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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews _ ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 _ My Uncle Jim

Posted by: ohsteve Oct 16 10, 06:53

My Uncle Jim

I didn't want to see him lieing there,
dressed in his best suit. He didn't dress
like that I said. He wore jeans and plaid shirts
that smelled of old spice and licorice.

I cried when I finally was forced up
on the predeu, he had these spots and no one
would tell me they were from the disease.
I thought he was in the process of shedding skin.

I cried again when they took him from the room,
where are they going? I asked quietly.
To the grave yard; I thought that must be like
a prison, or a dump for lost uncles. I miss him still.

Posted by: Eisa Oct 17 10, 15:05

Hi Steve

This is so touching - seen through the eyes of a child.

I think adults try and protect children by not telling them certain things, when they are less frightened if they know the truth. Children have such vivid imaginations!

I didn't want to see him lieing there,
dressed in his best suit. He didn't dress
like that I said. He wore jeans and plaid shirts
that smelled of old spice and licorice.

one query in L1 - should it be lying?

I cried when I finally was forced up
on the predeu, he had these spots and no one
would tell me they were from the disease.
I thought he was in the process of shedding skin.

A sweet, amusing thought!

I cried again when they took him from the room,
where are they going? I asked quietly.
To the grave yard; I thought that must be like
a prison, or a dump for lost uncles. I miss him still.

Very toughing ending - I miss him still.

I really like this one Steve
Eira

Posted by: Peterpan Oct 21 10, 15:54

Oh gosh, Steve - this is a tough one.
I loved your imagery tho', very real.

Thanks for sharing it even if it still hurts.

Posted by: ohsteve Oct 21 10, 19:44

Eira, It very well could be lying...My spell check in my brain is out of order, parts to fix it won't come in until the next generation. LOL. Yes children should be told as much as they wish to know, I still to this day don't like funerals because of this, and now all I can really remember of him is him in that coffin, with the big black ugly cancer spots.
Bev. thanks for reading.

Take care
Steve