If you've stupidly decked a cadet
who was mooning at your young brunette
you'd best ready for buds
who may come to shed blood
and to wrinkle your fine, red Corvette.

If you wrinkle Corvettes, a fine red
countenance will appear on the head
of your insurance man
where his cheeks were once tan.
"Now your rates must go higher", he said.

If he says that your rates will be higher
you should check out our agency's flyer;
we won't charge you as much
and our paperwork's such
that it oft disappears in a fire.

If your loft disappears in a fire
and possessions burn up on the pyre
just be glad you got out
because there is no doubt
you'd be smoking in someone's new choir.

If you smoke in the choir, you'll choke
and cause others to do so; no joke!
Let your lungs fill with air
even if on a dare
and just sing for the waiting church folk.

If the church-folks await every song
because sermons are always too long
then a concert with choirs
should appease their desires
and the preacher's rite wouldn't be wrong.

Some preachers don't know right from wrong
and sing a strange, secular song;
they've turned from God's Word
and often are heard
to play at a moral ping-pong.

Play King Kong and let morals escape
by abducting Fay Rae. Her nice shape
caused libidos to soar
and like him, men want more
but I don’t think we’d ever go ape.

If a man would go ape, he may rape
the banana trees; none would escape
his now huge appetite;
then his waist would grow tight
and he'd look like a great swollen grape.

If your grapes swell up like a great head
you had best see a doctor instead
of just lying supine
while you whimper and whine
'cause you may have caught something you'll dread.

While you dread catching some dread disease,
you could crash and end mid amputees
who are getting along
proving that they belong
amongst us -- and with no guarantees.

A monk's dust gave him no guarantee
that he had swept the church properly
so he said a small prayer
for the dirt that's still there
and the winds from lunch helped piety

When your piety's gone out to lunch
right and wrong seem to have lost their punch
so it's time to back up
and view morals close-up;
maybe then they'll just be out to brunch.

They went out to a bunch of May bees
who attacked them from heads to their knees
so their task, incomplete,
had gone down in defeat
and that run for their life made them wheeze.

If I wheeze when I run for my life
I should buy some insurance; my wife
could be far better off
when I'm not here to doff
my cap; I may fall on my knife.

If you fall on your knife your cap may
then be used to help make your blood stay
on the inside, not out
for there isn't a doubt
you'll not see the ER anyway.

if you see the ER anyway
say hello, 'scuse I won't stay
just a fleeting glance
as it were, by trance
if I'm missing, I WILL stay away

Alan

I will stay away until I'm missed
or at least until some folks insist
that I come back to write
anything that I might
and will not need to be hugged and kissed.

If your need's to be kiss-ed and hugged
there'll be some folks about who'll be bugged;
just ignore them and say,
I'll be touched anyway...
but I shy from the ones who are jugged!

The well-jugged are the ones who are shy
for their movement will capture the eye
of each guy when she strolls
but her front will punch holes
in a man's chest before he is nigh.