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> Tell-Tale Fingerprints ( revision), tongue in cheek humour
Eisa
post Nov 2 10, 16:32
Post #1


Mosaic Master
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Group: Praetorian
Posts: 4,599
Joined: 4-August 03
From: Birmingham, England
Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



Revision

Tell-Tale Fingerprints

Hush-a-bye
… don’t cry darling.


I bustle, scrubbing
caked baked bean sauce
from last night’s plates
packed into the sink.

Baby’s still wailing.

The ironing tower tumbles
onto paw-printed floor
mop’s mislaid -- I must
spick and span my domain.

Baby’s howling now.
Perhaps it’s a virus
… I must contact help line,


but first I’ll clean the windows, in case
yesterday’s fingerprints are spotted
… clear spiders from their webs.

Stop shrieking baby!
I’ve no time for your games.


Damn your big baby eyes!
I can’t resist sneaking a peak
at your face any longer.

I’ll check security
… messages … Face Book.

Aaaw! … Mama loves to play
games with her baby.


-------------------------------------------------
Original


Baby’s crying.

Busy hands scrub
caked baked bean sauce
from last night’s dishes
cramming the sink.

Hush baby … don’t cry.

The ironing tower tumbles
onto paw-printed floor
mop’s mislaid --
I must clean up my domain.

Oh baby’s still crying.
Is it a virus?
… I’ll contact help line,


but first I’ll clean the windows, in case
yesterday’s fingerprints are spotted;
clear the spiders from their webs.

Oh stop crying baby! I’ve no time for your games.

Damn big baby eyes!
I can’t resist a peep at your face any longer.

I’ll check security … messages … Face Book … games.

Mmm ... Mama loves to play with her baby.



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Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal.
Write from the heart - it's therapeutic.
Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin!

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merle
post Nov 4 10, 02:00
Post #2


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Member No.: 756
Real Name: Robin DeWalt
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Winning Writer's web site



Hi Eira -

I don't know whether to laugh or cry! I thought this was about an overwhelmed mother but no...the computer! I find myself in the very same situation. I like your revisions and would leave it as it is. Very well written and entertaining.


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Eisa
post Nov 4 10, 14:37
Post #3


Mosaic Master
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Group: Praetorian
Posts: 4,599
Joined: 4-August 03
From: Birmingham, England
Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



QUOTE (merle @ Nov 4 10, 07:00 ) *
Hi Eira -

I don't know whether to laugh or cry! I thought this was about an overwhelmed mother but no...the computer! I find myself in the very same situation. I like your revisions and would leave it as it is. Very well written and entertaining.


Ah -- fooled ya! LOL!

Not my usual style but had I fun writing it!

Snow Snowflake.gif


·······IPB·······

Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal.
Write from the heart - it's therapeutic.
Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin!

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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Psyche
post Nov 11 10, 23:59
Post #4


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Member No.: 78
Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Grace Galton & David Ting




HA. You really fooled me, Snow! I was thinking it was some kind of dark humour, even began to get angry....LOL...

Very good, a change from your usual poetry. I like it!!

Congrats, Syl***


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"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

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Eisa
post Nov 15 10, 17:48
Post #5


Mosaic Master
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Group: Praetorian
Posts: 4,599
Joined: 4-August 03
From: Birmingham, England
Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



QUOTE (Psyche @ Nov 12 10, 04:59 ) *
HA. You really fooled me, Snow! I was thinking it was some kind of dark humour, even began to get angry....LOL...

Very good, a change from your usual poetry. I like it!!

Congrats, Syl***


Yes, Syl - it is a change from my usual. I wrote the original of this some years ago and some people thought it was about child abuse - until they got to the end. LOL!

Good to see you, Syl.

Snow Snowflake.gif


·······IPB·······

Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal.
Write from the heart - it's therapeutic.
Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin!

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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