Been wanting to get to this for a few days now and glad I have a little down time at work to approach it. I hope this posting find you well and things improving with both computer and mostly health! Below I will leave some thoughts and comments, please use whatever is in line with your intentions, and discard what isn't ... As always I enjoy reading your work.
A light Autumn's Haze
I like the title. However, I would suggest "A Light Autumn Haze"
Haunted by the ghosts of Falls gone
past and those yet to arrive.
This Autumns quintessential day fills me up.
I like what you are painting here. The idea of residue from the energy of a seasons previous happenings... However below is an example of my thoughts and please use or lose as always -
Haunted by ghosts of Autumns past
and others yet to come -
This Fall's quintessential day
fills me -
My morning with a soft lakeside mist
full with the aroma of smoke ended embers,
half-eaten hot dogs, and Oak and Hickory.
There is such wonder in the aftermath of memories presented here that it awakens my own memories of previous picnics and bbqs where we made life happen. L1, beginning with "My morning' felt imcomplete to me, by stanza end. as if the my morning doesn't quite connect or is missing the connecting word to make it a full image... perhaps -
My Morning, blessed by a soft lakeside mist (other alternates could be accompanied, complimented, accentuated or even featured or climaxed ) ...
full with smoky aroma, half-eaten hot dogs,
and Oak and Hickory.
Where we dabble our toes amongst the
dark stars, quiet breathing memories, rocket ships,
cherished friends, apple cores and kisses.
We dabble our toes
amongst dark stars, quiet breath-taking memories -
rocket ships, cherished friends, apple cores and kisses.
It was a day like this some thirty years ago
we tried it all for the first time.
And now the last V's are herding us home.
Unfortunately, I think this stanza is offering very important information, however to me, it isn't clearly stated. In L2, I am not sure what the narrator is saying the tried for the first time - and the V's (which could be birds heading south in a v shape and using that as the metaphor to go home) ...
Perhaps (only if I am getting what might be said)
Thirty years ago; a day much like today-
I would love to hear more about this and perhaps I will be able to offer other feedback.
It's been a day of brass beams breaking through clouds,
sun is purpling the late sky and a distant train echoes
like an oboe quartet calling out the stars.
Love the imagery here. Nice closing stanza. I would only suggest perhaps some reworking the stanza's structure...
A day of brass beams
breaking through cottony clouds,
sun, purpling the late sky
as a distant train echoes like an oboe
quartet calling out the stars.
Of course I am not sure if my suggestions are in line with your intentions, but please use what is useful to you and discard the rest.
Big Hugs, Liz