 My LoveLoves Me Not (after Herrick) |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -> Herme's Homilies  |
 Nov 21 15, 07:26
Post
#1
|
|
 Assyrian  Posts: 250 Joined: 1-November 15 Member No.: 5,282 Real Name: richard chase Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Rhapsody  |
Keeps happening with my stuff, no idea why. Here, hopefully, is the full poem:
Fate Resigns, Re-designs Us I could not through any form of tyranny wound you as you sit ensconced in quiet thought, though my sad heart is burdened with memory of you when you were all I clumsily sought. Yes, another suitor with true intentions, let him take straight away from my love the breath your beauty so instilled in my inventions, vanquished soundly now, as firmly as grey death. |
  
|
|
|
Nov 24 15, 12:18
Post
#2
|
|
 Ornate Oracle Posts: 2,085 Joined: 24-May 04 From: Time, Immoral Member No.: 66 Writer of: Poetry |
Hello RC,
Seems there's been some corruption happened to the thread; happens to me now and again. Or did you intend to present what we see? When laws full power have to sway, we see Little or no part there of tyranny. RH. ·······  ······· |
|
|
|
|
Nov 24 15, 21:23
Post
#3
|
|
 Ornate Oracle Posts: 3,822 Joined: 3-August 03 From: Florida Member No.: 10 Real Name: Elizabeth Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori Kanter |
Hello RC,
I am Liz. I am glad to meet you. Especially that I read this a few times and each time found nuggets of enjoyable word-smithing. For now, the only thing that feels awkward to me is L3 whereas, 'symmetry of your face...' reads smooth. The rough or crass feel I get from 'in your face' gives a sound of force or distaste from the narrator - However, that may be what you are going for, in which case it works well. Perhaps that double edge of love/hate - Anyway, I will look in again tomorrow evening with fresh eyes. Best Wishes, Amethyst ······· ·······Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!
MM Award Winner           |
|
|
|
|
Nov 25 15, 01:15
Post
#4
|
|
 Assyrian Posts: 248 Joined: 10-November 15 From: Sunny Florida Member No.: 5,293 Real Name: YC Writer of: Poetry Referred By:TCP |
Richard,
I'll look in again once the kinks in posting your poem are resolved. Cheers. Luce |
|
|
|
|
Nov 25 15, 05:33
Post
#5
|
|
 Mosaic Master  Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Hi Richard
I've just closed the large white space in your poem but then thought perhaps there were other stanzas that have just disappeared. Didn't you have this before? If you are having any problems at all then you must go to Nero's News to report it as Cleo_Serapis & Imoptep are trying to sort problems out & want to know who & what they are dealng with. If you can't find Nero's news there is an announcement in Basilica just underneath the Introduce yourself section. at the top. Eira ······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner   |
|
|
|
|
Nov 27 15, 11:46
Post
#6
|
|
|
Assyrian Posts: 250 Joined: 1-November 15 Member No.: 5,282 Real Name: richard chase Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Rhapsody |
I tried to add the full text again.
|
|
|
|
|
Nov 27 15, 12:52
Post
#7
|
|
|
Mosaic Master Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Richard - send your complete poem to Imhotep in a private message.
Eira ······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner |
|
|
|
|
Nov 27 15, 15:13
Post
#8
|
|
|
Assyrian Posts: 250 Joined: 1-November 15 Member No.: 5,282 Real Name: richard chase Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Rhapsody |
Eisa - The full text is on theboardf now, RC
|
|
|
|
|
Nov 27 15, 16:46
Post
#9
|
|
|
Mosaic Master Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Are you sure more of your poem hasn't disapeared again? I see only 2 stanzas - I thought there was more.
Eira ······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner |
|
|
|
|
Nov 27 15, 17:31
Post
#10
|
|
|
Ornate Oracle Posts: 2,085 Joined: 24-May 04 From: Time, Immoral Member No.: 66 Writer of: Poetry |
Fur what it's worth, when I did (or do) a quick edit, stuff happens - garbled quotes, disappeared text, etc.
······· ······· |
|
|
|
|
Nov 27 15, 19:04
Post
#11
|
|
|
Mosaic Master Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
QUOTE (Merlin @ Nov 27 15, 22:31 )  Fur what it's worth, when I did (or do) a quick edit, stuff happens - garbled quotes, disappeared text, etc. Merlin - You should report any problems like this in the thread in Nero's News or pm Imhotep/Cleo_Serapis ······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner |
|
|
|
|
Nov 27 15, 19:08
Post
#12
|
|
|
Ornate Oracle Posts: 2,085 Joined: 24-May 04 From: Time, Immoral Member No.: 66 Writer of: Poetry |
Cleo is aware of the situation and was having it looked into. I haven't done any creative posting lately so don't know if the problem persists, but looking at this thread, it may take a better look.
Thx Eisa. Qwik edit Perhaps Nero is still fiddling. ······· ······· |
|
|
|
|
Nov 28 15, 01:54
Post
#13
|
|
 Ornate Oracle Posts: 8,861 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
QUOTE (RC James @ Nov 21 15, 10:26 ) Keeps happening with my stuff, no idea why. Here, hopefully, is the full poem:
Hi RC, I'm sorry you've had problems with your postings. Hopefully, it's been solved now. But do report any future trouble to Cleo_Serapis or Imhotep. My own problem with the Edit button has been solved. In any case, Full Edit is the best choice, but I understand new members can't do that, no idea why. Fate Resigns, Re-designs Us <<<<Good title, caught my eye at once. I could not through any form of tyranny wound you as you sit ensconced in quiet thought, though my sad heart is burdened with memory <<<<<another word for 'sad'? of you when you were all I clumsily sought. <<<<<A pity about 'you' twice Yes, another suitor with true intentions, <<<<<<<Subject's intentions were not good?...LOL...or perhaps he thought there was plenty of time. A shame! let him take straight away from my love the breath your beauty so instilled in my inventions, <<<<<<A dreamer... vanquished soundly now, as firmly as grey death. <<<<<Grim but good finale. I like it. I don't know whether this is a special form of poetry, or whether you simply wanted to make two rhyming quartets. I'm not a meter-maid...LOL...so I'll leave that bit for the experts. Lovely, nostalgic offering, tx for sharing. Psyche ······· ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner     |
|
|
|
|
Nov 28 15, 08:58
Post
#14
|
|
 Ornate Oracle Posts: 18,552 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Is this the intended poem?
I had looked in before and then went to do some investigation on "Herrick", and when I returned this seems to not be the same poem... and it certainly does not have the original title. I'm afraid that I'm confused, but I will be back. My only impression at this point is that a few of the word-choices are a little awkward.... kind of unnatural speech. I'll be back to check in. deLighting in the new activity, Daniel  QUOTE (RC James @ Nov 21 15, 07:26 ) Fate Resigns, Re-designs Us I could not through any form of tyranny wound you as you sit ensconced in quiet thought, though my sad heart is burdened with memory of you when you were all I clumsily sought. Yes, another suitor with true intentions, let him take straight away from my love the breath your beauty so instilled in my inventions, vanquished soundly now, as firmly as grey death. ······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
MM Award Winner |
|
|
|
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:
|
|
Lo-Fi Version | Time is now: 17th April 2024 - 19:41 |
Read our FLYERS - click below
|
| more Quotes |
| ||
|
|
|
|
