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> LOST IN THOUGHTS
Guest_beulahkilborn781_*
post Dec 15 09, 02:12
Post #1





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Tonite while dreaming in the fantasy of plight,
I overheard the din of my thoughts that night.
So pure, so pious and only for her,
I am yearning and longing for my lady love.

Wishes and blessings all are thine,
The world now looks so divine.
To myself I owe the promise I did,
With the bond of love neither strained nor undid.

Don't know why so strange I think,
Has the bond of love now left without the ‘pink’?
The life and the breath now standing on the edge,
Just like a man walking on a wedge.

Going on and on forever is life,
Has it a stop destined or ever it has mercy of thine.
The beauty of love is the pain that it gives,
With the nausea and sting that succumbs me to end.

Losing her is the biggest fear of mine,
Or its something actually destined.
Though she loves me more than anything I compare
All the smiles of the world look small and bare.

The fear that's there is actually tough,
With the confusion all around that blows me in puff.
Am I really not able to decipher my fate?
Or the thing at stake is really so late.

I know it’s not the final end,
The love will someday take over and stand.
Time flows, as does the sand from the fist,
Some day I’ll regain all that’s lost in the mist.....
 
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Guest_ohsteve_*
post Dec 15 09, 15:15
Post #2





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Beulahkilborn, Hi and welcome to MM, I have read your entry into the Plato's Pearls... It was ok for me, I would wish you had post it in Hermes Homilies for critique as I see some areas that need fixing. But if this is where you wish to post that is ok too. As time goes by I hope you become more familiar with us here at MM, we are here to help as much as we can. Please keep writing though, the more you write the better you can get.

Steve
 
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Sekhmet
post Dec 16 09, 03:29
Post #3


Greek
***

Group: Platinum Member
Posts: 743
Joined: 3-February 09
From: Abingdon, Oxfordshire,UK
Member No.: 754
Real Name: Leonora Wyatt
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:No one at all



Hello there Beulah - and a warm welcome to this workshop site for poetry critique and development.
Despite your user name, I am assuming, perhaps wrongly, that you are a guy;
Please, please, please, be a love, and let us have at least a sketchy personal profile; and it would be a help if you used one of the Forums to introduce yourself. It would assist us enormously if we had an idea of your poetic interests and hopes, especially if you are hoping to develop your poetic abilities through mutual critique - it is only by receiving helpful and mostly knowledgeable criticism from our fellow poets that we can begin grow in confidence. It is so much easier to give these essential responses, when we know a little about each other.

'Plato's Pearls', is the forum in which you have posted your poem; but it receives few visitors - and is not unlike a reference library for other members' work - a resting place for favourite past poems. You can almost hear the echos of a museum there.
As Steve has said - 'Hermes Homilies' is the, 'Display' forum - where your poem will be seen, and critiqued by your peers.
I would be delighted to see it re posted there - where it can be given the attention it deserves.
Welcome again,
Leo



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Psyche
post Dec 28 09, 16:02
Post #4


Ornate Oracle
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Group: Praetorian
Posts: 8,770
Joined: 27-August 04
From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia
Member No.: 78
Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:David Ting




Hi!

I second Steve and Leo's suggestions.

Please post your poems in the critique forums, where you'll receive friendly advice for improvement.

This forum is for Exhibition pieces.

And please complete your Profile information, as well as introduce yourself to give us an idea of your objectives and/or interests, as Leo has said. First forum at the top of this website, can't miss it. We look forward to hearing more about you.

Happy holidays,
Psyche


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Mis temas favoritos



The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.


"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

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Psyche
post Dec 28 09, 23:27
Post #5


Ornate Oracle
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Group: Praetorian
Posts: 8,770
Joined: 27-August 04
From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia
Member No.: 78
Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:David Ting




Beulah, please remove the link at the bottom of your post. We don't advertise in our forums.

It would be a shame to have to close your topic, since this poem is promising and would be welcomed in the critique forums.

Also, if you're really interested in poetry and writing, I repeat that you are expected to introduce yourself to our members.

Thank you,
Psyche


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Mis temas favoritos



The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.


"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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Eisa
post Dec 29 09, 17:44
Post #6


Mosaic Master
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Group: Praetorian
Posts: 4,599
Joined: 4-August 03
From: Birmingham, England
Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



Hi again, I've just welcomed you in the introduction forum and now see that you do write poetry.

This forum is actually for exhibition only and usually for polished works that have been through the workshopping process. It would be great if you moved this into Hermes Homilies to be workshopped as it is a promising piece. I think you'll find us friendly and willing to offer helpful advice.

Snow Snowflake.gif


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Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal.
Write from the heart - it's therapeutic.
Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin!

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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Cleo_Serapis
post Dec 29 09, 18:37
Post #7


Mosaic Master
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Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



Hi all,

This was actually posted in a non-poetry forum (I think it was the debate forum) so I moved it here with the hopes that "B" is truly interested in feedback on the poem. I could go ahead and move it to Herme's but I'm not certain "B" is interested in critiques, without at least an intro other than liking computer science) ????

I also deleted the link to a computer parts site from the profile page.

B - please let us know your intentions, else we'll be removing your membership.

Best,
Lori


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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
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