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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews _ Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -> Herme's Homilies _ SPIRIT VOICES - ***

Posted by: Maureen Jun 18 15, 19:05

EDITED VERSION ...

SPIRIT VOICES … Maureen Clifford © The #ScribblyBark Poet

She held the shell up to her ear
and heard the spirit of the sea
‘cross oceans broad around the world
from waters shallow, waters deep.
Its columellar folds displayed
soft pastel pink and shimmery white,
a subtle glazed pearlescent sheen
that captured the first morning light
tinged softest rose – the folded lips
were touched with sable, subtle, deep
and in its depths were purple hues
like skies at dusk – dark moody blues.

She held the shell up to her ear
and heard the spirit of the sea

SPIRIT VOICES … Maureen Clifford © The Scribbly Bark Poet

She held the shell up to her ear
and heard the spirit of the sea
‘cross oceans broad around the world
from waters shallow, waters deep.
Its columellar folds displayed
soft pastel pink and shimmery white,
a glazed pearlescent subtle sheen
like enamel in morning light,
sweetly tinged rose – the folded lips
were touched with sable, subtle, deep
and in its depths were purple hues
like skies at dusk – dark moody blues.

She held the shell up to her ear
and heard the spirit of the sea

Posted by: JustDaniel Jun 22 15, 15:48

I hear it right along with you, Maureen. Delightfully done!

Lightly grinnin', Daniel

Posted by: Larry Jun 25 15, 10:23

Hi Maureen,

Glad to see you back and posting once more.

I did enjoy your tetrameter sonnet with its random rhyme scheme but don't know what kind of critique you
need with your 3*** notation.

On the other hand, Spirit Voices brings back wonderful memories from childhood trips to the beach. Even as I
got "much" older, I still enjoyed the susurrating sounds that Mother Nature whispered in my ear.

Thanks,

Larry

Posted by: Merlin Jun 26 15, 23:05

Nice images, Maureen.
I've been into the spirits a little myself so perhaps that helps.

While the noises are definitely a pleasant surprise, it's the sounds of silence that I appreciate most nowadays.

Merlin

Posted by: anaisa Nov 7 15, 14:57

Hi Maureen,

I really loved this, it's a beautiful poem. I sort of floated away while reading it.
The only thing I could see that was slightly off, was that I think this line below needs shifting a few words, slightly.
I gave an example below just to throw out an idea.
Anyway thank you for posting this enchanting piece!Either way it is lovely.

a glazed pearlescent subtle sheen,

like fused enamel, morning light,

She held the shell up to her ear
and heard the spirit of the sea
‘cross oceans broad around the world
from waters shallow, waters deep.
Its columellar folds displayed
soft pastel pink and shimmery white,
a glazed pearlescent subtle sheen
like enamel in morning light,
sweetly tinged rose – the folded lips
were touched with sable, subtle, deep
and in its depths were purple hues
like skies at dusk – dark moody blues.

Posted by: Psyche Nov 9 15, 02:10

Maureen, this is a delightful sonnet, like music to my ears. You've achieved wondrous imagery and a mystical nuance...I mean the spirits from the sea and the shells.

Where I live, many people speak to the spirits in nature, asking them questions. We have spirits in trees, lakes, springs and of course we have Mother Earth. And Father Sun. But the silence can be overwhelmingly "communicative"...

So I can relate to your sonnet easily. I've lived on islands and near seasides! I used to have a fantastic collection of seashells, of all sizes. Over the years they've been displaced, or people simply pinched them. Sad.

I'm so glad you're back posting here, Maureen.

In answer to Larry's question, the 3 *** mean that you're willing to have plenty of constructive crits, right? Lori established that about a year ago, I believe.

I'll not do that now, as it's after 4 a.m. Just wanted to greet you. And received this delightful piece before going to bed!

Hugs, Syl***

Posted by: RC James Nov 21 15, 07:25

Maureen - some lovely images, true devotion to our natural surrounds. I think it should be "columnar" but I may be wrong on that. Nicely done, RC

Posted by: Maureen Dec 6 15, 01:21

Thanks everyone for reading and commenting -

RC - Not sure RC whether in fact shells do actually look like this but this is what I was thinking of - Columella - a small rodlike bone in the middle ear that transmits sound to the inner ear:

Merlin - Hope you enjoyed the spirits however they came to you

Anaisa - thanks for that suggestion - certainly will give that consideration

Syl - thanks for poking me again to come and check out the page

Posted by: Psyche Dec 8 15, 00:37

And I'll keep poking you now and then, Maureen!

I see you've showcased some poems, but I'll read them another day. It's nearly 3 a.m.

Cheers,
Syl***

Posted by: AMETHYST Dec 12 15, 22:17

Hello Maureen,

I believe we have crossed paths at some point, although it has to have been a few years. You may know me as poetprncess. Either way, I love the tenderness in this and that it is simple enough to be powerful. I am drawn in each line by the loveliness of inner sounds and alliteration. I did however, stumble a few times with the end lines. As it felt as though it would be traditional enough to use an end rhyme scheme, however it's there ... then it isn't.

Some images such as in L6 I can close my eyes and envision the views and colors. In L7, subtle felt weak, as if used until something more powerful came along. However, I cannot offer anything more fitting at this time. I keep thinking of something that means elusive or faint... I will keep thinking on it. L9, I hear a trip in meter. Perhaps..
" on sweetly tinged rose - folded lips" ...

Well, I will keep an eye on this, it is so lyrical. I do hope I have left something of worth, otherwise, please use or lose any suggestions.

Best Wishes, Liz

QUOTE (Maureen @ Jun 18 15, 19:05 )

SPIRIT VOICES … Maureen Clifford © The Scribbly Bark Poet

She held the shell up to her ear
and heard the spirit of the sea
‘cross oceans broad around the world
from waters shallow, waters deep.
Its columellar folds displayed
soft pastel pink and shimmery white,
a glazed pearlescent subtle sheen
like enamel in morning light,
sweetly tinged rose – the folded lips
were touched with sable, subtle, deep
and in its depths were purple hues
like skies at dusk – dark moody blues.

She held the shell up to her ear
and heard the spirit of the sea

Posted by: Eisa Dec 16 15, 19:37

Hi Maureen,

This is absolutely beautiful. It's always a pleasure to read your work. Just a few thoughts below.

She held the shell up to her ear
and heard the spirit of the sea
‘cross oceans broad around the world
from waters shallow, waters deep.
Its columellar folds displayed
soft pastel pink and shimmery white,
a glazed pearlescent subtle sheen
I think this line sounds better this way round
a subtle glazed pearlescent sheen
like enamel in morning light,
this line seems a bit bumpy to me, perhaps
enamel in the morning light
sweetly tinged rose – the folded lips
were touched with sable, subtle, deep
and in its depths were purple hues
like skies at dusk – dark moody blues.

Beautiful images

Eira
She held the shell up to her ear
and heard the spirit of the sea
[/quote]

Posted by: Larry Dec 17 15, 15:30

Hi Maureen,

Just dropped in to see if any edits had been made. Referencing Sylvia's comment - I know what the 3 *** mean, just not what kind of help is required. Rhyme scheme, metrics, etc. or if you want it to be partially rhymed, iambic, anapest ???????
Donno!

I still love the picture you gave us and the memories "Spirit Voices" brought back.

Larry

Posted by: Maureen Dec 18 15, 05:17

THANKS EVERYONE for your help and suggestions - I have put up the edited version, I think it's better.