Paise be!, A new religion - with no remote, call-centre gods Options

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi all,

I would like to announce that I finally have got a religion!

Here's a web-link: http://www.churchofcelebrity.com/index.html

I am delighted that we are finally departing from the strange cult of worshipping mythical beings, to - at last, brothers and sisters, worship real people.

I am just trying to see how much I can afford to donate to this worthy cause. It is not easy for me earning nothing but I shall eat fewer baked beanz (better for me, anyway) so that I can contribute towards praising people such as the Madonna - and our Lord David, the Beckhamite. Also, of course, I know how much real estate costs in Hollywood and think we should have a church there - so I must dig deep (don't want the church to slide down the Beverley Hills).

So, follow me to the stars and parise be the seer David of Icke and let us go two-by-two to cruise with Tom, who will save us from the shallow waters formed by floods of tears at award ceremonies.

Try the website - you know that millions can't be wrong. (As no one said in 1939).

OK, now I have got a religion, any suggestions as to what I should do with it? (No, not that - even religions should be exposed to the light of day).

Cheers, J.

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Dear James,

This is a wicked attempt to harness us by those who would call themselves profits; we already have intermediaries in this religion - the IRS. This religion has been practiced for eons, with lesser mortals making offerings to those in high orifice. These days we can wander into the shrine of WHSmiths and cough up a tenner for the latest wisdom from divine bodies.

No, don't open this holy to the daylight.

Fran

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Fran,

Thanks for your reply,

>F> This is a wicked attempt to harness us by those who would call themselves profits;

ROFL! Excellent spelling (so says "Witch" mag). Yes, you may have noticed - one of the co-founders is a publicity bod.

>F>we already have intermediaries in this religion - the IRS.

IRS? Sorry, who are they?

>F> This religion has been practiced for eons, with lesser mortals making offerings to those in high orifice.

That includes you now!

>F>These days we can wander into the shrine of WHSmiths and cough up a tenner for the latest wisdom from divine bodies.

Think I missed a joke thee, sorry!

>F> No, don't open this holy to the daylight.

I think we should - I like variagated holly!

Thanks, Fran, J.

Fran

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi James

>F> This is a wicked attempt to harness us by those who would call themselves profits;

>J> ROFL! Excellent spelling (so says "Witch" mag). Yes, you may have noticed - one of the co-founders is a publicity bod.

:)

>F>we already have intermediaries in this religion - the IRS.

>J> IRS? Sorry, who are they?

Oops, sorry, my mistake; IRS = Internal Revenue Service in the USA = Inland Revenue in Britain

>F> This religion has been practiced for eons, with lesser mortals making offerings to those in high orifice.

>J> That includes you now!

I'm an Oracle now, tch tch.

>F>These days we can wander into the shrine of WHSmiths and cough up a tenner for the latest wisdom from divine bodies.

>J> Think I missed a joke thee, sorry!

All celebs have to aim for divine bodies - they all spend fortunes on the gym, facials etc.

>F> No, don't open this holy to the daylight.

>J> I think we should - I like variagated holly!



Cheers,

Fran

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi J

>J>OK, now I have got a religion, any suggestions as to what I should do with it? (No, not that - even religions should be exposed to the light of day).

Well, a good starting point is one of the many seminaries that are available to us lesser mortals to try to reach that elite intellectual plane of celebrity, through study, meditation and intensive training. There's Big Brother, X factor, Fame Academy American Idol to name but a few. Big Brother is probably the least discrimanatory. You need have no talent at all to be ordained as a high priest or priestess.

If you are good at dribbling, you could aim for football God status, just remember your bib and if you break a bone in your foot miracles can be performed and your saintlike status will be greatly elevated by daily coverage in the News with a Nation praying for your fitness.

Of course maintaining your celeb status is very hard work. Don't worry. There is plenty of incense on offer to boost energy levels. There are several different varieties available on the market but the one favoured by most celebs is snorted. It helps keep that divine body Fran mentioned very trim.

As Fran also said, there are plenty of profits being made.

Somehow, I think I'll give this religion a miss and stick to my broke pleb atheist state. At least I won't have any problems squeezing my ego through doorways.

Nina