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[Guest_Kushiel_*]

I'm not sure how to polish up this poem :/ its the first one I've written since last time I visited this site.
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my pen seems choked
illegible words scratched on the page
and with my voice long gone I'm speechless

they are only words i tell myself
but do you know them?
they're the words you start a letter with and end it all too soon
they're the words you erase and scratch out
the words that never seem enough, but are too sacred to say

they are the words I say in my silence
the ones I show when I look at you
the ones I touch along your skin
hoping to spell out what I mean
but they're only words
and I'm
speechless in my knowledge of them

[Maggie]

Hi,

I'm very new at free verse, so I'll just give my impression. Be sure to take it with a few grains of salt.

I personally like your poem very much, but I think correct punctuation would help it a great deal.

Keep writing.

Peggy

[Eisa]

Hi,

I'm very new at free verse, so I'll just give my impression. Be sure to take it with a few grains of salt.

I personally like your poem very much, but I think correct punctuation would help it a great deal.

Keep writing.

Peggy

I agree with Peggy about punctuation -- it makes a poem look professional. I really like this. I'll be back with some suggestions later when I have more time.

Snow

[Guest_Rosemerta_*]

Hi Kushiel,

I'll have to add my vote to the punctuation issue but that is the only thing I would change in this writing. The lack of it was a distraction but in ignoring it in the second read I found your lines to be flawless.

I loved the visuals and the emotion that came through. Your start and finish are excellent. I particularly like the ending. Nicely done!

~~ Jackie

[Judi]

I'm not sure how to polish up this poem :/ its the first one I've written since last time I visited this site.
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Hi There...Welcome to the board. My thoughts and suggestions are just that, and are yours to use or lose. I know the feelings you have spoken of in your poem...I guess all writers and poets feel the same way at times.

One thing I would like to comment on is your lack of punctuation and capitalization. It deflects from others getting the meaning you are trying to convey. My very best to you and again, welcome. Judi

() means leave out {} means to add

my pen seems choked
illegible words scratched on the page
and with my voice long gone I'm speechless

they are only words i tell myself
but do you know them?
they're the words you start a letter with and end it all too soon Here you have very awkward grammer. Maybe here you could say "They're the words you write at the beginning of
a letter that ends too soon!"

they're (the) words you erase and scratch out
(the )words that never seem enough, but are too sacred to say

(they are) the words I say in my silence
(the ones) {words} I show when I look at you
the ones (I) {that} touch (along) your skin
hoping to spell out what I mean
but they're only words
and I'm
speechless in my knowledge of them

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Lynn,

Before I offer a critique, I do have a question (which will aid me in my commentary): Do you mind if I use a bit of shaping suggestions (formatting of the stanzas differently)?

My second Q: Do you mind punctuation suggestions?

Be back soon once ya'll reply...

~Cleo