Wait... Listen in Silence [ Revision #3 15 Jan ], Wizard Award ~ triple rictameter Options

[JustDaniel]

Wait… Listen in Silence


Waiting

so we might see

what his clenched fingers cry

through flared nostrils… pain-shaded eyes

whispering with shoulder-shrugs… her bowed head

daring hope with a hopeless glance.

Patient—we must sit… still

to feel what’s been

weighting.


Listen

for heaven’s sake—

hearing’s more than data

we chug in through our fax machine;

as we transfer, processing, we translate

codes shrouded in sinew and veins;

pathos pours forth, bristling

when we truly

listen.


Silent

eyes breathe warm trust

through tight-shuttered windows

shattered from storms still a mem'ry,

duct-taped over with bloodied gauze curtains;

they'll give Light when the power’s off,

warmth to a brick-cold hearth,

Love that won’t stay

silent.


© MLee Dickens'son 04 Jan 2007

in Revision 2

S2L3 don't view mere stark data
S2L4 chugging in through our fax machine
S2L5 We also must transfer, process, translate

in Revision 1

S1L4 through flared nostrils… pain-tinted eyes

S2L3-7
that's more than tending data
chugging in through our fax machine;
though we must transfer, process, translate
codes shrouded in sinew and veins,
words will pour forth, bristling

S3L2 eyes breathe fresh hope
S3L4 shattered from storms still a memory,
[ Though there's always a tension between allowing the reader to leave off the syllable,
and suggesting it with an apostrophe...
since modernists frown on such...
then tell you it's too long. It's a lose/lose proposition! ]

Original

Waiting
so we might see
what his clenched fingers cry
through flared nostrils… pain-tinted eyes
whispering with shoulder-shrugs… her bowed head
daring hope with a hopeless glance.
Patient—we must sit… still
to feel what’s been
weighting.

Listen
for heaven’s sake—
it’s more than taking data
that is sent through our FAX machine;
though we’ll also transfer, process, translate,
runes shrouded in sinew and veins
will pour forth, bristling
when we truly
listen.

Silent
eyes can breathe hope
through tight-shuttered windows
shattered from storms still a memory,
duct taped over with bloody-gauze curtains,
shedding Light when the power’s off,
warmth in a brick-cold hearth,
Love that won’t stay
silent.

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Congratulations Daniel!

Cat