Spirit Fox Options

[Styrmwolf]

Full moon rises, a silver fay world reborn
And thou, flame pelted dryad of hill and fern
Stalk through emerald shades as a specter forlorn.
Thou, slight ash marked death bearer, others cannot discern

Blood on snow kissed chin, yet not in razored mind
Hunger slacked with Diana's hard earned blessing.
Ignorants name thee vermin, for they know not your kind
Silva's feral heart shatters as they ride, lusting.

Lusting after thee's burning fur
With blood rage not known to thou's breed.
Yet it is for nie, thou bright eyes match their violent cur
They not of the wood, soon turn back to a benevolent mead

And thou restless specter, are blessed
Go where thee might
For only the moon light's sacred
Know the secrets of the night

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Whit,


A very interesting piece full of vivid imagery. I can't admit to understanding it fully I'm afraid but I still liked what I read. I've offered a few suggestions which you are free to use or lose as you see fit. *smiles* {omit}[add]

Cathy


Full moon rises, a silver fay world reborn I had to look up 'fay'. LOL I like the image of a silver fairy world although I'm not sure that was the definition you were using.
And thou, flame[-]pelted dryad of hill and fern
Stalk through emerald shades as a specter forlorn.
Thou, slight ash[-]marked death bearer, others cannot discern I'm not sure but should deathbearer be one word or maybe hyphened?

Blood on snow[-]kissed chin, yet not in razored mind
Hunger slacked with Diana's hard earned blessing.
Ignorants name thee vermin, for they know not your kind Punctuation after 'kind'?
Silva's feral heart shatters as they ride, lusting. Maybe another word for 'lusting' so it's not repeated so close together?

Lusting after thee's burning fur
With blood rage not known to thou's breed. I'm not too familiar with the proper use of thee's and thou's but 'thy' sounds better to me in the above two lines. Course I could be wrong... LOL
Yet it is for nie, thou bright eyes match their violent cur And since you are using thee and thou wouldn't 'tis' be more appropriate than 'it is'? And again, I think 'thy' sounds better than 'thou' in this line. I need to learn where to use which when it comes to those words. LOL
They not of the wood, soon turn back to a benevolent mead

And thou restless specter, are blessed
Go where thee might
For only the moon light's sacred Should 'moon light's' be one word? I may not be reading this line right but it feels as though something is missing... sacred what? Are you saying the moonlight is sacred? If so maybe...'For only the sacred moonlight knows the secrets of the night'?
Know the secrets of the night[.]

Remember... the poem is yours and only you know what you are trying to convey so if anything I've said makes no sense -- just ignore! *smiles*