Nightmare's Chamber ~ Swap Quatrain, Revised ~ 6/20/07 (a complete turnaround) Options

[Guest_Cathy_*]

I did some refresh research on the Swap Quatrain and discovered that it should have iambic meter. Well... the last verse in the original didn't so it's been rewritten and a verse added. Let me know what you think please?

Nightmare's Chamber ~ Swap Quatrain (Revision 2)

As darkness spreads... a raven cries;
low-sailing sun turns red and dyes
the fading light with crimson threads.
A raven cries as darkness spreads...

When midnight drapes, dank chambers reek
of shadows, weary as they seek
lost souls who drift in moonlit crepes;
dank chambers reek when midnight drapes.

Pale silhouettes of mists ensnare
soft winds still whisp'ring unaware
of pending grief; a coronet
of mists ensnare pale silhouettes.

Sweet angels weep in ancient dreams
as thoughts presage prophetic themes.
Dark velvet eyes fear Satan's sleep
in ancient dreams; sweet angels weep.


The darkness fed... a raven cried;
the failing sun turned red and died.
As waning light to crimson bled,
a raven cried... the darkness fed.

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Aug 2006



Revision 1

Nightmare's Chamber ~ Swap Quatrain

Sweet angels weep in ancient dreams
as thoughts presage prophetic themes.
Soft velvet eyes fear Satan's sleep;
in ancient dreams, sweet angels weep.

As midnight drapes, dank chambers reek
of shadows weary as they seek
lost souls who drift in moonlit crepes;
dank chambers reek as midnight drapes.

A silhouette of mist ensnares
the winds still whisp'ring unaware
of silent grief; a coronet
of mist ensnares a silhouette.

The darkness spreads... a raven cries;
low-sailing sun turns red and dyes
pale streaks of light with crimson threads.
A raven cries; the darkness spreads...

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Aug 2006

S3 L1 A silhouette of hope ensnares
L2 high winds still whisp'ring unaware
L3 for silent grief and deep regret
L4 of hope ensnares a silhouette


Original~

Nightmare's Chamber ~ Swap Quatrain

Sweet angels weep in ancient dreams
as thoughts presage prophetic theme.
Dark velvet eyes fear Satan's sleep;
in ancient dreams, sweet angels weep.

As midnight drapes, dank chambers reek
of shadows weary as they seek
lost souls who drift in moonlit crepes;
dank chambers reek as midnight drapes.

When comes the morrow - hearts implore;
yet winds still whisper Nevermore!
In silent grief and gripping sorrow,
hearts implore, when comes the morrow?

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Aug 2006

S1 L2 - as thoughts flow in prophetic theme
S2 L3 - for souls who drift in ghostly capes
S3 L3 - In silent grief and deepest sorrow
S2 L3 - 'for' to 'lost'
S1 L3 - dark velvet eyes who fear to sleep
S2 L1 & 4 'the' to 'dank'
midnight
weary
chamber(s)
angels
dreams
ancient
nevermore
morrow
velvet
prophet(ic)

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Lori!

Well done with this SQ mused from a Times Ten!

Thank you!

I like the idea in this - that there is always something evil lurking, waiting for angels to take their attention elsewhere. Of course, the 'dark angel' theme here fits well with 'nightmares'.

Thanks! I'm not sure where the idea came from. Must have been the mood I was in that day! LOL

Although Swap Quatrain params state not to repeat the same rhyme scheme, poetic license is all good here (and it's not exact so what the heck).

I'm assuming you are referring to sleep, weep, reek, seek? Close but not perfect! LOL Poetic license... that's it... that's what I'm claiming!

Please take or toss these few items below as you wish.
Cheers
~Cleo


Sweet angels weep in ancient dreams
as thoughts presage [portend] prophetic theme. I considered that and I think I chose 'presage' because it's not used as often.
Dark velvet eyes who fear to sleep;
in ancient dreams, sweet angels weep.
(In L3, I think ‘who’ is throwing me? Could you say:
Dark velvet eyes dread Evil's (or Satan's) sleep; ) Hmmm... I like this. Thanks!

As midnight drapes, the [dank] chambers reek I like this too! LOL And I'm always suggesting to others to use a descriptive instead of 'the' and I go and do it myself!
of shadows weary as they seek
lost souls who drift in moonlit crepes; (Interesting use of crepes) A material thin enough to float on the air as they drift down lonely hallways... or where ever. *smiles*
the [dank] chambers reek as midnight drapes.

When comes the morrow [-] hearts implore;
yet winds still whisper Nevermore!
In silent grief and gripping sorrow,
hearts implore, [w]hen comes the morrow?

Thanks for the wonderful suggestions! I will be using them for sure~

Cathy