Nightmare's Chamber ~ Swap Quatrain, Revised ~ 6/20/07 (a complete turnaround) Options

[Guest_Cathy_*]

I did some refresh research on the Swap Quatrain and discovered that it should have iambic meter. Well... the last verse in the original didn't so it's been rewritten and a verse added. Let me know what you think please?

Nightmare's Chamber ~ Swap Quatrain (Revision 2)

As darkness spreads... a raven cries;
low-sailing sun turns red and dyes
the fading light with crimson threads.
A raven cries as darkness spreads...

When midnight drapes, dank chambers reek
of shadows, weary as they seek
lost souls who drift in moonlit crepes;
dank chambers reek when midnight drapes.

Pale silhouettes of mists ensnare
soft winds still whisp'ring unaware
of pending grief; a coronet
of mists ensnare pale silhouettes.

Sweet angels weep in ancient dreams
as thoughts presage prophetic themes.
Dark velvet eyes fear Satan's sleep
in ancient dreams; sweet angels weep.


The darkness fed... a raven cried;
the failing sun turned red and died.
As waning light to crimson bled,
a raven cried... the darkness fed.

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Aug 2006



Revision 1

Nightmare's Chamber ~ Swap Quatrain

Sweet angels weep in ancient dreams
as thoughts presage prophetic themes.
Soft velvet eyes fear Satan's sleep;
in ancient dreams, sweet angels weep.

As midnight drapes, dank chambers reek
of shadows weary as they seek
lost souls who drift in moonlit crepes;
dank chambers reek as midnight drapes.

A silhouette of mist ensnares
the winds still whisp'ring unaware
of silent grief; a coronet
of mist ensnares a silhouette.

The darkness spreads... a raven cries;
low-sailing sun turns red and dyes
pale streaks of light with crimson threads.
A raven cries; the darkness spreads...

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Aug 2006

S3 L1 A silhouette of hope ensnares
L2 high winds still whisp'ring unaware
L3 for silent grief and deep regret
L4 of hope ensnares a silhouette


Original~

Nightmare's Chamber ~ Swap Quatrain

Sweet angels weep in ancient dreams
as thoughts presage prophetic theme.
Dark velvet eyes fear Satan's sleep;
in ancient dreams, sweet angels weep.

As midnight drapes, dank chambers reek
of shadows weary as they seek
lost souls who drift in moonlit crepes;
dank chambers reek as midnight drapes.

When comes the morrow - hearts implore;
yet winds still whisper Nevermore!
In silent grief and gripping sorrow,
hearts implore, when comes the morrow?

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Aug 2006

S1 L2 - as thoughts flow in prophetic theme
S2 L3 - for souls who drift in ghostly capes
S3 L3 - In silent grief and deepest sorrow
S2 L3 - 'for' to 'lost'
S1 L3 - dark velvet eyes who fear to sleep
S2 L1 & 4 'the' to 'dank'
midnight
weary
chamber(s)
angels
dreams
ancient
nevermore
morrow
velvet
prophet(ic)

[JustDaniel]

Excellent revision, and I trust that you'll adopt Liz' suggestion re 'lost'... since 'seek' needs no 'for' anyhow, and that word fills out the meaning excellently. You all have done some excellent workshopping that my old eyes didn't see as necessary until it began! Superb job, Cat...

There could be more that we could say:
Could this presage a book? We'll pray
that you'll the publishing explore...
that we could say: There could be more!

... so GO FOR IT, Cat!

deLighting in your craftsmanship, Daniel