 Wheels of Change [ Revision #1 ], a Revolutionary Rondeau |
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 Jul 18 06, 22:34
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 19,923 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori  |
Wheels of Change
A smouldering... a charcoal fire that heats great iron hoops for tires to ring the wheelwright's oaken spokes on circled pine, for working folks to move with freedom — their desire. Their taxing load, it seems, inspires new ways of commerce and requires a new restraint, a gentler yoke — a smoldering. Wheels turn. Some gentry now admire their revolution, yet the ire of governance will steep, provoke still more rebellion as he soaks them... takes a powder... leaves his pyre a-smolderin'. © MLee Dickens'son 18 July 2006 at the wheelwright’s shop in Williamsburg, VA near the Colonial Governor’s Palace. Original A smoldering, a charcoal fire that heats great iron hoops for tires to ring the wheelwright's oaken spokes on circled pine, for working folks to move with freedom — their desire. Their taxing load, it seems, inspires new ways of commerce and requires a new restraint, a gentler yoke — a smoldering. Wheels turn. Some gentry now admire their revolution, yet the ire of governance would soon invoke new fear, tea-off his subjects, soak them, take a powder, leave his pyre a-smoldering. ·······  ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Jul 19 06, 08:15
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Good morning Daniel!
I see you find time for both your loves no matter where you are!  I do believe that you've stayed within the params of the form (at least I haven't noticed anything). lol And offered somewhat a history lesson in the process! A smoldering, a charcoal fire Elipsis instead of comma? that heats great iron hoops for tires to ring the wheelwright's oaken spokes on circled pine, for working folks to move with freedom — their desire. Their taxing load, it seems, inspires new ways of commerce and requires a new restraint, a gentler yoke — a smoldering. Wheels turn. Some gentry now admire their revolution, yet the ire of governance would soon invoke new fear, tea-off his subjects, soak them, take a powder, leave his pyre a-smoldering. Did someone go golfing or make someone mad? Nope, 'tea' is spelled wrong for that! Hmmm ... a tea break? LOL Sorry Daniel ... no nits! Cathy |
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Jul 23 06, 12:38
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 19,923 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
QUOTE(Cathy @ Jul 19 06, 09:15 ) [snapback]79060[/snapback] Good morning Daniel! I see you find time for both your loves no matter where you are! Thank you, Cat. I do at least try!  QUOTE I do believe that you've stayed within the params of the form (at least I haven't noticed anything). lol And offered somewhat a history lesson in the process! and I'm glad that you caught that! That is what I was going for. QUOTE A smoldering, a charcoal fire Elipsis instead of comma? that heats great iron hoops for tires to ring the wheelwright's oaken spokes on circled pine, for working folks to move with freedom — their desire. I'll take that elipsis. I think that it will help some of the other readers who seem to have stumbled over the meaning with the comma there. The poem was actually mused by a smouldering on the ground outside the wheelwright's shack. I didn't know what it could possibly be on a day of 102 degrees... until I asked! QUOTE Their taxing load, it seems, inspires new ways of commerce and requires a new restraint, a gentler yoke — a smoldering. Wheels turn. Some gentry now admire their revolution, yet the ire of governance would soon invoke new fear, tea-off his subjects, soak them, take a powder, leave his pyre a-smoldering. Did someone go golfing or make someone mad? Nope, 'tea' is spelled wrong for that! Hmmm ... a tea break? LOL Sorry Daniel ... no nits! Cathy Well, I was playing with the tea-tax that teed off the colonists... not because of how much is cost, but because it was a cost without representation. They were NOT treated as full British Citizens, even though they WERE. It TEED THEM OFF. But I have eliminated the slang word play (as a break in the mood of the poem) and substituted a more slanting reference to it in the first edit. Please let me know what you think. It's been steeping for a couple of days while I couldn't get to the computer. deLighting in the feedback, Daniel  P.S. Now I'm off to the local theatre to see who pea'd under whose mattress! [ Once Upon a Mattress ] 
······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
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Posts in this topic
JustDaniel Wheels of Change [ Revision #1 ] Jul 18 06, 22:34 
e h estry The refrain, a smoldering, is nicely effective in ... Jul 19 06, 13:28 
JustDaniel QUOTE(e h estry @ Jul 19 06, 14:28 ) 7907... Jul 24 06, 10:36 JLY Daniel,
Upon first reading this, I thought the fi... Jul 20 06, 06:04 AMETHYST Hi Daniel,
It is always a pleasure to read your ... Jul 21 06, 11:11 poeticpiers Fine job Daniel but I am left mystifyed by the tea... Jul 22 06, 08:19 Don Hi Daniel,
The first line is too unnatural for my... Jul 22 06, 13:09 JustDaniel QUOTE(Don @ Jul 22 06, 14:09 ) 79276The f... Jul 24 06, 10:48 JustDaniel I must be heading on to church
but will not leave ... Jul 23 06, 07:05 Don Thank you dear Daniel,
To a little tax on tea
I ... Jul 23 06, 08:14 Cleo_Serapis Hi Daniel.
I enjoyed this one for the content and... Jul 23 06, 08:56 JustDaniel QUOTE(Cleo_Serapis @ Jul 23 06, 09:56 ) 7... Jul 24 06, 11:15 Cathy LOL I wondered about the Boston Tea Party! I... Jul 23 06, 12:54 Don Hiya Daniel,
I like your revision more than origi... Jul 23 06, 13:01 JustDaniel QUOTE(Cathy @ Jul 23 06, 13:54 ) 79340LOL... Jul 24 06, 11:52 1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
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