Klaus' Expensive Lunch, A poem Options

[Guest_Jox_*]

© Todd Congreve, 2005. I, Todd Congreve, do assert my right to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with Sections 77 and 78 of The Copyrights, Designs And Patents Act, 1988. (Laws of Cymru & England, as recognised by international treaties). This work was simultaneously copyrighted in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and the United States of America. This work is posted as an unpublished work in order to elicit critical assistance and other helpful comment, only.

Upgraded from AC to AD, thanks to Nina's two suggestions and from AD to AE following Liam's call for greater clarity.

Klaus’ Expensive Lunch
by TC

Pub lunch: two men
debate political philosophy.
One creed - one country -
one loyalty - one master.

A beer; kinship?
Questions: sister? agents?
mad? bad? sane? good?
depends on perspective.

Harwell needs you -
I’m your friend, Klaus -
help me keep you there.
“We” need to convince “them.”

perspectives -
only things which matter.

Your side; my side; “our” side,
fought Nazi Germany...
today - different perspectives.

Mental-partition wall:
made of what?
Those same brain cells
with divided loyalties?
How does one cope with
neuron osmosis?
Protect job; freedom; lover?

What price a pint?
Nine years - that’s
post-war inflation.

Come on Klaus; I’m your friend.
Your welfare is my chief concern.
Now, hand me the keys
to your gaol cell...

                          ...Good man, Klaus

(end)



Ref: TC 0432 AD (Started: 25/07/2005)

Klaus’ Expensive Lunch
by TC

Pub lunch: two men
debate political philosophy.
One creed - one country -
one loyalty - one master.

A beer; kinship?
Questions: sister? agents?
mad? bad? sane? good?
depends on perspective.

Harwell needs this man -
I’m your friend, Klaus -
help me keep you there.
We need to convince them.

perspectives -
only things
which matter.

Your side; my side; our side.
Fighting Nazi Germany -
but today?
Today... different perspectives.

What price a pint?
Nine years - that’s
post-war inflation.

Mental-partition wall: made of what?
Those same brain cells which have
divided loyalties?
How does one cope with
neuron osmosis?
Protect job; freedom; lover?

Come on Klaus; I’m your friend.
Your welfare is my chief concern.
Now, hand me the keys
to your gaol cell...

                          ...Good man, Klaus.

(end)

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Notes:

This was inspired by a BBC R4 play “Atomic Lunch” broadcast on 25/07/2005.

Here’s the BBC website comment:
Monday 25 July - Atomic Lunch - By Michael Butt

In January 1950 two men meet for lunch in an Oxfordshire pub. One is the Head of Physics at Harwell Research Laboratory. The other is a senior MI5 investigator. One of the most important spy stories of the cold war is about to be revealed.

I would add:

Klaus is Klaus Fuchs - Britain's notorious "Atom Spy" who sold UK /USA atomic secrets to the soviets. His lunch "companion" was a senior MI5 interrogator.

Here‘s a Wikipedia info page on him... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Klaus_Fuchs

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Liam,

Again, thank you very much for your crit and comments. I have upgraded (from AD to AE) this work as a consequence. Please, if you can, let me know if the upgrade helps / hinders / makes no difference.

>L>From what I gathered about the piece your drawing the reader more towards questioning amorality rather than morality - a very tasty subject.

Yes, that would be the case. I can never decide where morality ends and amorality begins; one man's immorality is another's amorality. My favourite writing subject by a long chalk is espionage. It is why I'm in writing. I think most people would say espionage is amoral and yet, and yet.

>L>So I really just want to help you get that across a well as possible. The fragmented style you've chosen really helps you get the topic across in places

Thank you. That tends to be my main direction in poetry; I don't really do forms, don't understand rhythm and don't like words which don't earn their keep.

>L>But the problem is you've really given away the punch line in the second stanza - and the rest tends to confuse the matter. I think the main issue is that the order of the stanzas could be swapped around quite easily without interfering with what you are getting across, but that suggests to me the structure is hindering the poem.

Sorry, I didn't quite understand this. The punch line is really that Fuchs was made to gaol himself by a seeming "friend" over a quiet chat in a pub. And patronised to boot. The theme is the morality and I tried to develop that throughout.

However, reading through it I understood some confusions and tried to change some words and orders to overcome that. I don't know if I've successfully addressed your concerns?

>L>There are a few ways you might like to change this. Personally, I would try - now that you're sure of what you want to say - rewriting the poem without looking at this draft.

Well, I think I knew what I wanted to say - that a brilliant man like Fuchs was ensnared in the most innocious of circumstances by a friendly lunch companion, using fiendish tactics. In that, I was reflecting the radio play. I also wanted to bring those questions of morality to which you alluded.

>L>By that, I'm not suggesting a drastic re-write, though it might seem that way. I don't think any of the lines or verses are particularly 'bad' but I think if you tried re-drafting the piece by focusing on your meaning more than your lines, it would be easier for people to draw the sort of conclusions your after.

Ah there's interesting. I really don't mind what conclusions people draw; I almoost never do. I find readers' different interpretations fascinating. I don't want to tell them what to think - I want to put the subject there and see what they do think.

>L>At first, the re-draft may seem somewhat formulaic but this is usually one of the easiest things to fix in a fit of creativity.

Well, when I brought this to MM it was in its third draft (AC), I amended it after Nina's corrections (AD) and now it is in its fifth draft (AE) so I'm always re-drafting and delighted do to do.

>L>I hope this helps

Thanks Liam. It has resulted in another re-draft as suggested. I hope it makes more sense now.

Cheers, James.