Merry? Go-Round Options

[Guest_Nina_*]

Merry? Go-Round (revised with thanks to James, Cathy and Fran)

Once gaily-coloured horse
on endlessly turning
merry-go-round.

Weather-worn,
paint peeling,
chipped,
scarred.

Surrounded by
noise,
bustle,
grime.

Genteel elegance
battered through time.

Fixed rigid:
limited movement
controlled from above  –
up, down,
round and round.

Trapped in never-ending circle;
weighted by burdens carried:
narrow existence.

Does it yearn to escape?
flex restricted limbs;
gallop off - different direction
far from its prison.

Light as a soaring swallow:
riderless,
         unencumbered,
                             independent,
                                                  free.



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Merry-Go-Round (original)

A once gaily-coloured horse
stands on endlessly turning
merry-go-round:
weather worn,
paint peeling,
chipped, scarred:
surrounded by noise,
bustle and grime:
genteel elegance
battered through time.

Rigidly fixed on its platform:
limited movement
controlled from above  –
up, down,
round and round:
trapped in never-ending circle;
weighed down by burdens carried:
narrow existence.

Does it yearn to escape -
flex restricted limbs;
gallop off in divergent direction
far from its prison cage;
light as a swallow soaring high:
riderless,
unencumbered,
independent,
free.


Nina

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Fran

An interesting philosophical question. Does it yearn for freedom, or does it feel safe in it's confined life, where it has companions,  purpose, direction (albeit going nowhere in fact) and belongs ... ?
Thanks Fran, you have my meaning  :laugh: the merry-go-round horse is just a vehicle for looking at the mundane and routine in our lives.  We go round and round doing the same thing day in day out, its confining, controlled, boring and wears us down over the years, but as you say it is safe, secure and we know what to expect, have friends purpose, but actually as you say we are going nowhere other than in circles.  Do people ever long to jump off the merry-go-round into the unknown out of their "comfort zones" and do something different, out of the ordinary, take a risk and feel a sort of freedom.

Thanks for your suggestions

A once gaily-coloured horse
{stands on} endlessly turning
[on] merry-go-round:
weather worn,  --- hyphen ?
paint peeling,
chipped, scarred:
surrounded by noise,
bustle {and} grime:
genteel elegance  
battered through time.  
James made the same suggestion and I really need to think on this one carefully


Not quite sure if carosels could have genteel elegance? would bright exuberance or similar work?
the genteel elegance is meant to refer to the horse

Rigidly fixed {on its platform}:
limited movement
{controlled from above  –} --- line a tad confusing: God ? man ? Pulleys ? ... or did you want that double take?
yes, I did want the double take on this

Not quite sure about that penultimate line. Would it work swapped with last ? 'burdens carried' = tautological ?
I will look at the line.  Cathy made a suggestion that I like, I don't know if that would work better, though it wouldn't do away with your question-mark of tautology unless I dropped carried.

Does it yearn to escape -
flex restricted limbs;
gallop off {in divergent direction} --- ouch  : )
far from its prison cage;
light as a swallow soaring high:
riderless,
unencumbered,
independent,
free.

The last verse poses a question, so the prose bit of me feels there ought to be a question mark floating around somewhere or other, but not sure where - first line or last?
divergent will be revised, thanks and James has showed me where to put the question mark.

Thanks for your help

Cheers

Nina