A Poet in the World of Reality Options

[Guest_Toumai_*]

A Poet in the World of Reality

Poets muse,
waiting:
for inspiration,
enlightenment,
perfection.

I’m impatient,
gossiping
outside school:
road works,
celebrities,
holiday horrors.

Poets feel.

I am touched by:
sunburn,
beggars,
gastric ’flu.

Poets notice:
prismatic sunbeams,
striking gossamer;
rainbow magic.

I wonder where
sodding scary spiders
crouch, waiting;
spinning in the shadows
menacing my existence.
So much debris;
so much fear.

Poets brave
the unimaginable:
writing it ...

I take:
children to school,
cat to vet,
recycling to dump,
offence ... too easily.

Poets take:
liberties,
lovers,
drugs,
forever deciding
where to place one ...
    full
         Stop
                .

© Toumai, 2005

Thanks, James, for much-needed pre-crit

[Guest__*]

Dear Fran,

I am shocked to see I have not yet commented - read it, and all the answers, so somehow assumed I was in there.

I think I see one or two places. I'm wondering if the contrast would be stronger if you used not poetS but "the poet"?

A Poet in the World of Reality

Poets muse,  
waiting: -- don't think you need the : here ?
for inspiration,
enlightenment,
perfection.

I’m impatient, -- see below
outside school:
road works,
celebrities,
holiday horrors.

I'm not amused by
gossiping
road works,
celebrities,
holiday horrors.

Poets feel. -- Could be a whole verse, to contrast with next :

Poets feel
passion,
the movement of heavenly bodies,
their cousins' most intimate concerns.

I am touched by:
sunburn,
beggars,
gastric ’flu.

Poets notice: -- del :
prismatic sunbeams,
striking gossamer; -- only comma
rainbow magic.

I wonder where
sodding scary spiders
crouch, waiting;
spinning in the shadows -- add ,
menacing my existence.
So much debris;
so much fear.

Poets brave
the unimaginable:
writing it ...

I take:
children to school,
cat to vet,
recycling to dump,
offence ... too easily. -- Love this inversion !

Poets take:
liberties,
lovers,
drugs,
forever deciding -- forever, deciding
where to place one ...
   full
        Stop
               .

Feel free to ignore me, just some ideas. Loved the concept, felt a little more alt/balance was needed.

Love
Alan