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Guest_Nina_*
post Jun 14 05, 10:11
Post #1





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Stones (revised - thanks Alan, James and Fran)

As I walk towards you
a stone catches my gaze.
Picking it up,
I feel its presence
weighting in my hand.

Silken surface,
polished smooth
by weathering through time.
Dark, ebony hues give
hint of inner mystery.
Tiny imperfections
enhance character.

Lonely silence,
broken only
by distant hum
of motorway traffic,
accompanies my steps.

I move onward;
passing so many rows
of scrubbed white stones,
stretching  so far
in geometric arrangement.

Finally, I reach you.

I place warm stone,
on cold, hard rim of
upright marble.
My tears fall freely

A trace of me
lies with you.


Notes:  In Jewish cemeteries no one brings flowers to put on graves.  Instead it is traditional to place a small stone on the headstone to signify that you have visited.  This tradition probably goes back to the time before headstones were commonplace when piles of stones were used to mark the location of a grave.

Motorway: The British word for freeway.



-----------------------
Stones (original)

As I walk towards you,
a stone catches my gaze.
Picking it up,
I feel its presence
weighing in my hand.

Silken surface,
polished smooth
by weathering through time.
Dark, ebony hue gives
hint of inner mystery.
Tiny imperfections,
enhance character.

Lonely silence,
broken only
by distant hum
of motorway traffic,
accompanies my steps.
I move onward;
passing row upon row
of scrubbed white stones,
which stretch for miles
in geometric arrangement.

Finally I reach you.

Tears fall freely
as I place warm stone,
on cold, hard rim of
upright marble.

A trace of me
now marks the place
where you lie
in earth below.


Notes:  In Jewish cemeteries no one brings flowers to put on graves.  Instead it is traditional to place a small stone on the headstone to signify that you have visited.  This tradition probably goes back to the time before headstones were commonplace when piles of stones were used to mark the location of a grave.
Nina
 
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Guest_Nina_*
post Jun 15 05, 01:25
Post #2





Guest






Hi James, Alan

other words that come to mind instead of rests are lingers, remains, stays.

Help!!!!  :wall:

Nina
 
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Posts in this topic
- Nina   Stones   Jun 14 05, 10:11
- -   Dear Nina, Quite touching. Didn't know about ...   Jun 14 05, 10:37
- - Jox   Hi Nina - I didn't know about the stones - tha...   Jun 14 05, 11:17
- - Nina   Hi Alan Thanks for your suggestions As I walk to...   Jun 14 05, 11:32
- - Nina   Hi James A few suggestions. thank you, much appre...   Jun 14 05, 11:36
- - Jox   Hi Nina - yes I saw Alan's comments after I le...   Jun 14 05, 11:43
- - Nina   Hi James No I don't think the poem would be b...   Jun 14 05, 12:09
- -   Dear Nina, Re motorway - do use some form of road...   Jun 14 05, 12:25
- - Jox   Hi Nina, a few ideas to play with - though I still...   Jun 14 05, 12:49
- - Nina   Hi Alan I prefer to leave motorway in and add an ...   Jun 14 05, 13:00
- - Nina   Hi James Thanks for all your suggestion for the l...   Jun 14 05, 13:02
- - Toumai   Hi Nina, Your poem is deeply moving regarding vis...   Jun 14 05, 13:33
- - Nina   Hi Fran Thanks for your comments they are much ap...   Jun 14 05, 14:29
- - Toumai   I think that's the way I see them, Nina; even ...   Jun 14 05, 14:43
- - Nina   Hi James, Alan would this wording work better for...   Jun 14 05, 14:51
- - Toumai   Stick with that view, Nina - that's what 15 ye...   Jun 14 05, 15:06
- - Jox   Hi Nina, Well, it's entirely your choice but ...   Jun 14 05, 15:50
- - Nina   Hi James OK I'll consign that one to the recy...   Jun 14 05, 15:58
- - Jox   Sorry Nina - but I'm sure it's worth it. ...   Jun 14 05, 16:11
- - Nina   Hi James no problem and no need to apologise ...   Jun 14 05, 16:34
- -   Dear Nina, Not bad. How about A trace of me re...   Jun 14 05, 17:02
- - Nina   Hi Alan A trace of me rests within you ? or wit...   Jun 14 05, 17:17
- - Jox   Hi Nina, My trace...with you any use? (rests is...   Jun 14 05, 17:28
- - Nina   I've made some revisions now.  Please tel...   Jun 16 05, 16:25
- - Jox   Hi Nina, Yes, I do believe that the final verse n...   Jun 16 05, 16:51
- - Nina   Hi James thank you, much appreciated.  I...   Jun 16 05, 17:08
- - Cleo_Serapis   Congrats Nina on your wizard award winning tile! ...   Aug 19 06, 10:54
- - Cathy   lol... We've got to stop meeting like this...   Aug 19 06, 14:44
- - Eisa   Well done again Nina! You have certainly writt...   Aug 19 06, 16:58

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