Odd Socks Options

[Guest_Nina_*]

Odd Socks (revised)

A pair of odd socks
tucked in a drawer:
one blue,
one black flecked with white;
long ill-matched;
hidden in darkness,
never proudly displayed.

I should separate them;
initiate search for their mates.
Yet something stops me -
fear of change?
loneliness worries?
habit?

I’ve grown used to them paired,
so they lie
folded together;
one blue,
one black  flecked with white;
growing old
trapped.


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Odd Socks (original)

A pair of odd socks
tucked in a drawer:
one blue,
one black, flecked with white;
ill-matched for so long;
hiding in darkness
never proudly displayed.

I should separate them;
initiate search for their mate.
Yet something stops me -
fear for change?
thoughts of loneliness?
habit?

I’ve grown used to seeing them paired,
so there they lie
folded together;
one blue,
one black, flecked with white;
gathering dust,
growing old.

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi 2B

This is my first attempt at “critting” , so I am actually nervous!  Hope I don’t make you nervous, dismayed, enraged, or in any other way ready to pull your hair out!  
I'm chuffed that my poem is your first attempt at critting and of course your thoughts don't make me nervous, dismayed or enraged (though I could do with a bit of hair pulled out as I have far too much,  :grinning: ).  Seriously, I appreciate when someone takes the trouble to read, ponder and offer their thoughts on my work, that's why it is posted here for crit, so thank you.

It is sad because couples are, to me, always a pairing of  “odd socks“.  It definitely left me with the sweet ache of recognition. If it were socks of different sizes as well as colors…but, thankfully, it is not.  With the line, “I’ve grown used to seeing them paired” it is, for me, as if the narrator could be a relative looking on, perhaps a teenaged or adult child.  The way you begin the poem with the irony (?) of “A pair of odd socks”, starts right then and there to coax me toward the ah-ha experience of recognizing something other than socks.
I don't think couples are always a pairing of odd socks.  Some people are lucky enough to find their "soul mate" and have a wonderfully satisfying relationship.  Others do not and may have married or stayed together for the wrong reason.  I also know people who have had unhappy first marriages and then moved on to find their other half.

Would you consider leaving out “fear for [of] change?/thoughts of loneliness?/habit?”?  It takes me away from the socks as if the narrator were blocking my path.
interesting commen.  The fear of change, loneliness and habit are things that block couple's paths to taking the step of getting out of an unhappy relationship and opening up the opportunity to finding happiness.

Could “I should separate them” be “I could separate them”?
changing should to could, subtly alters the meaning so I think I will leave it as is.


Could it be “initiate a search…”?
something I have been learning since coming on the board is that in poetry definite and indefinite articles are often left out to help the flow.

Could “so there they lie” become “so they lie there”?
I have plans to change this on my revisions, leaving out there altogether.

I feel as though “never proudly displayed” needs chewing on but can’t really say why.     Could it be left out?  Ditto for “gathering dust” (but, then again, I like the two “g“ sounds!.  How’s the title doing amid all this playing with the language?
with never proudly displayed, I was trying to get the double meaning, firstly of the socks never being worn and secondly the couple never going out together, sharing, enjoying each other's company.  Each does their own thing.

Here is how it might look like with the changes (do you like it when people DO this?!  Please let me know.)  
yes, it is quite helpful when a critter has made a lot of suggestions, to see what the whole thing will look like.

Thanks very much for your suggestions, they are much appreciated.

Nina