junior guests present their work, my kids' poems from a workshop Options

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi, everyone

My kids went to a poetry workshop recently and had a fabulous time, hearing poetry, writing their own and making huge pictures (on the back of an old roll of wallpaper) to illustrate one. The event was to raise money for 'Children of Chernobyl'. They came home and asked if their work could be put on the web (since mum spends so much time there) ...


Tornado, by Jason (age 8): a shape poem


  Tornados can go at
        about 1200 miles
                per hour. They
                      surround
                       hurricanes
                      or tidal
                    waves.
              Tornados
            a r e
             swirling
               vortices
                 of wind.
                         They
                             can
                                suck
                                 u p
                               things
                           up to
                         as big
                      as a
                  church.
                     They
                       are very
                               deva-
                                     stating
                                          and can
                                          destroy
                                    whole
                                 forests
                           at a time.





My Guinea Pigs  
by Elizabeth (age 6): a prose poem

Our guinea pigs squeak when they are hungry.
When dad squeaks he frightens them.
They eat hay, salad, apple, carrot, grass, dandelion and guinea pig food.

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Elizabeth,

My Guinea Pigs, by Elizabeth (age 6): a prose poem

Our guinea pigs squeak when they are hungry. When dad squeaks he frightens them. They eat hay, salad, apple, carrot, grass, dandylion and guinea pig food.

This is also very good. You too should continue with the poems and, you too, should print this out.

I'm in the wrong area of MM to suggest things but don't tell anyone...

You have called this "My" guinea pigs - but started with "our" - I think it would improve if you made the two the same.

I love the juxtaposition (ask Mum or Dad what that means, please) of your GP and Dad squeaking. Excellent.

I know this is a prose poem but what about changing the lines?... (to make it easier to read and pause)...

Just an idea - and a capital letter for Dad because he is a specific dad and that is what you call him. (And check the spelling of "dandylion" by the way...  should be "dandelion" because it comes from the French language, not the English).

and finally, what about the right colours for the vegetables? (I've done one for you - if you like it, try the rest - green for grass etc. What colour might dandelion be - and would it show-up on white paper**?).

Our guinea pigs squeak when they are hungry.

When Dad squeaks he frightens them.

They eat hay, salad, apple, carrot , grass,

dandelion and guinea pig food.


Hope that helps - print this out big font wideways on A4 (with a space between lines) - will look good against your brother's "Tornado."

Best wishes, James.

** Hint: If you or your family are good on computers, try printing from a desk top publisher (not a word processor) and put an out-line to the word "dandelion." Then, if you do print it in a light colour, it would still stand out.