 self-reflective senryu series, *** Critique welcome! |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -> Herme's Homilies
 Jan 21 18, 13:24
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 19,923 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori  |
self-reflective senryu series
What does my life show? Is Truth I'm set apart to communicated? My Home is elsewhere; does that show in what I do and things I cling to? Do my actions speak? show that God, who surrounds me, is completely Good? Do I manifest God's providential greatness? My trust in Him clear? Can my fear of Him be seen in the ways I act? His Word outweighs mine. Is God's Grace to me obvious in life's courtroom? My striving falls short. © MLeeDickens'son 2018 during sermon challenge ·······  ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
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Jan 23 18, 13:56
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 19,923 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Hey, Larry...
I've modified my entry to indicate that critique is welcome. It's been a while since I offered anything, so the habit had died! I like all of your suggestions, and I'll likely incorporate each, though the one to the third senryu would make the first line run directly into the rest for ONE LONG THOUGHT, which isn't supposed to happen in a senryu. Also, I'm not sure if you noticed the IRONY of your having to offer a suggestion in the first senryu!? Do you see it? LOL deLighting in your generous sharing, Daniel 
······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
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Posts in this topic
JustDaniel self-reflective senryu series Jan 21 18, 13:24 
Larry Hey Daniel,
Don’t know if you wanted any critique... Jan 23 18, 12:16 Larry Hi Daniel,
Glad my crits didn't cause you to ... Jan 23 18, 18:54 Arnfinn Quite a sermon there Daniel.
Every section passe... Jan 30 18, 05:06 
JustDaniel Thank you SO very much, John. I'm so sorry th... Jun 22 18, 07:24 1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
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