4th March 2009 Options

[Guest_Ishmael_*]

And in the nights to come the sky will empty
The stars will leave the mourning to rusted moons
Lowering their eyes and coughing as they go
In early twilights breezes glowing guilty
Fiddle with leaves and all the brittle coffins
Lie scattered beneath a single trembling bough

Forget the lies of a vengeance still to come
Whispered by plumes that rise in fretful ribbons
Nothing stirs the covens they stand without shame
Consumptive figures of fun with all their claws
Raking the flaccid clouds and when the rains
Do fall the witches gather them up for oils

And who’s to say when the urge might strike again
To leave the gate for misery’s herds ajar
So lie right here my peach where the husks are blown
And lonely ghosts can watch us night after night
Damping down the dust with trickles of nectar
Let ravens scrape the sky with their broken wit

[Guest_ohsteve_*]

Ro, I realy liked this, but also like John and Leo, I too would prefer some punctuation, or line breaks where punctuation should be..maybe that would work. There are some really excellent visuals and descriptives used here..as Leo said the sneak up behind and poke you. I think this could be a really major piece with just some minor work.

Steve