Edited Version (Sorry, I lost my original while editing, but several valid points had been raised)

M Fitness Mentor Gloria

Today a sonnet I set out to write;
My goal? Oh--just to exercise the mind,
And therefore, nothing clever, something light;
So, don’t expect to read the serious kind.

Let’s talk about my Gloria a bit:
Oh, she is tall and blond, with eyes as blue
As Norway’s Fjords; although she’s strong and fit,
Her Irish mother’s humor still shines through.

Her torture, starting out at 9 o’clock,
Brings back to life my fractured vertebrae.
Then, when I whine, she says: put in a sock!
She made a pretzel out of me today,

Yet, bless her heart, she doesn’t charge a dime—
I hope, she tortures me--for a long time.

Very cute Jerry. Very light.

BUT - Lord help me - I got to point out three things.

1. How about a shorter title"

"Working out with Gloria" instead of this long one.

2. Typo - 9 o'clock instead of 9'oclock

3. The expression is "put a sock in it" so saying "put in a sock" doesn't work really.

Writing a sonnet is not easy. But, this is a great start.

Luce

Hi Luce;
thanks for reading and commenting; yep, I can shorten the title. Thanks for catching the typo in "nine o'clock." Also, I used the reversed phrase "put in a sock" to rhyme with "clock." Admittedly, it's a bit lame, but I'd gotten too lazy to rewrite those two lines because of the sonnet's light tone. I appreciate your wonderful comment. Regards,
Jerry

Hey, Jerry, this is my kind o' sonnet!! Love it!

I think Luce is right about the title as well, so glad that you seem to agree. By the way, the new suggested title might also be considered a new suggestive title --which also might be a plus. Think about it.

I think I agree with your choice of "put in a sock" because it lightly alludes rather obviously to the 'correct' expression... and by the way, what makes an expression like that 'correct' anyhow! LOL

Of course no one here wants you to end up 'with your foot in your mouth', so you should check out your line 9 (aside from the typo mentioned), because it has an extra foot!

Something akin to "her torture starting out at 9 o'clock" might work?

Great to read you, my friend. Looking forward to more.

deLightingly, Daniel

P.S. In light of the tenor of this sonnet, I think you might really enjoy checking out Karnak's Crossing further down the board here. Come drop in and play with me and Larry ... and Merlin also, who joins us there with Limericks of late! I hope we'll see you in one of our daily interchanges in the forms!

Hi Daniel;
it's great to see you; I'll be danged, this is the second reply to you, having lost the first one. Strange--for I thought I knew my way around on this site. Then, to top it all, while I posted a revision of my sonnet, I lost my original text. However, all your points have been noted. I'm glad you like my write and I'll see you on the ''other side," the Karnak's Crossing.
Take care, my friend,
Jerry

Greetings Jerry K,
saw your name so had to pop in to say Hullo!
Yep, time or two I'll look to see what's happening, but don't expect me to critique. That said, how about dropping the klee-shay and using an original like "chew on your sock"?

Good to see you again. Wondered after PC closed down due to lack of participation.

Like JD mentioned, I limerick a bit.

Merlin

Hi there, Merlin;
sorry we lost touch, but I'm glad you stopped by to say hello. Thanks for the suggestion; I like that "chew on your sock," lol. So, PC is totally gone? I lost track of it. Take care, and I'll participate here a bit more often. Maybe even come up with a limerick . . . . Thanks,
Jerry

Hey, Jerry...

Just another vote for the shorter title that was suggested "Working Out with Gloria" -- NOT identifying her as your fitness guru. It leaves much more to the imagination, methinks!

... and I hope you'll drop in on my piece that I posted earlier today. I've not been around up here for some time, and I'm glad to be making a "comeback" of sorts. I look forward to further interacting with you.

deLightingly, Daniel

Thanks again, Daniel;
glad the title change works for you. Just commented on your poem, giving it my best shot, lol. Take care,
Jerry