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My Don Juan's Fantasy |
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Mar 4 15, 11:11
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 369
Joined: 10-May 11
From: Outskirts of Sonoran Desert
Member No.: 4,480
Real Name: JerryK
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
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(Kind reader; this impromptu poem is meant to be humorous. Although not yet complete, at this point I would like to know if it has any merits or should be abandoned. My wife laughs at it--which can be good--or bad.)
My Don Juan Fantasy
Signora Inez made this cloak for her son, the great seducer: Don Juan. The garment served that rascal well; for its producer,
his mother, stitched on magic braids that no fair lady could resist; some hundreds in Italia, Francia, Germania were on his list.
Fine conquests all; in Hispania alone--this mantle worked so well, he tallied one thousand and three old matrons, plus the comely belle.
His sword's keen point came in quite handy in driving off an objecting mate or seriously enraged suitors (who arrived quite mad, but always late).
But now, his cloak--his sword are mine-- its well-shaped grip, the blade elastic, that glistening guard in silvery sheen-- all entirely made of plastic--
and not the famous Toledo steel. “On guard,” I say, “advance; retreat; deux appels . . . attack!” And now he flees-- “Do you, sir knave, concede defeat?”
What woman would refuse the man who’d fought so well to conquer her? I pause to stroke my wavy hair (what’s left), but then I hear a stir:
“Take off that silly, silly cape,” my own fair lady behind me spoke, and I remove the seventeenth century Mardi Gras-ball cloak
long overdue at Sid Luigi’s Costume Shop, since 30 years ago; I place it in the trunk filled with some props I'll save for my next show.
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Mar 6 15, 07:04
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 859
Joined: 27-October 10
From: Havelock Ontario Canada
Member No.: 1,150
Real Name: Denis Barter
Writer of: Poetry
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I for one enjoyed your rhyming tale so far Jerry, and trust you'll finish it? Although I do believe you've given away the punch line already! I too am guilty of writing some of my own poems in a like manner: keeping the reader engrossed and entirely going down the wrong road, until that all important disclosure at the end! Nice to read lines that have a rhythm and decent rhyming pattern. Simple but effective. Well that's my thoughts for what they're worth. Some may not agree but that's will be their problem! Keep going! Ciao Rhymer.
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Mar 6 15, 17:02
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 369
Joined: 10-May 11
From: Outskirts of Sonoran Desert
Member No.: 4,480
Real Name: JerryK
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
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QUOTE (Rhymer @ Mar 6 15, 05:04 ) I for one enjoyed your rhyming tale so far Jerry, and trust you'll finish it? Although I do believe you've given away the punch line already! I too am guilty of writing some of my own poems in a like manner: keeping the reader engrossed and entirely going down the wrong road, until that all important disclosure at the end! Nice to read lines that have a rhythm and decent rhyming pattern. Simple but effective. Well that's my thoughts for what they're worth. Some may not agree but that's will be their problem! Keep going! Ciao Rhymer. Hi there, Rhymer; thanks for the visit; well, not too many readers will have a problem with your assessment because it is very quiet here. I haven't yet decided what to do with this particular write because it is a quirky notion that I pursued, something that had it's origin in a find as I perused my attic space. Let's say, this poem is a narrative, and something that I might yet revise--or simply set aside. As you know, not everything is worthy of preservation, lol, but to be fair to myself, I'll post it on another forum and see what the reaction might be. Meanwhile, thanks for reading and commenting. It's good to see you, Jerry
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Mar 7 15, 19:25
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Mosaic Master
Group: Praetorian
Posts: 4,599
Joined: 4-August 03
From: Birmingham, England
Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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Hi Jerry, I enjoyed your sense of humour here, which made me smile. It really seems already finished to me, but if you decide to make any changes I'll look forward to reading again. Snow
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Mar 9 15, 07:37
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 369
Joined: 10-May 11
From: Outskirts of Sonoran Desert
Member No.: 4,480
Real Name: JerryK
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
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QUOTE (Eisa @ Mar 7 15, 17:25 ) Hi Jerry, I enjoyed your sense of humour here, which made me smile. It really seems already finished to me, but if you decide to make any changes I'll look forward to reading again. Snow Hi there, Snow; thanks for looking into my write. I must have been in a silly mood when I wrote this account of the Don. Down the road I may tinker with these verses, but at the moment they are no longer on my priority list. Now I look at this poem as an amusing sketch--but nothing of lasting value. Thanks for reading and commenting. Jerry
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Apr 3 15, 01:46
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Ornate Oracle
Group: Praetorian
Posts: 8,875
Joined: 27-August 04
From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia
Member No.: 78
Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:David Ting
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Hi Jerry!
I've had a good laugh with your Don Juan fantasy, expressed in simple rhyme and rhythm.
Very effective and with a trickster's twist at the end...LOL...
You can't remove it from MM now, because all your fans will be very angry! Do tell us how it has fared in other forums.
Great to see you posting, hope to follow suit presently,
Cheers, Syl***
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"There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction."
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Apr 5 15, 08:22
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 369
Joined: 10-May 11
From: Outskirts of Sonoran Desert
Member No.: 4,480
Real Name: JerryK
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
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QUOTE (Psyche @ Apr 2 15, 23:46 ) Hi Jerry!
I've had a good laugh with your Don Juan fantasy, expressed in simple rhyme and rhythm.
Very effective and with a trickster's twist at the end...LOL...
You can't remove it from MM now, because all your fans will be very angry! Do tell us how it has fared in other forums.
Great to see you posting, hope to follow suit presently,
Cheers, Syl*** Hi there, Syl; how nice to see ya again! How the heck have ya been? I check in about once every couple day--just to see what's happening on this site. I'm glad you got something out of my write. To answer your question--yes, I'd posted it on another site (TPS) where this write (and others) drew some nice comments that now encouraged me to self-publish all my poems and prose. At my age (80) it's time to collect my writings and present them to family and friends. All's well here at my end and I hope you are doing okay? Thanks for commenting, and I hope to see you again, soon. Be well, Jerry
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