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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews _ ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 _ Departure of Ardea

Posted by: Thoth Mar 6 10, 07:59

Departure of Ardea
(When the Heron Flies)

Ardea Goliath, the giant heron

From the gleaming sandbank,
a dark hunched valkyrie
patiently contemplates the wind.
Glossy goliath wings, spread abruptly skyward;
Momentarily she stoops, then -
leaping into the air,
sheds the earth-ties of gravity.

Slender legs droop gracefully behind,
silver droplets falling
onto a trail of widening circles
on the muddy shallows where
small fish and water birds scatter.

Keeping low,
powerful down-curved wings
pulse with slow deliberate strokes
while a black river-bound spirit scurries beneath,
pursuing her across the restless water.

Gathering speed, she climbs,
working for altitude until turning
to a chosen heading, massive weapon
folded back, into a streamlined sheath and with
wings-beats calmed for cruising flight,
she rapidly vanishes into
the river haze.

Alone in the moody stillness of Africa,
I am left disturbed by the knowledge that
one day - she’ll not return.

- -
© WW Schwim

Goliath Heron - Ardea Goliath. While still resident on some of the larger rivers of Southern Africa, the largest living heron in the world, is now threatened by human invasion of it’s habitat.

This is what she looks like;

Posted by: Peggy Carpenter Harwood Mar 6 10, 08:10

Hi Wally,

This type of writing is so difficult in my opinion, and you 've done the noble bird proud with your fine descriptive free verse poem in my humble opinion!!! I struggled for a long time on a poem about a sea gull a few years back and sadly learned that I didn't have the right vocabulary and knowledge of oronothology to do it justice. You, on the other hand, have more than excelled, I believe.

I enjoyed the poem!!!

Peggy

Posted by: ohsteve Mar 6 10, 14:01

Wally, wonderfully descriptive, with such a sad note to end on, however true it might be. All we can do is keep on fighting for mother nature.

Steve

Posted by: Thoth Mar 6 10, 14:18

Dear Peggy,

Thanks for those kind words on this simple sketch. I'm sure your seagull poem will one-day reach fruition. Your vocab is as good as anyone's and technical knowledge of the subject although helpful is not a prerequisite for successful poetry. Just write what your eyes see and your heart tells you.

Hugz,

Wally

Posted by: Thoth Mar 6 10, 14:23

Steve,

Thank you for popping in. Yes, nature conservation is both a delight and a sorrow for me. Delight in experiencing wildlife first hand and sorrow in watching it being systematically decimated by uncaring or ignorant humans.

Cheers,

Wally

Posted by: Peterpan Mar 10 10, 04:24

Wally~ I am African and have gazed at birds taking off, with wonder but, you have captured the calculated flight image with incredible dexterity. You have captured every feather shifting into that flight. This is an excellent poem. You really have a gift for the written word. I would like to share this poem with my budding poet uncle if I may? He is a nature lover and he will enjoy this poem and it will inspire him to write more.

What amazes me is your pace you achieved in this poem. It was unhurried. Just like the flight of the Ardea.

I cant see any crits at present. I am just in sheer wonderment of the poetic prowess!

Well done! You must be very proud!

Bev

Posted by: Eisa Mar 10 10, 19:12

Hi Wally

This is truly an inspiration and I'm so glad you posted it. Your imagery is perfect, leading to a very poignant end - I'll have to come back again for another look. I can see nothing I'd change on first read.

Hugs
Snow

ps: loved the pictures too - especially the 1st one.

Posted by: Oludpoet Apr 3 10, 23:49

Wally the Great,

I missed you in action not because you are not active but because I am less active
I hope you are better now and can move around freely I convinced myself strongly long time ago that nothing can hold you down. Thanks for your contributions to my poetry development.

This poem is perfect like every of your other poems and the picture is excellent.

This season may all your heart desires be granted.

Posted by: Sekhmet Apr 4 10, 01:26

Good morning Wally - I don't often stray into the free verse section - but I took the risk today, and was delighted by your word picture, (almost natural history, word movie) of the fiight of the Great Heron - I could see it so clearly - her majestic dignity and her total comand of the air!
Then I scrolled down to the pictures of the birds I'll never see.
I am so glad I popped in for a visit!
Hugs, Leo

Posted by: 4rum Apr 4 10, 07:17

Departure of Ardea
(When the Heron Flies)

Thank you for the subtitle.

Ardea Goliath, the giant heron

From the gleaming sandbank,
a dark, hunched valkyrie I would add the coma, up to you.
patiently contemplates the wind.

I greatly admire your knowledge of larger birds. They need the facing wind to take off.

Glossy goliath wings, spread abruptly skyward;
Momentarily she stoops, then -
leaping into the air,
sheds the earth-ties of gravity.

Again to my mind, very accurate. This is exciting.

Slender legs droop gracefully behind,
silver droplets falling
onto a trail of widening circles
on the muddy shallows where
small fish and water birds scatter.

Beautiful interlude, brought a big smile.

Keeping low,
powerful down-curved wings
pulse with slow deliberate strokes
while a black river-bound spirit scurries beneath,
pursuing her across the restless water.

My perceptions is: The spirit is the shadow. Again very good description.

Gathering speed, she climbs,
working for altitude.Looong sentence, I might have chopped it.
turning to a chosen heading, massive weapon
folded back, into a streamlined sheath and with
wings-beats calmed for cruising flight,
she rapidly vanishes into
the river haze.

Alone in the moody stillness of Africa,
I am left disturbed by the knowledge that
one day - she’ll not return.

This speaks volumes of the destiny of so many of our wild creatures.
Your write is a tremendous tribute to this heron. The pics were much enjoyed as well.

'rum

Posted by: Thoth Apr 4 10, 10:51

Thank you all for reading and your appreciated comments.

I am glad to have have shared a tiny piece of my experience through in this modest sketch.

4rum, thanks for those suggestions, that sentence is indeed too long.

Stay well my friends,

Wally.