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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews _ ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 _ A Grunt with No Name
Posted by: JaxMyth Jun 11 07, 22:01
The Calf is mouthing verdigris.
The Bitch of Rome is unimpressed.
Expressing her mortality
Britannia lifts and points her breast...
I met a soldier in a tree-less land,
who said:-" Once I rode upon a white horse.
Then the rain and wind had soft hands
and each day was glory come to visit.
Milk and honey seeped into my bones
and I was the Paladin and Saviour of all.
Now, I spend my nights in a savage land
each eye wracked by skeins of pale skin.
My brothers lie as broken pieces
and I stand watch wasted in the sand.
The rubble drizzles dust and men.
I try to breathe and hold myself tall
but all I hear is the sound of nails on wood
and hatred hammers down my hands and feet."
Posted by: itsmechris Jun 12 07, 11:14
and hatred hammers down my hands and feet."
Thank you for such visually moving imagery. I took back my seat to this
one and read it twice! Bravo!
However I would like to ask, why the italicized stanza?
Posted by: Cathy Jun 12 07, 11:56
Hi Jax,
This is a very powerful poem, especially the ending. Your use of imagery is strong as well! This may sound dumb but what is the connection between the title and the poem?
I've got just a couple of comments or suggestions... use or lose as you see fit! *smiles*
Cathy
I met a soldier in a tree-less land. < Should this be a comma?
who said:-" Once I rode upon a white horse.
The rain and wind had soft hands then
and each day was glory come to visit.
Milk and honey seeped into my bones
and I was the Paladin and Saviour of all.
I spend my nights now in a savage land,
each eye wracked by skeins of pale skin.
My brothers lie as broken pieces
while I stand watch wasted in the sand.
The rubble drizzles dust and men.
I try to breathe and hold myself tall
but all I hear is the sound of nails on wood
{and}[while] hatred hammers down my hands and feet."
Posted by: Judi Jun 12 07, 13:23
The Bitch of Rome is unimpressed.
Expressing her mortality
Britannia lifts and points her breast...
I met a soldier in a tree-less land(.),
who said:-" Once I rode upon a white horse.
The rain and wind had soft hands(,)then(,)
and each day was glory come to visit.
Milk and honey seeped into my bones
and I was the Paladin and Saviour of all."
"I spend my nights now in a savage land,
each eye wracked by skeins of pale skin.
My brothers lie as broken pieces
while I stand watch(,) wasted in the sand.(")
"The rubble drizzles dust and men.
I try to breathe and hold myself tall(,)
but all I hear is the sound of nails on wood
and hatred hammers down my hands and feet."
Hi Jax....This is beautiful and a real keeper. The only nits I have are punctuation, and you can use or lose as you want. Thanks for sharing this! Judi
Posted by: JaxMyth Jun 13 07, 18:48
and hatred hammers down my hands and feet."
Thank you for such visually moving imagery. I took back my seat to this
one and read it twice! Bravo!
However I would like to ask, why the italicized stanza?
Hi Chris,
It is an epigraph. It is non attributed as it was written by me.
Thank you for your kind words.
Regards,
Jax
Posted by: JaxMyth Jun 13 07, 18:59
This is a very powerful poem, especially the ending. Your use of imagery is strong as well! This may sound dumb but what is the connection between the title and the poem?
A grunt with no name is the unknown soldier but it also riffs off America's 'horse with no name'. This of course ia also all conflated with Shelley's 'Ozymandias'. From gregarius to grunt they are the ones who bear the burden.
I've got just a couple of comments or suggestions... use or lose as you see fit! *smiles*
Cathy
I met a soldier in a tree-less land. < Should this be a comma? Yes it should and it will be changed thank you. A little sloppy housekeeping on my part. *cha-grin*
who said:-" Once I rode upon a white horse.
The rain and wind had soft hands then
and each day was glory come to visit.
Milk and honey seeped into my bones
and I was the Paladin and Saviour of all.
I spend my nights now in a savage land,
each eye wracked by skeins of pale skin.
My brothers lie as broken pieces
while I stand watch wasted in the sand.
The rubble drizzles dust and men.
I try to breathe and hold myself tall
but all I hear is the sound of nails on wood
{and}[while] hatred hammers down my hands and feet."
I have see-sawed on this greatly and am still a tad unsure.
Many thanks Cathy and regards,
Jax
Posted by: JaxMyth Jun 13 07, 19:01
The Bitch of Rome is unimpressed.
Expressing her mortality
Britannia lifts and points her breast...
I met a soldier in a tree-less land(.),
who said:-" Once I rode upon a white horse.
The rain and wind had soft hands(,)then(,)
and each day was glory come to visit.
Milk and honey seeped into my bones
and I was the Paladin and Saviour of all."
"I spend my nights now in a savage land,
each eye wracked by skeins of pale skin.
My brothers lie as broken pieces
while I stand watch(,) wasted in the sand.(")
"The rubble drizzles dust and men.
I try to breathe and hold myself tall(,)
but all I hear is the sound of nails on wood
and hatred hammers down my hands and feet."
Hi Jax....This is beautiful and a real keeper. The only nits I have are punctuation, and you can use or lose as you want. Thanks for sharing this! Judi
Thank you Judi,
Your comments are always gretaly appreciated,
regards,
Jax
Posted by: bbnixon Jun 15 07, 07:21
Hi Jax,
I have no nits, just appreciation. Being from a military family...I picked up on the grunt immediately...actaully it is what brought me in to read your poem. It works. I have favorite parts
Milk and honey seeped into my bones
and I was the Paladin and Saviour of all.
try to breathe and hold myself tall
but all I hear is the sound of nails on wood
and hatred hammers down my hands and feet."
I enjoyed the read very much.
:) brenda
Posted by: Kathy Jun 18 07, 22:35
OUCH Jax.
I don't entirely understand it, but I see riffs to Ozymandias, to war in the Middle East, the Old Testiment re Jews, crucifiction, mythology and the present. The Un-named Soldier through time.
That war and humanity's inhumanity to humanity is an ongoing madness.
The quote at the beginning increases mystery for me. I see that calf mouthing 'verdigris' although it is not a whale. ??? The Bitch of Rome and Brittania's point (of view?) baffle me further.
Jax, you are in my thoughts today as I hear warnings to residents to prepare for more, 'even worse' rain and wind in your region. The third lot of 'severe' weather within two weeks.
.
Posted by: JaxMyth Jun 26 07, 06:37
I have no nits, just appreciation. Being from a military family...I picked up on the grunt immediately...actaully it is what brought me in to read your poem. It works. I have favorite parts
Milk and honey seeped into my bones
and I was the Paladin and Saviour of all.
try to breathe and hold myself tall
but all I hear is the sound of nails on wood
and hatred hammers down my hands and feet."
I enjoyed the read very much.
:) brenda
Thank you Brenda and my apologies for the tardiness of my reply, Nature instead of the Piper intervened.
Regards,
Jax
Posted by: JaxMyth Jun 26 07, 06:52
I don't entirely understand it, but I see riffs to Ozymandias, to war in the Middle East, the Old Testiment re Jews, crucifiction, mythology and the present. The Un-named Soldier through time.
[b]You nailed it Kathy and yeah that poor bugger, the unknown soldier, never did have much luck!
That war and humanity's inhumanity to humanity is an ongoing madness.
What is that has been said many times "history is doomed to repeat itself" and all we poor poets can do is stave it off for a few heartbeats.
The quote at the beginning increases mystery for me. I see that calf mouthing 'verdigris' although it is not a whale. ??? The Bitch of Rome and Brittania's point (of view?) baffle me further.
The 'calf is the ab origine idol of the Middle East, verdigris not ambergris, the patine of ancient bronze, the 'Bitch of Rome' is the mother of empire, The 'quote' is not attributed as it is mine.
Jax, you are in my thoughts today as I hear warnings to residents to prepare for more, 'even worse' rain and wind in your region. The third lot of 'severe' weather within two weeks.
Severe weather? We fish with shovels *grin*
The Anglican Bishop of Newcastle got on the ABC the other day and bless him said "all you who have been praying for rain you can stop now!" It is good to hear a senior skypilot with a sense of humour *grin*
Hoof abscesses and road damage are my main worries, rampant weeds and tree falls the next, continuation of business comes an awfully close third. Lucerne hay looks as though it will double in price and halve in bale size. Ain't life grand! *smile*
Thanks Kathy and regards,
Jax
.
Posted by: JustDaniel Jul 3 07, 05:18
Well, after the others' comments and Kathy's summation, there ain't much else fer a bumpkin' ta say, 'cept that I was awed! [ I know, I often sound odd too. I'm just a very minor sky pilot with a skewed sense of humor. ]
It's been a delight to introduce myself to your writing, and though I don't always understand the depth of your references and allusions, I know that they're there for me to plumb once I figger out how!
deLightin'ly, Dan'l 
Posted by: Rosemerta Jul 5 07, 11:43
Good morning, Jax,
For a novice, such as I, this was a challenge to read the first time. I had some of the same confusion as others have expressed. But after reading through the responses and your explainations, the second read was impressive indeed. I saw much more woven between the lines and am in awe.
~~Jackie
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