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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews _ ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 _ removed

Posted by: Cyn Feb 12 09, 20:37

removed

Posted by: Arnfinn Feb 13 09, 05:23

G'day, Cyn.

Longtime since I've hade the pleasure to see your happy smiling face.

The mare appears
inconceivably long, concaved,
carrying five young riders.
The day grayed, though

it could be clear and blue-sky
bright - if not sepia toned.
It must be late autumn or early
spring, the leafless, budless branches

contorted in an unseen wind,
a stubble - corn? - beyond. The kids
grin, gap-toothed, grimy, barefoot, arranged
in ragged graduated size. But I find

I do not wonder much
about these children who must feel chilled
despite the dappled warmth beneath them.
Instead I care about the mare.

What imagery. An old photo.

Could it be a mother with some youngins?

No matter what. A wonderful poem

I'm thrilled to see you back at MM.

jOHN

Posted by: ohsteve Feb 13 09, 10:35

Cyn, first welcome back its been a long time, second this is wonderful, it reminds me of an old photograph or an old movie before sound, I empathize with the poor old nag, sway backed and having to carry five kids. I will come back to savour this like afine wine.
Steve

Posted by: Peggy Carpenter Harwood Feb 13 09, 11:18

Hi Cyn,

Do remember me? I remember you!! Nice to run into you!

I really like this beautiful image you've created!! Quaint and nostalgic!!

Peggy

Posted by: Cyn Feb 13 09, 20:35

Hi guys
Thanks for the welcome
This is a photo poem - that is we were asked to find a photo and write about it - within that the reader should be able to "see" the photo, but of course that would not be *all* the poem would contain.

Some great things can come from it. Try one. As you write it, let the photo take you where the poem will eventually go.
I would love to critique some if you do them

Posted by: vessq Feb 14 09, 15:42

Hello Cyn,

This is a good poem. I enjoyed it very much.

Love the ending. I would love to see more of your work.

Vess

Posted by: ace Feb 14 09, 18:24

Cyn:

Good stuff. I went through it a couple of times trying to find some suggestion I might make..to no avail. The picture is very clear....with maybe the exception of the title. Does it tie to line 6? The reference to "sepia'?
Think I'll try the photo bit.

ace

Posted by: Eisa Feb 14 09, 19:11

Hi there Cyn

Welcome back to MM, it's really great to see you again and read your wonderful poetry. This one is no exception and paints a vivid picture. I have only one tiny point ~

QUOTE (Cyn @ Feb 13 09, 01:37 ) [snapback]113537[/snapback]

Circa 1924

The mare appears
inconceivably long, concaved,
carrying five young riders.
The day grayed, though

This first st immediately draws the reader in - what a sight!
I love 'day grayed' - nice play with words

it could be clear and blue-sky
bright - if not sepia toned.
It must be late autumn or early
spring, the leafless, budless branches

contorted in an unseen wind,
a stubble - corn? - beyond. The kids
grin, gap-toothed, grimy, barefoot, arranged
in ragged graduated size. But I find

L2 here felt a bit awkward to me, perhaps ~
a corn stubble beyond?

I do not wonder much
about these children who must feel chilled
despite the dappled warmth beneath them.
Instead I care about the mare.

Mmm.... I think I'd be thinking just the same, Cyn

I hope this will inspire photo poems from other members.
Don't forget your statutory 2 crits for every one you post - unfortunatley I don't think you'll find any with photographs/pictures ... yet! Do you think you can post your photo here for us to see?

Great to have you back
Snow

Posted by: ohsteve Feb 14 09, 19:52

Cyn, I know I have a least one that I have written about a photo, can't remember if I posted it here, will see what I find. I know I have a lot that I have written about pictures, just don't remember if they were photos or paintings, do you think we could see the photo this was about? It might inspire someone to write a different way.
Steve

Posted by: Daniel Barlow Feb 16 09, 00:19

I admire the story of keen observations that unfold throughout this piece.
'
I suggest "I do not much wonder." in place of "wonder much.

It's a lovely poignant piece.

DB