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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews _ ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 _ Between Two

Posted by: saore Feb 9 10, 19:56

Between Two
dedicated to Jean-Clarence Lambert

- Will you return after the lunar eclipse?
- No, it reminds me too much of Ingrid Bergman in The Visit!
- Is it true, are you from another country?
- I have been known to undress in public!
- Is it the swinging from twisted forest vines?
- Why won’t you ask me about the man dying in a wheelchair?
His leg, wrapped in plastic, hides the maggots, the twilight.
- You're always blaming the paralysis on the palace!
- Go ahead insist, they’ll never forget him, he’s not invisible!
- Didn’t they forget the vigil, the crystals, Haiti?
- Why bring that up now?
- Because if your name is Illyana you end up wearing
the color of night on your skin.
- And spyglasses?
- And laboratory secrets.
- The kinds that make you beg to be from another country
and spit at the Mona Lisa.
- The country tattooed on their backs?
- Tattooed on the vernal equinox.
- When will we tear off the veils of their indecency?
- When we forgive them for being from another country
and slaughtering dolphins.
- After the lunar eclipse!
- As we end this conversation!
- Are we done?
- There is something I want you to read!
- What?
- A poem about airplane parts.
- Scattered all over the sea?

Between Two
dedicated to Jean-Clarence Lambert

A. Will you return after the lunar eclipse?
B. No, it reminds me too much of Ingrid Bergman in The Visit!
A. Is it true, are you from another country?
B. I have been known to undress in public!
A. Is it the swinging from twisted forest vines?
B. Why won’t you ask me about the man dying in a wheelchair?
His leg, wrapped in plastic, hides the maggots, the twilight.
A. You're always blaming the paralysis on the palace!
B. Go ahead insist, they’ll never forget him, he’s not invisible!
A. Didn’t they forget the vigil, the crystals, Haiti?
B. Why bring that up now?
A. Because if your name is Illyana you end up wearing
the color of night on your skin.
B. And spyglasses?
A. And laboratory secrets.
B. The kinds that make you beg to be from another country
and spit at the Mona Lisa.
A. The country tattooed on their backs?
B. Tattooed on the vernal equinox.
A. When will we tear off the veils of their indecency?
B. When we forgive them for being from another country
and slaughtering dolphins in Japan.
A. After the lunar eclipse!
B. As we end this conversation!
A. Are we done?
B. There is something I want you to read!
A. What?
B. A poem about airplane parts.
A. Scattered all over the sea?

Posted by: ohsteve Feb 10 10, 22:31

Sergio, a very interesting way of putting this out, I am not sure I care for the question answer format, but then it sort of edges over into something else. I do like the way they interlap each other with out a true answering. The whole thing sort of pulls you in and then spins you around. Now I have to go look up Jean-Clarence Lambert to see why the dedication is to him. I think I would like to try and do a parody/paraphrase of this it intrigues me. Not sure I can critique this in any depth but I know I will be back to read it again.

Steve

Posted by: saore Feb 11 10, 17:14

Thank you Steve,

I have posted an alternative to the A & B sequence. I am going to submit this poem an a few other poems to the International Poetry Festival in Medellin Colombia, that will be for next year. This year the festival is in July and I don't think I can make it. Well I hope you do come back, any suggestions are welcomed. Lambert is a famous poetry critic and translator. He translated a lot of Octavio Paz's poetry into French. There are a few prompts that are based on his philosophy of writing, which is very interesting.

Sergio

Posted by: Eisa Feb 13 10, 15:26

Hi Sergio

Personally, I prefer this without the AB's but also wonder if you really need to start each line with a dash?

Snow

Posted by: saore Feb 13 10, 17:28

I don't know what to say, except that it feels right to make the distinction between Narrators. In Latin America this kind of poem is currently been written with the A. B. structure and the dash. The dash was also popular when Lambert wrote his poems, he did not use the italics or anything else than a single line for each narrator, distinguished with a dash. I think it is just a matter of preference. More than anything else. Thank you Snow.

Sergio