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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews _ IPBC Archive _ February 2007 IBPC Nominations
Posted by: Arnfinn Jan 20 07, 05:29
Juxtapositions
Revision 19/02/07
Earth Envy
Deep, deep is that purple distrust
that hangs over the moon’s eyes,
an inviting veil in some exotic dance.
She looks out on space
alone
in her craggy emptiness,
rocky barrenness,
at that supple, wet, glorious
green and blue blossoming beauty,
so favoured in colour
by that same fearsome sun
who burns one half
and leaves the other
for the frozen wastes of space.
Moon Envy
She is beautiful tonight,
in her mottled, gilded, lace,
sewn with precision
never faltering, arc by arc
into orbit.
Serenity pares her eye
then lends it light
unfalteringly.
From bliss, what could she yearn?
This mess of extinction arbitrarily
emerging from fertile soil?
This bewildering organism?
To be locked in the ever-returning,
what bliss!
I find this poem unique in originality. A poem I read and enjoyed.
John
Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Jan 20 07, 08:57
Great nomination John! 
I've just sent a PM to Gregory and included an 'extra' sentence since this one is nominated on the last day for Feb's competition:
*If you'd like your poem to be considered for next month's competition instead (since today is the last day for nominations and acceptances), please let me know and I'll post it up for March so you'll have more time to consider and contemplate revisions.
Cheers
~Cleo 
Posted by: Arnfinn Jan 21 07, 06:26
I've just sent a PM to Gregory and included an 'extra' sentence since this one is nominated on the last day for Feb's competition:
*If you'd like your poem to be considered for next month's competition instead (since today is the last day for nominations and acceptances), please let me know and I'll post it up for March so you'll have more time to consider and contemplate revisions.
Cheers
~Cleo
Sure
No problem, Lori,
John.
Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Jan 21 07, 16:34
I haven't yet heard from Gregory just yet, so I'm going to edit this title description to 'Feb Nomination' instead for the March contest.
Posted by: AMETHYST Jan 24 07, 11:39
I would like to nominate this charming and delightful Children's rhyme because the story, although simple is written with flare and a smooth blend in inner and end rhymes. The tale helps to teach about nature's presence and the 'food chain' in subtle ways. It teaches the importance of abiding a parents requests and reminds us of the dangers we cannot see but rules have their reasons. It is surely enjoyed by both parent and child- I don't know if IBPC put value on Childrens' poetry, but the world needs a little bit more of it! 
A little lemon hopper went
out foraging alone,
but disobeyed his mother by
meandering from home.
When Mummy Locust noticed him,
it was a great relief
to find him sitting in the grass
and nibbling on a leaf.
A hungry gecko scurried by
intent on grabbing lunch,
“Watch out!” his mummy called aloud,
then heard a splitting crunch.
Her son was in the lizard’s mouth
legs wriggling all about;
the gecko didn’t swallow him
but gave a croaky shout.
It spat him out and scampered off
-- a snake had slithered near
that hissed at little hopper who
began to shake with fear.
“Come quick” his mother shouted, as
they jumped into a tree,
where mummy saw the lizard must
have munched poor hopper’s knee --
The snake’s arrival saved him from
the hungry lizard’s tummy,
but Hopper’s learned his lesson well
and listens to his mummy.
Posted by: Eisa Jan 24 07, 19:36
Thanks Liz! -- if this gets chosen for IBPC, it will be interesting to see what they make of it! LOL!!
I really enjoyed writing this one
Snow 
Posted by: Gregory Jan 25 07, 09:30
John, thanks a million for the nom, i owe you a critique! Cheers,Gregory
Posted by: AMETHYST Jan 25 07, 17:39
No thankies necessary - the poem demands good praise! :)
Hugs, Liz
(And the poet too) LOL
Posted by: Arnfinn Feb 1 07, 04:33
Ha, I'ts worthwhile for the wait.
My opinion, (of course), if you get to IBPC, your original style will count in the finish.
All the best mate.
John
Posted by: Arnfinn Feb 1 07, 04:38
Whooo, this is cute. Yeah, a good childrens poem. I can imagine the child/children squealing with glee at the last verse.
*big smiles*
John
Posted by: AMETHYST Feb 1 07, 09:19
I would like to nominate this poem for the cleverness in subject, handled with a very firm, steady rhythm, that executes such poetic devices to add variety to the flow of the poem. I felt the humor and excellent in technique really makes this a worthy and most enjoyable poem.
By Ron Jones
In candlelight the world seems right
and romance rules the day.
He'll strum the lute before he'll shoot,
ole Cupid has his way.
I wonder why so many sigh,
their love was just a phase?
Does Cupid care if love is there?
Does he deserve our praise?
Let's use our brain and now explain,
it's simply Cupid's sight.
In shadows dim, we can't blame him,
in flick'ring candlelight.
He'll raise his bow and draw it slow.
His aim in darkness drifts.
His arrow darts, its aim departs,
Delivers not its gifts.
It may be true that love's blind, too,
but Cupid takes the cake.
Now we got through and our love grew,
though arrow wounds still ache.
Posted by: AMETHYST Feb 3 07, 09:42
I would like to nominate The Odyssey Imps, By Cathy located in Herme's Critique forum. The poem, there is innocence weaved into the lines and images. The poet uses very strong poetic devices, such as sound techinques to add pleasure to the sounds, which compliment the very enchanting and imaginative descriptions of the poem. The story, though more fairy tale like, is both pleasurable to the readers mind, allowing the reader to soar with the dragon and to imagine such worlds, while also, contemplating the associations of our world as we know and what we might be over looking before flights of dreams take us to other dimensions. THe poet used a wide array of new and freshly used word, allowing the images to steer clear of any cliche' or repetitive notions.
A somnolent sun will slip to earth, winds whispering good-night
while dragons wake with prankish whims for playful pillow fights.
Pearlescent gems dot ebon skies and tiddly-wink hello
as mystic music stirs the clouds in toe-tips to and fro.
The night is clear and gentle breaths will grace a chalice moon
with dragon voice in twilight song in harmonizing tune.
They drift around the galaxy in rainbow-ribboned streams
bestirring fun-filled fantasies from Dippers full of dreams.
Their frolicking will take them to the edge where earth meets sky
in saturated color streaked with light to catch the eye.
Wee pixies pas to grab the tail of savvy shooting stars
in hopes of dusting highlights to the green of planet Mars.
Across the night starific sights make orbital debut,
they carousel till heavens gel with blush of scarlet hue.
Soft morning light illumines paths through star-struck Milky Ways
and imps succumb to Sandman's itch from warming sunlight rays.
Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Jan 30, 07
Posted by: AMETHYST Feb 3 07, 10:01
I'd liketo nominate Melodies of Life by Snow.
When soothing cradle songs imbue the earth
rain falls to suckle flora, creatures rouse
from dormancy, then couple to give birth,
while spring delivers buds to pregnant boughs.
The fields revive with buttercup bouquets
as blue-birds fly to lands of lullabies
across the rain-bowed sky. My mama sways
me in her arms while singing hush-a-bye.
Soon adolescence shouts its bold refrains
when greenery grows vigorous and new.
My life matures, sap flowing through young veins
while music blasts a too loud youth debut.
So summer’s jazz and rock play stronger sounds
as hormones surge through blood and love transpires.
A blaze of colours swells as earth abounds
with energetic zest for life’s desires.
When pace of autumn dawdles, I repose ...
observe as shades transform to rusty blends.
This slower tempo lulls me ‘til I doze
as desiccating foliage descends.
Now time erodes my life; I feel dismay.
My changing look precipitates those fears.
When blossoms fade, they wrinkle and decay
my summer’s flush declines then disappears.
I hear with strains the winter’s chilled advance
and feel ambivalent of distant days.
When snowflakes drift, their softness will enhance
the stark reality of life’s malaise.
Will mist surround my mind's befuddled dreams,
purloin my dignity when time seems false?
As cold entices sleep, the sun will gleam
once more for me to dance, that final waltz.
When Winter exits with a funeral dirge,
once dormant life bestirs, becoming rife.
Sustaining showers fall as shrubs emerge,
in rhythm with the melodies of life.
Posted by: Cathy Feb 7 07, 08:49
Poem Title: The Odyssey Imps
Author: Cathy Bollhoefer
Author's email address: larrysgirl5548@aol.com
1. Are you the original author of this poem? Yes
2. Has this poem ever been published? No
3. Has this poem been nominated by any other participating board (of IBPC)? No
4. Has this poem been reviewed as "best and final" to assure the latest revision is judged? Yes
5. Is your email address on file up to date (what is it)? Yes
6. Do you accept the nomination to submit the work (if selected to represent MM)? Yes
7. If yes to above question, what is your real name? Cathy Bollhoefer
Posted by: Cathy Feb 7 07, 08:56
Very uniquely done with beautiful imagery! I've enjoyed reading it~
Good luck in the competition!
Cathy
Posted by: Cathy Feb 7 07, 09:01
Hi Snow,
This is such a fun way to teach young children to listen to their parents. The rhythm and rhyme are natural and pleasant making it fun to read.
Good luck with the competition!
Cathy
Posted by: Cathy Feb 7 07, 09:05
Hi Ron,
This is a lovely poem for this time of year! Your word choice and the imagery is great~
Good luck in the upcoming competition~
Cathy
Posted by: Cathy Feb 7 07, 09:23
Hi Snow,
I think of all your poems this is one of my favorites! I like the connection you make between nature and life... the change of seasons and the changes in life. It all works so perfectly together.
Good luck with the competition!
Cathy
Posted by: Eisa Feb 8 07, 05:57
I think of all your poems this is one of my favorites! I like the connection you make between nature and life... the change of seasons and the changes in life. It all works so perfectly together.
Good luck with the competition!
Cathy
Thank you Cathy. This is one of my favourites too.
Snow
Posted by: AMETHYST Feb 8 07, 18:19
I would like to nominate this poem by Pysche, although it was posted several months ago, it is now up to top of forum for critique and is still being revised. I enjoyed reading this poem, both to myself and aloud. The sounds were soft and pleasant, while the images brought the story to life for me.
The Sign
When I was young at heart and full of play,
while skipping by the lake, I saw the swan,
and softly dreamt of magic nights to come:
love would blossom, we'd have found our way!
Most youngsters shrug off instants of sad fate,
chuckle at signs, enjoyment brash and true;
I missed the precious lane that led to you,
and fancied pilgrim love would ever wait.
Lying down beside the deep violet lake,
I trace a broken heart with starry dew
on heavens … in a trance, my hopes renew,
I drift, enchanted, in my white swan's wake.
Yet sylphine chants inform my soul anew
that faith will not reverse this lonesome state.
Posted by: jgdittier Feb 9 07, 15:50
By Ron Jones
In candlelight the world seems right
and romance rules the day.
He'll strum the lute before he'll shoot,
ole Cupid has his way.
I wonder why so many sigh,
their love was just a phase?
Does Cupid care if love is there?
Does he deserve our praise?
Let's use our brain and now explain,
it's simply Cupid's sight.
In shadows dim, we can't blame him,
in flick'ring candlelight.
He'll raise his bow and draw it slow.
His aim in darkness drifts.
His arrow darts, its aim departs,
Delivers not its gifts.
It may be true that love's blind, too,
but Cupid takes the cake.
Now we got through and our love grew,
though arrow wounds still ache.
Dear Amethyst,
I've not mastered IM so I'm answering here.
1-I am the original author.
2-The poem has not been published
3-There have been no other nominations of this poem.
4-The text above is the latest revision.
5-My email address is rbjones02@optonline.net
6-I accept the nomination as tendered.
7-My real name is Ronald B.L.Jones
I thank all involved. (This is the first time I saw this.)
Posted by: AMETHYST Feb 9 07, 19:20
Woooo Hoooooo ! Yippee... Thanks Ron, I will note this in our Permissions Log! Thank you and Good Luck!
Posted by: AMETHYST Feb 11 07, 15:55
I would like to nominate this poem for the depth of information given to readers, while presenting a poetically talented and skilled poem.
"...the Arts transcend limited social boundaries like class, race, and nationality."
– Turiyasangitananda (a.k.a. Alice Coltrane, in memorandum)
Tuned to the burning stars within our cosmos,
she touched the harp, releasing
souvenirs plucked like musical notes
from collections of journeys beyond her inner ear.
How can I chart the depth of dripping candles,
that measure the spiral shadows of a staircase
or calculate the dimensions of a black hole
that fills the space between ivory keys?
She drew a line from her legacy
to the cluster of Pleaides--seven sisters
intertwined in her delicate hands,
yet independent like the sturdy legs
under her grand piano, when she played
bop that transfigured the teardrops of Shiva
into falling grains of sand.
Encircled in fire, He also beat the celestial drum
for her lover, who rose through divinity
around the cleansing scirocco of tenor saxophone,
into the mythology of jazz.
Posted by: azurepoetry Feb 12 07, 00:40
Hello Gregory and All,
Gregory, congratuations on your nomination to the IBPC. Your offering of "two sides to every coin" is (as John mentions) very fresh in style and POV. Good luck.
To the staff (perhaps Arnfinn/John): i think the title transferred over is misspelled. The original is titled Juxtaposition, this one is Justapostion. Also, in L1 of the last stanza of "Moon Envy" there is a misspelling of 'disorganisation'. This copy has a 'c' in it. Just thought you should know, in case this one goes onto the judging.
~tim/azurepoetry
Posted by: Eisa Feb 12 07, 04:44
Gregory, congratuations on your nomination to the IBPC. Your offering of "two sides to every coin" is (as John mentions) very fresh in style and POV. Good luck.
To the staff (perhaps Arnfinn/John): i think the title transferred over is misspelled. The original is titled Juxtaposition, this one is Justapostion. Also, in L1 of the last stanza of "Moon Envy" there is a misspelling of 'disorganisation'. This copy has a 'c' in it. Just thought you should know, in case this one goes onto the judging.
~tim/azurepoetry
Hi Tim
It' good to see you and to have your keen eye spot those errors. I have amended them and will notify Gregory that I have done so.
Thanks Tim
Snow
Posted by: AMETHYST Feb 18 07, 22:53
I would like to nominate this for it's creative twist and the use of pleasant sounds, smooth and unintrusive meter-this is both a cleaver story, and well crafted piece of poetry. This poem is presently posted and up for revision located in Herme's, Updates of any revisions will be made as they occur.
Within the compass of his home
beneath a hemispheric dome
of clear perspex, upon a tray
were cheese and crackers on display
Gloss magazines could not have shown
them better; wine from Côtes du Rhone
was on his bar, there too a map,
casually placed, all meant to trap
And this, more artifice than art
had purpose, to capture a heart
of virgin white, one still quite pure
if she would bite, accept his lure
How fortune frowns upon the sly
the lass, while on her way, had spied
some ripe blackberries, pricked her thumb
so crying, she'd run home to Mum
Alan McAlpine Douglas
Posted by: AMETHYST Feb 20 07, 22:56
I would like to nominate this poem for the dramatic tone, the striking imagery and metaphor, the well laid out inferences--and the fullness of subject. As the poem ends, I left feeling as though I experienced something-and it tingled inside, as if I was inspired. A really good read.
You woke today to an ache
you thought was spent, that season
already mourned and put aside,
flushed away like pink-tinged tissue.
It’s a late-March snow in February, far
too early to be so transient, yet
its whitewash is not unwelcome to the grime
of the fading season. Even now
as wasps tumble out of the woodwork, stumble
drunkenly, useless, on stone gray floors, winter begins
its end, always before you are ready, always
before your mind has softened
to the idea. You hold on too long,
as if letting go will lose…what?
That anticipation of the clean and cold, the muffled
and muffed, safely layered in wool and white?
Or the lightness that comes with snow?
It’s not that you dread the beginning
of the new, but the ending
of the old. How you lighten your step
when the earth is young, green rising,
despair the petals' fade.
Yet you bask in the heat of it, relish the taste
of salt, miss the sweat of it
in coming shadows. How you whistle
so you can see your breath
in the first frosty days of fall, and grieve
that last leaf’s bright tumble.
Posted by: Cyn Feb 20 07, 23:24
No fair! I planned to nominate this before I knew you nominated mine.
I am nominating this because of the layers in it, (you are a 911 op aren't you?) and because his poem really does a wonderful job personifying something as common as a telephone wire. We pass them daily with barely a thought. I will think about them now each time I pass because of this fine piece
On the Wire
I appear a threadbare crack
against an ashen sky,
unnoticed,
if not for the winds
that sway me.
Society confabulates
a chaotic void
through my cylindrical sphere;
easily dismissing
my existence,
until God's breath
breaks me.
Steadfast, I endure,
second by second, uniting
family to distant family,
closing the miles
into a hair's-breadth,
connecting conversations,
creating friends from strangers.
I'm privy to their private notions,
entrusted to carry off dirty confessions;
dark and sate of passion, sacred
truths, and unholy lies.
It is lonely listening to chatter,
in all their apathy--they hunger
for consolation; I bring solace
in a single ring.
I am a conduit of universal need,
funneling energy of an over extended perseity-
a conducer of their lives --
and yet, it is the birds, perched
along my fibers that contemplate me.
As sparrows rest and blue jays sing,
"Tek, Tek" an ebon crow calls,
inviting human-kind
to pay homage to my silent prominence.
Posted by: AMETHYST Feb 21 07, 00:35
Cyn, All's fair in poetry and competitions! 
Thank you for the kind words and the nomination!
Permission notification Replied to and granted!
Posted by: Eisa Feb 21 07, 05:27
I just came to nominate this and found it already has been -- so I second it!
Snow
Posted by: Eisa Feb 21 07, 05:28
I second this with applause!
Snow
Posted by: Psyche Feb 21 07, 11:04
Gee, thank you, Liz! I was helped a lot by my MM friends with this one! Then I added the last two lines and converted it into a sonnet thanks to Merlin's suggestion...
Wow...I'm SO pleased!
Hugs to both you and Cleo,
Sylvia *** 
Posted by: AMETHYST Feb 21 07, 12:47
You and Me Snow think a lot a like and have much of the same tastes in poetry (both R&M and FV) Hugs, Liz ... We'll just make this a joint Nomination... 
Posted by: Peterpan Feb 22 07, 02:59
Snow! :)
I knew you had written this without seeing the poet's name!
It is lovely.
PP
Posted by: AMETHYST Feb 27 07, 00:31
Thank you Snow... I don't think Cyn would mind being a co-nominator! :) Big smiles and thank you for the support!
Hugs, Liz
Posted by: AMETHYST Mar 1 07, 07:40
Congratulations Tim ...
and good luck in the upcoming IBPC Competitions! Hugs, Liz
Posted by: AMETHYST Mar 1 07, 07:44
Congratulations, Cyn
and good luck in the IBPC Competition! Best Wishes and hugs, Liz
Posted by: azurepoetry Mar 1 07, 10:01
Congratuations Liz,
Well done. Good luck in IBPC!!
~tim
Posted by: azurepoetry Mar 1 07, 10:02
Well Cyn,
Congratuations. Good luck to you with this fine piece in IBPC.
~tim
Posted by: azurepoetry Mar 1 07, 10:36
Hello All,
i am sending a message to Cleo as well, but just in case, here is my updated revision attempting to address some of the obscure portions that Cyn so aptly pointed out:
Tuned to the burning stars within our cosmos,
she touched the harp, releasing
souvenirs plucked like musical notes
from collections of journeys beyond her inner ear.
How can I chart the depth of dripping candles,
that measure the spiral shadows of a staircase
or calculate the dimensions of a black hole
that fills the space between ivory keys?
She drew a line from her legacy
to the cluster of Pleaides--seven sisters
intertwined in her delicate hands,
yet independent like the sturdy legs
under her grand piano, when she played
bop that transfigured the teardrops of Shiva
into falling grains of sand.
Encircled in fire, He also beat the celestial drum
for her lover, who rose through divinity
around the cleansing scirocco of tenor saxophone,
into the mythology of jazz.
Again, please keep the epigraph attached to this and all is ready for IBPC.
Many thank yous for this chance to represent this fine poetry website.
~tim/azurepoetry
Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Mar 1 07, 12:39
Thanks Tim and good luck with this poem in the comp!
Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Mar 1 07, 12:45
Congrats Cyn! 
Best of luck with this poem in the comp!
~Cleo
Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Mar 1 07, 12:45
Congrats Liz! :partfavor:
Best of luck in the comp!
~Cleo
Posted by: AMETHYST Mar 1 07, 13:18
Thank You Tim and Lori - I wish MM a good run this month in the competitions, we've got some great poetry representing us... Between Cyn's Climacteric and Tim's Transendence into Alice's House, we've got excellence on our side!
Hugs, Liz
Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Mar 2 07, 06:13
CONGRATS Gregory - Cyn has asked that your poem represent MM in the March comp in place of hers.
Cheers
~Cleo 
Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Mar 2 07, 06:14
Cyn has requested that her poem be withdrawn as a finalist in this March comp - this poem was also nominated by a sister board participant and will be represented there instead.
Best of luck!
~Cleo
Posted by: AMETHYST Mar 2 07, 10:59
Congratulations Greg, Good Luck in the Competition! Best Wishes, Liz
Posted by: azurepoetry Mar 2 07, 15:56
Gregory,
Yes, good luck to you sir. Hopefully one of us can bring back some sort of award ***fingers crossed***
~tim
Posted by: Cyn Mar 2 07, 19:07
Best of luck to all of you! Hopefully I will "see" you there!
Posted by: Cyn Mar 2 07, 19:10
I am proud of the three poems that are going to represent MM. Hope to "see" you there.
Posted by: Cyn Mar 2 07, 19:11
go get 'em Tim!
Posted by: azurepoetry Mar 3 07, 10:45
Thanks Cyn,
Good luck to you, too!
~tim
Posted by: Gregory Mar 6 07, 08:23
Dear folks at MM, staff and all, I am blown away. Especially by Cyn, thank you for the compliment. I haven't time to reply to all the above but I am grateful to you all for putting this in the line of competitive fire. I hope the corrections to this poem are satisfactory, I don't know if it is too late to make any others. I hope my poem will do well, it would be nice. I will look in this week a bit more for any news. Cheers and a big thank you, kisses for Cyn. Gregory
Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Mar 6 07, 10:11
Hi Gregory. 
I submitted your poem based on the Feb 19th revisions as it had to be in by March 3rd.
Best of luck!
~Cleo
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