Windy Bill (metrical revision)
Windy Bill was a cowboy from Butte
who so dearly loved beans and his flute.
After chow he would blow
from his head to his toe.
Such a gassy old flute-tooting coot!
Peggy Carpenter Harwood
Windy Bill (Original)
Windy Bill was a cowboy from Butte
who dearly loved beans and his flute.
After chow he would blow
from his head to his toe,
that gassy old flute-tooting coot!
Peggy Carpenter Harwood
Peggy, Wonderful ROFLMAO... this is my smile for today...
Hi Steve,
I'm so glad you liked it!!!!
Peggy
Peggy:
Like Steve...love it.
Naturally two small nits:
Would second line scan better as "who loves his beans and his flute"; your line seems to have one too many syllables.
Line 4..."toe" will rhyme better and doesn't change the sense.
The last line is absolutely perfect.
ace
Hi Ace,
Thank you so very much for reading and commenting!!! I'm glad you really like the last line!! I really like that one very much too.
As for line 2, it is eight syllables long and should be nine syllables, so I'm leaving it as it is. As for dropping the "s" in "toes," I think you have a good idea there, so I'm going to take your suggestion. Thank you!!
Again, thanks for reading and commenting!!! Much appreciated!!!
Peggy
G'day Peg
Whoooeeee. He He.
Got a good belly laugh outa this one Peg.
Boom Boom.
Regards,
John
Hi John,
Ha! So glad you enjoyed it!!! Thanks for the appreciative words!!
Peggy
HAHAHA....Peggy!!!! Great limerick, this one. Do bring on some more, please.
Hugs, Syl***
PS: BTW, L2 also makes me stumble slightly, tho' it may not be important.
How about: "who loved brown beans and his flute"? TorT...!!!
Hi Syl,
I'm so glad you like it!! I often find it difficult to be a bit risque without being downright vulgar and still be funny at the same time, but I was pretty happy with how this turned out.
Yes, I think the line gives a slight stumble too, but the line was already one syllable short, so I can't substitute "brown," a one syllable word, for "dearly," a two syllable word. If I did I'd be two syllables short of nine syllables. I'll think on a substitute for a while.
Again, thanks so much for reading and commenting!! I always appreciate your great feedback!!
Peggy
Peggy,
This is a well-crafted limerick. I've enjoyed it.
Mark
Ha ha ha Peggy!
I think I might have one solution for your metrical issues - please see below...
Windy Bill was a cowboy from Butte
who so dearly loved beans and his flute.
After chow he would blow
from his head to his toe,
such a that gassy old flute-tooting coot!
Enjoyed!
~Cleo
Hi Peggy~
Do you see how you get all the males going!!!! :) In life we have to smile.
Enjoyed it
Bev
Hi folks,
I'm sorry I am so late responding and revising!! Thanks for the suggestions and observations!!! They are much appreciated!!!!
Peggy
Peggy
YAY Peggy!
I think this is it - the rhythms are smooth!
~Cleo
Hi Cleo,
Thanks so much for your help!!!!
Peggy
Hello Peggy,
Verrrrry funny. I love a good limerick and this one was a "hoot".
I thought of another last line which you might think funny. It is not a crit because yours is perfect. Just something that came to mind:
"as green clouds emanate from his boot."
Larry
Hi Larry,
Haaaaaaaaaa!!!!!! You're good at these!!!!
Why not write one too?
Peggy
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