G'day Ace,
Haiku, the poet writes about a moment that defines some emotion, and the poem pulls the reader into that moment.
Quote: Lonnie Hull Dupont.
Well, your poem certainly does that
White clouds stripe the sky
as a jet skies beneath them,
heading o'er mountains.
A vivid picture.
Excellent.
John
Thank you, John. They are fun to write aren't they.
This one was sorta double fun since it was composed in my backyard while sky watching.
ace
Hi Ace,
Isn't it fun to watch nature? I love it myself!
I can't say that I understand Haiku enough to be useful, however, I thought I'd toss out an idea to add that 'nature' element I believe it needs:
dusting (or painting) snow-capped hills.
Or something along those lines (or for Spring maybe something about peeping blossoms)?
Enjoyed!
~Cleo
Cleo:
Thank you for the read and the comment. I agree the third line isn't th best. I'm thinking of making it "shussing snow-capped hills."
ace
Hi Ace,
Nah, I don't think 'shussing' sounds right.
I'll have to give it some thought.
John
Hi Ace,
Not sure about 'shushing' - how about 'skimming' snow-capped hills?
~Cleo
John and Cleo:
You know what? I think I'll take a new course in spelling and typing before writing more stuff.
I meant the third line to read:
"Schussin snow swept peaks."
I wanted to tie into the ski image, so the German word "schussin" seems appropriate and alliterative. Cleo I suppose this lies somewhere between a haikuand a senyru.
Thanks again to both of you for your help.
ace
Very nice Ace!
I think it is a haiku since you make reference now to "winter" with snow.
Lovely!
~Cleo
Hi ace,
This is indeed a lovely Haiku. But I confess to not knowing what you mean by 'Schussin'. Or have I missed something?
Syl***
Syl:
Have to admit my ignorance...don't know how much skiing you have in Argentina. Anyway. the word "schussin'" comes from the German word : "to shoot" and in skiing here it means "shooting down hill on skis." Thanks again for the interest.
ace
G'day Ross,
Dunno, about in mixing different laguages in haiku.
Haiku's, tend to have a sense of mystery coupled with a purity of language.
For instance you wouldn't find any French words in a Japanese haiku.
It may be an idea to stick to English.
Regards,
John
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