Back in 1972 I had been dating Sharon for six months when I asked her to marry me. Being in the military at the time, I had to get my Commander's permission to get married to what the US classed as a foreign national. On top, of that the minister told me I had to be baptized in her religion and we had to get a special marriage certificate because I was a foreign citizen to England.
I went to my Commander and asked him for permission, he said "no--it was only puppy love and I would get over it.” Well, that didn’t sit too well with me and I told him where he could stick his permission. I was discharged three months early from the Air Force.
I went home, got my passport, borrowed two thousand dollars from my dad, went back to England, and we were married on the seventeenth of February. I never did have to get baptized.
Shortly thereafter, I was at the base visiting with some friends, when I saw my old Commander walking out the gate, I called him by name and hollered out “I got married anyway” calling him a rude name and giving him the one finger salute with my right hand and the two finger English salute with my left, both meaning the same thing. I felt much better after that.
We soon had to battle the people at the embassy to get her a permanent visa but we prevailed and now after thirty two years and three kids and a grand child I still am amazed at the "puppy love."
Full Version: Wedding Bell Blues
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Prose Forums > Short Stories & Chapters for Critique -> Stonehenge
Hi Steve,
I love this tale of determination and "one in the eye" for that commander
A touching romance
A few suggestions (mostly little things - sorry about the amount of erd ink - hope it's not too alarming): as always, YOUR story, so use of toss suggestions as feels right for YOU.
{loose} [add] comment
First off, while this works well as a single para - almost like a memory unrolling - I think that if it were to be part of a longer piece the solidity of the text might be a little daunting to a reader. If you break it into paragraphs it will appear easier to follow.
Back in 1972 I had been dating my now wife for about six months when I asked her to marry me.
I wonder if this would be more of a story if you don't admit up front you married and are still thus?
So perhaps:
I had been dating [her first name] for six months [loose the 'about' - tis unnecessary complexity] when I asked her to marry me.
Being in the military at the time, I had to get my commander[apostrophe for the possessive]s permission to {get married}[marry] to a foreign national. On top of that[comma] the minister told me I had to be baptized in her religion and we had to get a special marriage certificate{ because I was a foreign citizen}you've already said "because you were foreign".
[para break]
I went to my commander and asked him for permission, he told me no said it was “puppy love and I would get over it.”
This is a bit confusing to the eye because you have given some of the reported speech ('puppy love ...' ) speech marks, but not the 'no'.
suggestion:
When I asked my commander (should that be a capital C?) for permission he said, "No - it's just puppy love. You'll get over it."
[para break]
Well[comma] that didn’t sit to[o] well with me[comma] and I told him where he could stick his permission. I was discharge{s}[d] three months early from the Air Force. I went home[comma] got my passport, borrowed two thousand dollars from my dad, {and}suggest you leave "and" to the very last bit of the sentance went back to England{,} [and] we were married on the seventeenth of February. I never did have to get baptized.
[para break]
Shortly there{ }after[comma] I was at the base[comma] visiting with some friends[comma] when I saw {the}[my]make it more personal, LOL old commander walking out the gate{,}[.] {I called him by name and hollered out} “I got married anyway” [I shouted,]calling him a rude name and giving him the one finger salute with my right hand and the two finger English salute with my left, both meaning the same thing. I felt much better after that{,}[.]
[para break]
{w}[W]e {soon} had to battle the people at the embassy to get her a permanent visa but we prevailed[.] {and n}[N]ow[comma] after thirty[hyphen] two years[comma] {and} three kids and a grand child[comma] I still am amazed at the “puppy love”.
I'd suggest itallics for the last "puppy love" to smooth that ending.
Interestingly, the one finger and two finger "salute" have quite different meanings from what I've heard. The one-finger is quite straightforward (ahem) but the English two-fingers apparently arose when English long bow archers were pitted against the French. If the French caught any Brits they would remove those two fingers, so that the archer could no longer draw his bow. Thus by displaying two fingers the archers were teasing the French - saying "you haven't caught me yet". So not as obscene as one might think!
Thus (incorporating suggestions):
I had been dating [name] for six months when I asked her to marry me. Being in the military at the time, I had to get my Commander's permission to marry a foreign national. On top of that, the minister told me I had to be baptized in her religion and we had to get a special marriage certificate.
When I asked my Commander for permission he said, "No - it's just puppy love. You'll get over it." Well that didn’t sit too well with me and I told him where he could stick his permission.
I was discharged three months early from the Air Force. I went home, got my passport, borrowed two thousand dollars from my dad, went back to England and we were married on the seventeenth of February. I never did have to get baptized.
Shortly thereafter, I was at the base visiting with some friends, when I saw my old Commander walking out the gate. “I got married anyway,” I shouted, calling him a rude name and giving him the one finger salute with my right hand and the two finger English salute with my left, both meaning the same thing. I felt much better after that.
We had to battle the people at the embassy to get her a permanent visa, but we prevailed and now, after thirty-two years, three kids and a grand child, I still am amazed at the puppy love.
Fran
I love this tale of determination and "one in the eye" for that commander
A touching romance
A few suggestions (mostly little things - sorry about the amount of erd ink - hope it's not too alarming): as always, YOUR story, so use of toss suggestions as feels right for YOU.
{loose} [add] comment
First off, while this works well as a single para - almost like a memory unrolling - I think that if it were to be part of a longer piece the solidity of the text might be a little daunting to a reader. If you break it into paragraphs it will appear easier to follow.
Back in 1972 I had been dating my now wife for about six months when I asked her to marry me.
I wonder if this would be more of a story if you don't admit up front you married and are still thus?
So perhaps:
I had been dating [her first name] for six months [loose the 'about' - tis unnecessary complexity] when I asked her to marry me.
Being in the military at the time, I had to get my commander[apostrophe for the possessive]s permission to {get married}[marry] to a foreign national. On top of that[comma] the minister told me I had to be baptized in her religion and we had to get a special marriage certificate{ because I was a foreign citizen}you've already said "because you were foreign".
[para break]
I went to my commander and asked him for permission, he told me no said it was “puppy love and I would get over it.”
This is a bit confusing to the eye because you have given some of the reported speech ('puppy love ...' ) speech marks, but not the 'no'.
suggestion:
When I asked my commander (should that be a capital C?) for permission he said, "No - it's just puppy love. You'll get over it."
[para break]
Well[comma] that didn’t sit to[o] well with me[comma] and I told him where he could stick his permission.
I was discharge{s}[d] three months early from the Air Force. I went home[comma] got my passport, borrowed two thousand dollars from my dad, {and}suggest you leave "and" to the very last bit of the sentance went back to England{,} [and] we were married on the seventeenth of February. I never did have to get baptized. [para break]
Shortly there{ }after[comma] I was at the base[comma] visiting with some friends[comma] when I saw {the}[my]make it more personal, LOL old commander walking out the gate{,}[.] {I called him by name and hollered out} “I got married anyway” [I shouted,]calling him a rude name and giving him the one finger salute with my right hand and the two finger English salute with my left, both meaning the same thing. I felt much better after that{,}[.]
[para break]
{w}[W]e {soon} had to battle the people at the embassy to get her a permanent visa but we prevailed[.] {and n}[N]ow[comma] after thirty[hyphen] two years[comma] {and} three kids and a grand child[comma] I still am amazed at the “puppy love”.
I'd suggest itallics for the last "puppy love" to smooth that ending.
Interestingly, the one finger and two finger "salute" have quite different meanings from what I've heard. The one-finger is quite straightforward (ahem) but the English two-fingers apparently arose when English long bow archers were pitted against the French. If the French caught any Brits they would remove those two fingers, so that the archer could no longer draw his bow. Thus by displaying two fingers the archers were teasing the French - saying "you haven't caught me yet". So not as obscene as one might think!
Thus (incorporating suggestions):
I had been dating [name] for six months when I asked her to marry me. Being in the military at the time, I had to get my Commander's permission to marry a foreign national. On top of that, the minister told me I had to be baptized in her religion and we had to get a special marriage certificate.
When I asked my Commander for permission he said, "No - it's just puppy love. You'll get over it." Well that didn’t sit too well with me and I told him where he could stick his permission.
I was discharged three months early from the Air Force. I went home, got my passport, borrowed two thousand dollars from my dad, went back to England and we were married on the seventeenth of February. I never did have to get baptized.
Shortly thereafter, I was at the base visiting with some friends, when I saw my old Commander walking out the gate. “I got married anyway,” I shouted, calling him a rude name and giving him the one finger salute with my right hand and the two finger English salute with my left, both meaning the same thing. I felt much better after that.
We had to battle the people at the embassy to get her a permanent visa, but we prevailed and now, after thirty-two years, three kids and a grand child, I still am amazed at the puppy love.
Fran
Hi Steve,
I'm so glad that you got to 'salute' your commander again! LOL
Back in 1972 I had been dating {my now wife}(I would use her name instead) for {about}(not necessary) six months when I {asked her to marry me}[proposed]. Being in the military {at the time}(I don't think this necessary either), I had to get my commander[']s permission to {get married to}[marry] a foreign national. On top of that the minister told me I had to be baptized in her religion and we had to get a special marriage certificate because I was a foreign citizen. (New paragraph) I went to my commander and asked {him} for permission, he {told me no said}[said "No, it['s] {was “}[']puppy love['] and {I would}[you'll]] get over it.” Well[,] that didn’t sit to[o] well with me and I told him where he could stick his permission. (New paragraph) I was discharge[d]{s} three months early from the Air Force. I went home[,] got my passport, borrowed two thousand dollars from my dad, and went back to England[.]{,} [W]e were married on the seventeenth of February. I never did have to get baptized. Shortly there after I was at the base visiting with some friends when I saw the old commander walking out the gate[.], I [waved]{called him by name and hollered out} “I got married anyway” call[ed]{ing} him a rude name[,] {and giving}[gave] him the one finger salute with my right hand and the two finger English salute with my left, both meaning the same thing. I felt much better after that[.]{,} [W]e {soon} had to battle the people at the embassy to get her a permanent visa but we prevailed and now after thirty two years[,] {and} three kids and a grand child I still am amazed at the [b](“puppy love”) I would use italics here.
Back in 1972 I had been dating (name) for six months when I proposed. Being in the military, I had to get my commanders permission to marry a foreign national. On top of that the minister told me I had to be baptized in her religion and we had to get a special marriage certificate because I was a foreign citizen.
I went to my commander and asked for permission. He said, "No, it's 'puppy love' and you'll get over it.” Well, that didn’t sit too well with me and I told him where he could stick his permission.
I was discharged three months early from the Air Force. I went home, got my passport, borrowed two thousand dollars from my dad, and went back to England. We were married on the seventeenth of February. I never did have to get baptized.
Shortly there after I was at the base visiting with some friends when I saw the old commander walking out the gate, I waved, “I got married anyway” called him a rude name, gave him the one finger salute with my right hand and the two finger English salute with my left, both meaning the same thing. I felt much better after that. We had to battle the people at the embassy to get her a permanent visa but we prevailed and now after thirty two years, three kids and a grand child I still am amazed at the “puppy love”.
Use or lose as you see fit! And congratulations! *smiles*
Cathy
I'm so glad that you got to 'salute' your commander again! LOL
Back in 1972 I had been dating {my now wife}(I would use her name instead) for {about}(not necessary) six months when I {asked her to marry me}[proposed]. Being in the military {at the time}(I don't think this necessary either), I had to get my commander[']s permission to {get married to}[marry] a foreign national. On top of that the minister told me I had to be baptized in her religion and we had to get a special marriage certificate because I was a foreign citizen. (New paragraph) I went to my commander and asked {him} for permission, he {told me no said}[said "No, it['s] {was “}[']puppy love['] and {I would}[you'll]] get over it.” Well[,] that didn’t sit to[o] well with me and I told him where he could stick his permission. (New paragraph) I was discharge[d]{s} three months early from the Air Force. I went home[,] got my passport, borrowed two thousand dollars from my dad, and went back to England[.]{,} [W]e were married on the seventeenth of February. I never did have to get baptized. Shortly there after I was at the base visiting with some friends when I saw the old commander walking out the gate[.], I [waved]{called him by name and hollered out} “I got married anyway” call[ed]{ing} him a rude name[,] {and giving}[gave] him the one finger salute with my right hand and the two finger English salute with my left, both meaning the same thing. I felt much better after that[.]{,} [W]e {soon} had to battle the people at the embassy to get her a permanent visa but we prevailed and now after thirty two years[,] {and} three kids and a grand child I still am amazed at the [b](“puppy love”) I would use italics here.
Back in 1972 I had been dating (name) for six months when I proposed. Being in the military, I had to get my commanders permission to marry a foreign national. On top of that the minister told me I had to be baptized in her religion and we had to get a special marriage certificate because I was a foreign citizen.
I went to my commander and asked for permission. He said, "No, it's 'puppy love' and you'll get over it.” Well, that didn’t sit too well with me and I told him where he could stick his permission.
I was discharged three months early from the Air Force. I went home, got my passport, borrowed two thousand dollars from my dad, and went back to England. We were married on the seventeenth of February. I never did have to get baptized.
Shortly there after I was at the base visiting with some friends when I saw the old commander walking out the gate, I waved, “I got married anyway” called him a rude name, gave him the one finger salute with my right hand and the two finger English salute with my left, both meaning the same thing. I felt much better after that. We had to battle the people at the embassy to get her a permanent visa but we prevailed and now after thirty two years, three kids and a grand child I still am amazed at the “puppy love”.
Use or lose as you see fit! And congratulations! *smiles*
Cathy
Hi Steve
You've had plenty of good suggestions for this story, so I'll just say I enjoyed the story and well done for listening to your heart, knowing what you wanted and making it happen despite the hurdles put in your way.
Nina
You've had plenty of good suggestions for this story, so I'll just say I enjoyed the story and well done for listening to your heart, knowing what you wanted and making it happen despite the hurdles put in your way.
Nina
Many thanks to Fran and Cathy for there input and corrections,, note I could not get puppy love to come out using the Italics sign in the box? so I kept the quotations.
Nina thanks for reading and enjoying this little tidbit of my life. Fran I was told by many a bloke that the gestures meant the same thing. Nice little tidbit of history though.Thanks.
Steve
Nina thanks for reading and enjoying this little tidbit of my life. Fran I was told by many a bloke that the gestures meant the same thing. Nice little tidbit of history though.Thanks.
Steve
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