Title: Believe
Author: Lorraine Kanter
Word count: 477
Revised: 05 Aug 06 (Thanks Nina and Fran!)

Believe

I don't care what the others think or say, I know what I saw and I'm not crazy!

It was twilight by the time I finally headed back towards my car, six bags in tow, shuffling between vehicles and un-trodden snow. I never understood the logic behind parking in the furthest space away from the Mall so I would be the first one out, but non-the-less, I had done so yet again!

That night, just a week before Christmas, the sky was a beautiful palette of gold and turquoise. A sliver of new Moon bobbed between dark wisps of clouds, giving them a strange, yet appealing glow. It felt good to unload the bags and stand for a moment, head titled upwards, breathing in the fresh, cool night air. I closed my eyes and listened to fragments of the song 'White Christmas' as it drifted in and out of range clashing with the Mall's version of annoying sleigh bells ringing, jingling and shaking at each doorway. It was strange not to see any Salvation Army volunteers this year, so I assume the Mall had taken up the sleigh bell theme itself.

For a fleeting moment, I caught a scent of fresh balsam and cedar and looked to my left. The boy scouts had set up a stand not far from my car. A large sign with red block lettering read: FRESH TREES & WREATHS FOR SALE. I wanted a closer look and strolled over.

I chatted to the boys and, after a generous donation, they helped me carry my last-minute purchases back to my car. It was then that we all saw it...

I don't care what the others think or say, I know what I saw and I'm not crazy! The boys saw it too!

The sky darkened for a moment as the moon disappeared; we looked up. Everything went silent - I mean EVERYTHING. Time slowed, though only the three of us seemed aware of anything unusual.

A beautiful silver sleigh appeared, pulled by nine reindeer! Its seat was made of what looked like woven silk. The entire side of the sleigh was embellished with gold, ruby and emerald jewels, as were the complimentary silvery-leather reins.

Thick snowflakes started falling as we continued to stare in utter amazement. A rotund man with a full, gray beard waved down at us. As the sleigh went past, we could hear, "Ho, Ho, Ho. Merry Christmas" whispered on the wind.

Time sped up again as we stood there, frozen. We tried to tell the other folks who were in the lot that night, what we had seen but of course, no one believed us. Words were tossed about like weather balloon, fog traps and one even said it was a genuine UFO.

I don't really care what they think because I know what I saw and I believe.

Copyright © Lorraine M Kanter 11 Dec 2005, revised 05 Aug 06

Hi Lori

I've some suggestions for changes but showing them became much too complicated so I'll just post a revised version for you to have a look at and take what you like, leaving what you don't.

It is a lovely magical story for Xmas, reminding me a bit of the film Miracle on 42nd Street.

Anyway here is my revised offering.

Believe

I don’t care what others think or say, I know what I saw and I’m not crazy!

It was getting dark by the time I finally headed back towards my car, 6 bags in tow, shuffling between vehicles and un-trodden snow paths as I went. I never understood the logic behind parking in the furthest space away from the Mall so I would be the first one out, but none-the-less, I had done so yet again!

That night, a week before Christmas, the sky was a beautiful palette of gold and turquoise. A sliver of new Moon bobbed between dark wisps of clouds, giving them a strange yet appealing glow.  It felt good to unload the bags and stand for a moment, head titled upwards, breathing in the fresh, cool night air.  I closed my eyes and listened to fragments of the song ‘White Christmas’ as it drifted in and out of range clashing with the Mall’s version of annoying sleigh bells ringing, jingling and shaking at each doorway. It was strange not to see any Salvation Army volunteers this year, so I assume the Mall had taken up the sleigh bell theme itself.

Fleetingly, I caught the scent of fresh balsam and cedar and looked to my left. The boy scouts had set up a stand not far from my car. A large sign with red block lettering displayed: FRESH TREES & WREATHS FOR SALE.  I simply had to take a closer look!

I chatted to the boys and, after a generous donation, they helped me carry my last-minute purchases back to my car. It was then, that we all saw it…

I don’t care what others think or say, I know what I saw and I’m not crazy! The boys saw it too!

The sky darkened for a moment as the moon disappeared, causing us to look up. Everything went silent – I mean EVERYTHING. Time slowed, though only the three of us seemed aware of anything unusual.

A beautiful silver sleigh appeared, pulled by nine reindeer! Its seat was made of what looked like woven silk. The entire side of the sleigh was embellished with gold, crimson and emerald jewels, as were the complimentary silvery-leather reins.

Thick snowflakes started falling as we continued to stare in utter amazement.  A rotund man with a gray, straggly beard waved down at us and, as the sleigh went past, we could hear, “Ho, Ho, Ho. Merry Christmas” being whispered on the wind.  

We believed.

In a flash, time sped up again as we stood there frozen.  We tried to tell other folk who were in the lot that night, what we had just seen but of course, no one believed us. Words were tossed about like weather balloon, fog traps and one even said it was a genuine UFO.

I don’t really care what they think because I know what I saw and I believe.

Nina

Hi Nina.

Thanks so much! I will print this and take a look at all your suggestions! I'm confident in your ideas to help refine this one.  

WOW! Yes, I guess this one does have that same message as we see in the movie, Miracle on 42nd Street. I hadn't thought if that but YES- there IS a santa claus!  

I've been working on a poem ( a longer one) about the ways before commercialism took hold, may not have it posted my Christmas, but we'll see....  

Thanks again Nina.

Cheers  
~Cleo  

Hey Lori,

I enjoyed your christmas miracle. I am sorry for not being helpful in offering any crits. A bit rusty here. :(

Still enthralling read :)

Hugs
Dani

Lori I just read this wonderful magical story and was thouroughly delighted with it, who says that Santa Claus doesn't exist? I believe.
Steve

Hi Dani.

Sorry for my very tardy reply!

I'm glad you enjoyed this micro-story - I'm a bit rusty too with writing in general these days. No worries on the crits - perhaps if I revise this, you'll come back again?

BIG HUGS
Lori




Hi Steve.

Thanks for your reply and the bump of this post. I still need to consider Nina's ideas and will be back when I can get the time to spare.....

I'm so glad you believe too!

We all need something to believe in!

Cheers
Lori

Hi, Lori

Apologies for being somewhat (months!) late

I love this hearwarming Christmas story. Would do well in a magazine or newspaper - and now is probably the time to send it off ready for the next season

A few nits, mostly to deal with the tenses, which (as this started as a flash) are a bit confused, and to smooth the flow.

Suggestions: {omit} [add] comment As always, use or toss as you feel - YOUR story

Fran



I don’t care what the others think or say, I know what I saw and I’m not crazy!

The sky {had changed to}[was] a beautiful palette of gold and turquoise that night, just a week before Christmas. A sliver of a new moon {has risen}[rose] , bobbing between dark wisps of clouds giving off a strange, yet appealing comma glow above. It was twilight by the time I finally headed back to my car, {6}[six] bags in tow, shuffling between cars and un-trodden snow {paths as I went}. I never understood the logic behind parking in the furthest space away from the Mall so I would be the first one out, but non-the-less, I {did}[had done] it again!

Anyway, it felt good when I reached my car comma to unload the bags and just stand for a moment, head titled upwards {and}[,] breathing in the fresh, cool night air.  I closed my eyes and listened to fragments of the song ‘White Christmas’ as it drifted in and out of my range along with the Mall’s version of annoying sleigh bells ringing, jingling and shaking at each doorway. It{’s}[was] strange not seeing the Salvation Army volunteers this year, so I guess the Mall took up the sleigh bell theme themselves.

For a fleeting moment, I caught {the}[a] scent of fresh balsam and cedar and looked to my left. The boy scouts should that begin with caps? had set up a stand not far from me {, being the end of lot} . A large sign with red block lettering {displayed}[said] : FRESH TREES & WREATHS FOR SALE.  I simply had to go for a closer look! This last sentance grates a wee bit ... how about something less effusive like "I strolled over."

I made small talk with the boys and comma after a generous donation{;}[comma] they helped me carry my two last-minute purchases back to my car. It was then{,} that we all saw it…

I don’t care what the others think or say, I know what I saw and I’m not crazy! The boys saw it too!

The sky darkened for a moment as the moon disappeared{, causing us to look up}[; we looked up]. Everything went silent – I mean EVERYTHING. It was as if only the three of us could see it, time slowing for us.  

{It was}[We saw] a beautiful silver sleigh {being} pulled by nine reindeer! The seat of the sleigh was {made with something that looked like} silk- {woven}[like] material and the entire sleigh was embellished with gold, {crimson}[ruby] and emerald jewels along it[s] sides[.] {and complimentary} silvery-leather reins [were] dotted with the same hues.

Snowflakes fell faster {and harder} as we continued to stare {up} in utter amazement. We believed. A rotund man with gray straggly straggly doesn't sound v nice? beard waved down at us[.] { and} as the sleigh went past, we could hear, “Ho, Ho, Ho. Merry Christmas[,] ” {being} whispered on the wind.  

{In a flash, time sped up again as we just stood there[,]frozen. }We tried to tell the other folks in the lot that night what we had {just} seen but comma of course, no one believed us. Words were tossed about like weather balloon, fog traps and one even said it was a genuine UFO.

I guess I don’t really care what they think because I know what I saw and I believe.

Hi Fran.

No apologies please - I appreciate your coming into my micro-story (no matter the date) and offering such excellent feedback.

I will print this out and have a look as soon as I can.

You might have to educate me - I've never submitted anything to a magazine before.

Thanks again for your visit and comments!

~Cleo

Revised today - thank you very much Nina and Fran - I've incorporated both of your suggestions.

Happy Ho Ho Ho!