Hello Daniel,

This piece is about the 1914- 1918 Great War.  It ended in November and I often think of the mothers of the boys, some as young as 16 or 17
who went into battle on those last days and were killed. I know losing a child at any stage of the war must have been devastating but to lose one just when the Armistice was about to happen must have been even more horrendous.

Will write separately about your faux-ku Daniel, since this is rather solemn.

Hi Grace,

As you may know, I'm a very big "fan" of WWI poetry. (My favourite poet of all is Wilfred Owen).

I think your poem is excellent. It has at least a multiple interpretations:

The literal death of soldiers
The end of the war when men were de-mobbed out of uniform
The end of the war enabling people to start forgetting (though from WWI that was tough because of the percentage of the population directly affected).
The end of war itself -  society swapping khaki for civvies.

and so on...

The late demise of soldiers is especially poignant - Owen himself was killed in the last week of the war at the old age of 26. Many, as you intimate were younger but all were young. The war wiped out a whole generation - as well as the previous way of life. (One could even take khaki to represent the Big House Aristocracy way of life).

I marvel how you have used so few words so simply and said so very much - more, I think, than you'd even realised.

Splendid, thank you.

James.

Hello James,

Ever since I wrote Letter from Nowhere I have been dwelling on this subject and was going to write a full poem, then decided that a Haiku would say it all without unneccesary embellishments which would have detracted from the starkness and horror.

You will see in my reply to Daniel all the pictures it was supposed to conjure up.

I saw these young men ordered out of the trenches, terrified. The fact that they disappeared into the November mist represented the fact that their young lives were snuffed out as they were all killed.

I am glad that you got so much out of this.

BTW my favourite war poet is Rupert Brooke.

Hi Daniel,

Patriots rejoice
over bald Eagles' demise?
rings of tyranny


You will have to explain this one to me. Remember, I am a Brit.

QUOTE (Cybele @ Feb. 07 2005, 17:46)

Hello Daniel,

This piece is about the 1914- 1918 Great War.  It ended in November and I often think of the mothers of the boys, some as young as 16 or 17
who went into battle on those last days and were killed. I know losing a child at any stage of the war must have been devastating but to lose one just when the Armistice was about to happen must have been even more horrendous.

As I had said above, I knew it had been about a previous war, and had I known WWI ended in November, that would have fixed WWI in my mind.  However, as I had said above, and as James has given a few examples of , your piece speaks volumes of MANY such scenes of going off to war or of HAVING GONE off to war previously, whether the memory of it is the fog, or the persons who went off did not return.  SO MANY interpretations are available to your pregnant words.

So I say it again, Well Done!

Will write separately about your faux-ku Daniel, since this is rather solemn.

Actually, mine is not a faux-ku, but a legitimate senryu, a form that often has a bit of humor in it, though certainly not always. [One distinguishing feature of a faux-ku is that it has a title, besides the plays on words.]  Since the point has been made that senryu IS haiku (with which I agree) I included it in this tile, even though we have a separate tile for senryu (that isn't much utilzed). But I'm glad that you're looking at it separately.  It's as it should be.

deLightingly, Daniel  

Hi Grace,

It is interesting we both like WWI poets - though WWI poetry is perhaps the most popular section of poetry around. I don't know many by Brooke but I think we'll split there. His Foreign Fields for instance I think almost makes war  sound nobel - soldiers just fall asleep. I prefer the bitter satire of Seigfried Sassoon and others. I think Owen brings the horrors of the trench home in so many ways from the horrific (Dulce et Decorum) to the philosophical (Futility) and the surreal (Strange Meeting). The poet I dislike even more than Brooke is Julian Greenfel for his mythical look at war as an heroric theatre. Having said that, all four were in the war so, as humans one has sympathy and respect but as poets I can't take Brooke and Greenfel - unless I've missed some of their works - which is quite possible.

Sorry for the brief intrusion into haiku - but it does link!

James.

QUOTE (Cybele @ Feb. 09 2005, 04:07)

Hi Daniel,

Patriots rejoice
over bald Eagles' demise?
rings of tyrannyYou will have to explain this one to me. Remember, I am a Brit.

Greetings, Grace!  

While referring to the results of this past weekend's long-awaited Super Bowl XXXIX in Jacksonville, FL, in which the American Football Conference Champion New England Patriots (returning Super Bowl champs, having become so now three of the past four years) defeated the National Football Conference Champion Philadelphia Eagles 24-21,,,

however, while alluding to the covented Super Bowl rings that the winners get, I was playing on the names of the teams to allude further to how unpatriotic it would be for the early patriots to rejoice over the demise of the bald eagle, since that would almost have a ring of tyrrany... or perhaps better, 'traiterous.'  I hope that makes sense now.

deLighting to explain, Daniel  

impotence of dusk

bodes marooned bed of darkness;

sun also rises


© Daniel J Ricketts 09 Feb 2005

night of the black moon;
guided onwards by the breath
of kind angels

So sorry I missed this one, Grace.  Quite lovely!

moonlit gallery

displays splashes of Easter;

Son-rise o'er lilies

© Daniel J Ricketts 27 March 2005

gentle plucking hands

forget winter’s biting sting;

daffodils abuzz


© Daniel J Ricketts 28 March 2005

tulip blooms too soon
wilted from this morning’s frost;
busy bees shrug wings

© Daniel J Ricketts 13 April 2005

Hello there

I have read that Haiku does not necessarily have to take on a 5-7-5 form and conciseness is more important, so would this be acceptable




star scattered sky
blankets the sun;
dream time

Very pretty Snow!!

Yes - I believe that Grace inquired too and as long as the thought process in the same, I don't think one is restricted to 5-7-5....

~Cleo :)

Yes, so far as I have read, conciseness is the key, and the 5-7-5 'rule' usually includes "or less" in explanations that I have read; usually the 2nd line is longer than the other two, but I don't suppose that is essential.  What is, is that there are two snapshot, one in two lines; one in the other.  They're usually not centered, but since Grace likes to do hers that way at times, here's one for you, Snow:

snow melts hearts
in life-giving streams;
oceans rejoice

soaking it in Lightly, Daniel  

Thank you Daniel


I must say I like the thought of having a longer line in the middle -- more traditional. How about


star scattered sky
blankets sun; dream ends
with roosters crow


Snow

You're most welcome, Snow...

and I hasten to say that I'm no well-read expert on this form that I love to experiment with, but I do think that the snapshots shouldn't be divided between two lines as your modification offers.  I think there are two distinct pictures or impressions, one in one line, and the other in two.  Perhaps you're wishing to paint something like this?

star-scattered sky
blankets sun for dream time;
rooster’s crow ends it
... which comes mighty close to a senryu with the introduction of the humorous second picture.  Again, I'm just offering a suggestion as to how to separate the pictures, not what strokes you wish to use in your picture.  My modification of yours is merely for illustration.

Here's a kind of sister for yours:

counted on... dreaming,
star-struck by dark night sky;
too soon mourning

Lightly, Daniel  

Hi Daniel


star-scattered sky
blankets sun for dream time;
rooster’s crow ends it

that is exactly what I was trying to say -- thanks.

I like my sister too



Snow

Now that's encouraging, Snow!  We're on the same page again.  

Now... is this a senryu or a haiku?

if hen lays an egg
what will dumb-cluck rooster do?
he springs up and crows

Well... you certainly didn't lay an egg, an' I'm just Lightly cluckin'!
- Daniel  :sun:

This is my sole contribution to this thread.

I wrote this Haiku for my wife and the rememberance of our son Peter




Winters Lament


[beauty is formed within the beat of your heart and the memories of a face]


a grey pardalote
blossom scented tears—headstone
winters drab sunlight


Arnfinn





Copyright    © John Macleod  29th August 2005

I cannot believe that I've not been to this section for so long, John... so please forgive the insensitivity in not responding to your heartfelt memorial.

I think when I'd first read it I was embarrassed to ask what pardalote is and just kept postponing posting until someone else asked... but here we are 9 months later, and I still have no clue. Could you fill me in? In the meanwhile, a senryu:

offer a small tip
I will not reveal your lie
a caddie's motto

... and if I entitled it 'dog-leg' it might become a 'faux-ku'

Lightly, Daniel

I ride on logging roads
slippery with frost in the middle
of a sunrise fire.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Logged roads I ride,
middle slippery with the frost
of a sunrise fire


I think that make it a senryu at least i hope i counted the syllables correctly... Steve

Universal stars
twinkle from the black out back
I watch from porch swing.

Wow, Steve...

It looks like I took a vacation down here! Great to see your hand here. Very nice pieces!

Here's one for this season:

Hello Guys!

Glad you have revived Haikus!

From me Peterpan! I have a few on the 5 Senses...Here is one:





Oh my gosh! I have just realised (an hour after posting) that this is possibly a Senryu as it is not about nature??