Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews

Aggiel

May 12 05, 06:13

THE MINUTE

It is called THE MINUTE because it consists of 60 syllables.

Rhyme scheme : aa , bb, cc , dd, ee, ff

meter : tetrameter and dimeter

It consists of three stanzas. Each stanza has 4 lines, making
a total of 12 lines.

Each stanza is a full sentence and ends with a full-stop.

It breaks into 4 lines of :

line 1 tetrameter,
line 2 dimeter,
line 3 dimeter
line 4 dimeter.

or

SYLLABUS : 8444, 8444, 8444

EXAMPLE

Outside

I walk in stealth to catch the sight
of gulls in flight
above the froth
with bated breath.
Some spread their wings, a milky white
and start to fight
for bits of plum
that smell of rum.
A brook across the woody throngs,
reveals in songs
to passers-by
a bubbly sigh.

Agatha Lai

2005

Aggiel

May 12 05, 06:23

I did it again.

Will someone help to change the title to

The Minute

Aggiel

May 12 05, 06:45

Dear Aggie,

How's this ?

Love
Alan

THE MINUTE

The minute is a sight to see;
look here, with me,
first make a line
you're doing fine.

It should be of syllables eight
with metric weight,
then two of four,
this you'll adore.

All held within it's stanzas three
and you'll agree
you have poem,
that'll show 'em !

Alan McAlpine Douglas

Toumai

May 12 05, 06:47

Very good Alan. Thanks for starting this thread, Aggiel - I love that poem (and I've changed the title)

Fran

JustDaniel

May 12 05, 07:35

SUPER!

Thanks so much for starting the new tile and introducing this, Fran! Here's my first backwoods shot:

Jest a Minute

I love new forms! I’ll have to see
if brain cell’s free
to get the gist
and maybe twist
my thoughts into its lines a bit
an’ maybe wit’
a twinklin’ eye;
per’aps I’ll try
a note of seriousity
before I flee
from hissin’ boos
an’ take a snooze

© Daniel J Ricketts 12 May 2005

Don

May 12 05, 11:40

Hi Just Daniel,

Yours is more formally correct as the whole is a single stanza.

Note that the subject is supposed to describe an event. Yours flew over with levity wings.

Don

JustDaniel

May 12 05, 12:07

Ah... then Don, you must have some inside information about this little gem of a form that has not yet been revealed! An event, huh? Could you set forth a link to a fuller explanation of this for us, perhaps?

I don't have time to offer a response in verse right now, but if I had more time before the home visit that I'm scheduled to make shortly, I would give it a shot. But there is always another day... after you show us a bit more info. Thank you so much for your assistance.

lookin' fer more Light, Daniel :sun:

Don

May 12 05, 12:47

QUOTE (JustDaniel @ May 12 2005, 13:07)

Ah... then Don, you must have some inside information about this little gem of a form that has not yet been revealed! An event, huh? Could you set forth a link to a fuller explanation of this for us, perhaps?

I don't have time to offer a response in verse right now, but if I had more time before the home visit that I'm scheduled to make shortly, I would give it a shot. But there is always another day... after you show us a bit more info. Thank you so much for your assistance.

lookin' fer more Light, Daniel

Hi Just Daniel,

I e-mailed you the whole picture of my knowledge. The source is from my copy of "How to Write Poetry" by Lee Ann Russell. The group Bards of a Feather to which I belong extracts most of our monthly projects from this non-traditionally published book.

I wrote a minute that won a first place award. No one understands it; therefore, this mention hopefully will suffice.

Don

Aggiel

May 12 05, 17:03

Thanks a lot. Fran. You are most helpful.

Aggiel

JustDaniel

May 12 05, 17:04

Thanks, Don! I'll get my email late tonight, I hope... but I'm going straight from work to a meeting and won't be back till around 10 pm, so this is the only story I can tell at the moment:

Don tried to help me understand —
intentions grand —
but didn’t know
that mail won’t show
on my PC at work… would take
my whole darned break…
and I won’t fake
an alibi, so I’ll just share
my story where
he’ll sooner read
why I can’t heed.

Lightly, Daniel :sun:

Aggiel

May 12 05, 17:06

QUOTE (Alan @ May 12 2005, 07:45)

THE MINUTE

The minute is a sight to see;
look here, with me,
first make a line
you're doing fine.

It should be of syllables eight
with metric weight,
then two of four,
this you'll adore.

All held within it's stanzas three
and you'll agree
you have poem,
that'll show 'em !

Alan McAlpine Douglas

It's spontaneous and free. I have enjoyed it, Alan.

Thanks for sharing.

Aggiel

Aggiel

May 12 05, 17:10

QUOTE (JustDaniel @ May 12 2005, 08:35)

Jest a Minute

I love new forms! I’ll have to see
if brain cell’s free
to get the gist
and maybe twist
my thoughts into its lines a bit
an’ maybe wit’
a twinklin’ eye;
per’aps I’ll try
a note of seriousity
before I flee
from hissin’ boos
an’ take a snooze

© Daniel J Ricketts 12 May 2005

A great job, Daniel. What a jest ! Thanks for sharing.

Aggiel

Aggiel

May 12 05, 17:13

Hi Don,

Why not share your winning minute here .

All the best

Aggiel

Cleo_Serapis

May 12 05, 17:44

Hi Aggie.

Thanks so much for posting this poetic form here in Karnak!

I've never heard of this form but I can guarantee you that it'll personally take me more than 60 seconds (and maybe even 60 minutes) to write one of these little gems.

It's refreshing to see the discussions from your poem in Herme's continued in such detail with the notable desire to share with our members.

I WILL be back to post this uniquel refreshing form soon.

Thanks so much Aggie - you are a sweetie!

~Cleo :pharoah2

Cleo_Serapis

May 12 05, 17:49

QUOTE (Don @ May 12 2005, 13:47)

QUOTE (JustDaniel @ May 12 2005, 13:07)

Ah... then Don, you must have some inside information about this little gem of a form that has not yet been revealed! An event, huh? Could you set forth a link to a fuller explanation of this for us, perhaps?

I don't have time to offer a response in verse right now, but if I had more time before the home visit that I'm scheduled to make shortly, I would give it a shot. But there is always another day... after you show us a bit more info. Thank you so much for your assistance.

lookin' fer more Light, Daniel

Hi Just Daniel,

I e-mailed you the whole picture of my knowledge. The source is from my copy of "How to Write Poetry" by Lee Ann Russell. The group Bards of a Feather to which I belong extracts most of our monthly projects from this non-traditionally published book.

I wrote a minute that won a first place award. No one understands it; therefore, this mention hopefully will suffice.

Don

Hi Daniel.

Only going by Aggie's description of this form above, it appears that each stanza must have an end-stop:

It consits of three stanzas of 12 lines. Each stanza is a sentence with a full-stop at the end.

Does that help?

~Cleo

Cleo_Serapis

May 12 05, 18:59

In Light Thereof

O’ starry night that you reveal
intense appeal
white monomer;
astronomer.

That I could be at one with thee
in pallid sea
of hydrogen
and morphogen.

I’d beam through universal rays
and count the days
of blessed love;
in light thereof.

© Lorraine M Kanter

Aggiel

May 13 05, 06:17

QUOTE (Cleo_Serapis @ May 12 2005, 18:44)

Hi Aggie.

Thanks so much for posting this poetic form here in Karnak!

I've never heard of this form but I can guarantee you that it'll personally take me more than 60 seconds (and maybe even 60 minutes) to write one of these little gems.

It's refreshing to see the discussions from your poem in Herme's continued in such detail with the notable desire to share with our members.

I WILL be back to post this uniquel refreshing form soon.

Thanks so much Aggie - you are a sweetie!

YES, I KNOW..

~Cleo :pharoah2

Hi Lori,

Thanks for being so appreciative. I was a request from Justdaniel
and I gladly obliged. I am so happy to see so many instant responses,
which throw a light on my understanding of this great group of poets
I am with, considering the lentgh of time I took to complete my poem.

Thanks again.

Aggiel

Aggiel

May 13 05, 06:20

QUOTE (Cleo_Serapis @ May 12 2005, 19:59)

In Light Thereof

O’ starry night that you reveal
intense appeal
white monomer;
astronomer.

That I could be at one with thee
in pallid sea
of hydrogen
and morphogen.

I’d beam through universal rays
and count the days
of blessed love;
in light thereof.

© Lorraine M Kanter

Lori,

This is beautiful. :cheer:

Thanks for sharing.

Aggiel

JustDaniel

May 13 05, 10:36

See how difficult it is for me to follow directions!? BUT... once I figure them out, the fun begins! Thanks for showing me the obvious, Lori... the part that I usually miss!

sLightly embarrassed (but what's new?!) Daniel :speechless:

ArtesiaMeeks

May 14 05, 09:15

Aggie,

A cute poem....I enjoyed reading it.

ArtesiaMeeks

JustDaniel

May 14 05, 14:31

Okay... may I try again?

Minute Waltz

Mere sixty syllables is all…
and why it’s called
“The Minute" form;
you must conform.

Each stanza has to be complete
or you’ll defeat
its simple pace;
you can’t enlace.

Just three quatrains is all you need,
so don’t exceed
the limit... my,
how seconds fly!

© Daniel J Ricketts 14 May 2005

AMETHYST

May 14 05, 18:59

Hi Agatha...

This is a stirring form and I will wet my feet a bit... I did want to say that your directions might be a little confusing (to me)

It says 3 stanza's of 12 lines. That means to me that each stanza should be 12 lines. Perhaps, 3 quatrains (which is a 4 lined stanza)

Or maybe just ...

3 stanzas of 4 lines totalling 12 lines.

Here's my first Minute Poem! ???

There is an angel watching me.
Her eyes can see.
I loved her so
I hope she'll know.

When heaven's hue alights the night
Her love is bright
It warms my heart
though we're apart

She taught me well; of God's good grace
Comforts embrace
my mother's love
from up above!

I'm not sure if this is the right way... I will learn! It is fun!

Aggiel

May 14 05, 23:45

Carol,

Thanks a lot. You make my day.

Wou, Daniel, such a cute minute. I have enjoyed it.

All the best

Aggiel

Aggiel

May 14 05, 23:47

Hi Amythyst,

Thanks a lot, I can see my mistake now and make the correction needed.

I have enjoyed your poem. What a nice poem for a mother. Is it ?

:pharoah2

Thanks for sharing your poem.

Aggiel

JustDaniel

May 16 05, 08:33

Greetings, all...

Have I missed your posting that prize-winner you mentioned, Don? I really would like to see it... and I don't recall getting that email you mentioned to me either. I really am interested in doing this form correctly (at least before I go veering off in some variation of it for fun.

Please allow me to offer this (I think) correction of the off-the-cuff Minute I'd written previously, before I noticed the part about end-stops that I'd somehow glossed over:

Don's Wait-a-Minute

Don tried to help me understand —
intentions grand —
but didn’t know:
here, mail’s too slow.

On my PC at work, ‘t would take
my whole darned break
to read e-mail;
it’s like a snail.

As alibi, I hope he’ll hear
my story here:
I didn’t heed;
I couldn’t read!

deLighting in correction, Daniel

... and I do hope I have it right this time, Don. Thanks to both you and Lori!

P.S. I hope Liz's interpretation is correct also, because I think we have the same one? ... and I like your piece too, Liz! It flaps and soars rather nicely... if you don't mind an old duck's perspective on the matter.

Cybele

May 23 05, 10:47

Copied from Hermes at the request of Aggiel, who introduced my to this form 'The Minute', so called because it contains 60 syllables. I wanted something very brief and stark for this tribute to all those fallen heroes. I stood in front of these graves and wept. I had not really had any conception of the great numbers of sacrificed young lives until this moment - and this was only one graveyard amid thousands.

POSTCARD FROM BAYEUX

For sixty years in shine and rain
their bones have lain
bleached white, picked clean
beneath the green.

Stark white stones: well tended flowers,
washed by showers
and choking tears,
bloom through the years.

These brave young souls who gave their all,
answered the call;
will never die,
though here they lie.

(All rights reserved by Grace Galton as an unpublished work)

Cleo_Serapis

May 23 05, 18:59

Very stunning Grace!

A wonderful image to compliment the poem (or vise versa). :pharoah2

This is 'monumnetal' seeing as this coming Monday we celebrate Veteran's Day here in the USA.

Thanks for sharing Grace!
~Cleo

JustDaniel

Jun 7 05, 07:01

Your piece Monumental indeed, Grace! A beautiful piece.

I'll post mine somewhere down on the floor.

jgdittier

Jun 8 05, 14:00

Dear All,
I wrote this unaware of the "event" requirement.
Not sure it qualifies...

A minute has but sixty ticks
to do its tricks.
But slow was I
to give a try.

So in that time, between that chime,
I'll make a rhyme.
And set my feet,
to cadence beat.

So now you see some poetry,
and know it's me!
Oh do agree,
it's jgd.

Cheers, jgd.

Cleo_Serapis

Jun 8 05, 17:44

Well done Ron!

The beat's got me dancing too!

Cool!

Aggiel

Jun 9 05, 17:28

Wou, how I love all your posts here, old or new.

:costume:

This is my first post here at MM, a minute too.

Big Race

The bubbly brooks and streams aligned

disturb the wind

dismay the trees

ensnare the breeze.

Together they stumble the ground

on their way down

through vast terrains

with rich refrains.

They increase their speed at the sight

of the great might

of quiet sea

another spree.

Aggiel

jgdittier

Jun 11 05, 07:39

Dear Aggiel,
Do share your spree with me!
Cheers, jgd Ron

jgdittier

Jun 11 05, 07:49

If I'm Your Beau

I'll swear I'll never know just why you care.
I'm heir to prayer!
Because you're there, you make my life a prize,
it shows in eyes.
I cannot say this love I'll so portray-
my mute display.
But thunder is the sound of my poor heart.
You're alacarte!
On my menu, you're too too rich for me.
Deliciously!
But miracles occur and you are mine.
My valentine!
So apropos for both our eyes to glow
when I'm your beau!

jgd Ron

Aggiel

Jun 11 05, 21:16

Hi Ron,

This is a different way of writing Minute you created.
I rather like it. I think I too will try
differnt approach too.

Thanks for sharing.

Aggiel

Cleo_Serapis

Jun 12 05, 06:37

QUOTE (jgdittier @ June 11 2005, 08:49)

If I'm Your Beau

I'll swear I'll never know just why you care. *10
I'm heir to prayer! *4
Because you're there, you make my life a prize, *10
it shows in eyes. *4
I cannot say this love I'll so portray- *10
my mute display. *4
But thunder is the sound of my poor heart. *10
You're alacarte! *4
On my menu, you're too too rich for me. *10
Deliciously! *4
But miracles occur and you are mine. *10
My valentine! *4
So apropos for both our eyes to glow *10
when I'm your beau! *4

jgd Ron

Hello Ron.

Firstly, I enjoyed your poem!

A minute must be written with 60 syllables total in 3 stanzas as:

line 1 tetrameter (8)
line 2 dimeter, (4)
line 3 dimeter (4)
line 4 dimeter. (4)

A 20, 20, 20 beat count (8444 8444 8444).

In your lovely, romantic piece here, you're employed pentameter with dimeter every other line in one complete staza:

10, 4, 10, 4 (28) for 3 repeats and a closing couplet of 10, 4 for a total of 14 lines or 28 x 3 + 14 = 98 syllables.

Now - you've just created a new form!

Perhaps you can call this form of yours something else?

Cheers!
~Cleo

JustDaniel

Jun 14 05, 16:32

uncrowned descant

I don’t know why I once would tease
or try to please
unconsciously;
is it just me?

No matter what I’ve done, it seems
my upward dreams
come drifting down
about my crown.

Is there no end of this in sight?
Am I some blight?
It brings despair
to lose one’s hair.

© Daniel J Ricketts 07 June 2005

jgdittier

Jun 15 05, 10:08

Dear All,
It must not have been coffee I was drinking when I wrote this.
If it must be named, it could be called a ten-four and its length left open to the writer.
My apologies, it was the result of a senior moment.
Cheers, jgd

Toumai

Jun 15 05, 15:50

Hey, Ron, if that was due to a senior moment, I'm looking forward to me bus pass :pharoah2
Fran

Cleo_Serapis

Jun 15 05, 19:57

Thanks Ron - that sounds great! A 10/4 to your Ten Four!

You should post the form requirements as a new topic so we can try it!

Cheers!
~Cleo

JustDaniel

Jun 15 05, 20:14

Just wondering...

am I invisible on some screens?

jgdittier

Jun 17 05, 09:06

Dear Daniel,
We all know the cat in the tree is news and the cat on the ground isn't.
I guess I was the cat in the tree when I wrote that 10-4, while intending to wrire a minute.
I surely felt foolish and focussed only getting off the hook after my gaff.
As to "Uncrowned Descant", it has your wit in expression but not your sprightliness in attitude. I expect it is a piece of irony.
It does make the pate a focus, "uncrowned" having multiple meanings, "tease" worked into the rhyme sequence. I read it and hoped you weren't pulling your hair out. Then I realized you were
really just taking a minute for some tongue-in-cheek humor.
Nicely done, jgd

JustDaniel

Jun 22 05, 08:43

Thank you, Ron...

I really DID think that somehow what I'd written could not even be seen, so I'd posted it again, and it seemed not to be seen even the second time. I was feeling kind of silly! *smile*

I can only be here for another minute or so, so...

just another minute…

I really should be in the shower.
but O the power
of writing on
all through the dawn.

Procrastination stretches lines;
my heart still pines
to fly away
but it must stay.

I’ll soon again be off to work;
I'd rather shirk,
but duty calls
from empty halls.

© Daniel J Ricketts 22 June 2005

Aggiel

Jan 9 06, 23:39

Hi Daniel,

You have an unusual Minute but I like it.

Aggie

A Star

From top of hills, I look afar
and spot a star,
emitting light,
decked by birds' flight.
I wish upon this gem of dawn,
before it's gone,
to shine for all
men who stand tall.
Let peace on earth, be each one's song ,
till shadows throng,
till vespers fray
in shades of grey.

Agatha Lai

JustDaniel

Jan 10 06, 18:29

Well... I only wrote mine a minute ago...

and yours is quite beautiful... it shines!

deLightingly, Daniel