Senryu is a short form of poetry identical in construction to haiku: (three lines with 17 or fewer syllables with a cut after the first or second line forming two related snapshots of an experience of reality), but is generally about human foibles, while haiku references nature. Senryu need not include a kigo, or season word, like haiku (though it seems that much of modern English haiku tends toward senryu; that is, unlike traditional Japanese haiku, it may not necessarily adhere to the 5-7-5 syllable form which may be suitable in Japanese, but which tends to produce long or stilted language in English). A simple rule seems to be, Take a deep breath and read all three lines... cut and all.

I'll offer a couple of examples of my own, however inadequate. Perhaps someone with greater stature would like to add greater insight to this thread.

How I love thee
with breadth, length, depth and height…
but who counts the days?

© MLee Dickens'son 11 Oct 2004


feeling seventeen
your heart pounds out senryu;
you just can’t beat it

© MLee Dickens'son 14 Feb 2004

By the way, I understand that they're often with a bit of humor, so I don't think I'm desecrating the form if I wink a bit.

sharin' a bit o' de Light, Daniel  

Hi Daniel,    

Thank you for kicking this off and explaining the basic concept of senryu.

QUOTE

How I love thee
with breadth, length, depth and height…
but who counts the days?

Ah! The lovely Christina Rosetti!.

Here is one I have had published.

newsprint to footprint
banner headlines recycled,
bag lady moves on

Following in your footprints Daniel.  

Love

Grace

Ah, I love your piece, Grace.  Footprints indeed!  So now you're going to have to educate me regarding one Christina Rosetti?  I must plead ignorance, I'm afraid!

clawprints spread out 'neath
aged, unread, dimming eyes;
reflection on dusk

dim in de Light, Daniel  :sun:

Hello Daniel,

I thought you were paraphrasing Christina Rosetti's "How do I love thee?"

QUOTE

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

One of my favourite romantic poems  

Next up  

my visitor gone;
I find a few grapes  
in the bottom of the bag

Love

Grace

No wonder I was confused, Grace.  You have quoted Elizabeth Barrett Browning... and my piece DID allude to that very sonnet of hers.  I still have yet to read your Christina Rosetti.  Once you uncross your wires, you'll still have to educate me.  I've not read much of EBB yet either, but I hope to in time.  May as well add CR to what I need to read!

Here's my follow-up katauta to yours [ See Cleo's Tile re Mondo et al. ]

who'd have de-vined it?
my hungry guest stripped me
of all my grape juice

squeezing myself Lightly, Daniel  

Thank you Daniel,  

Have been to Cleo's tile and educated myself a little more.  

wearing white tutus
gray thistles dance
a welcome to winter

Love

Grace

Should we put ours together in a Mondo in Cleo's tile, Grace?

wearing stretch tutus
greying dancers shuffle;
time for canasta

... and you still must educate me on Ms Rosetti!  I have a former counselee who was a Rosetti... and a man with gangster connections who once threatened my life (who's now deat) who was a Rosetti... and a sister-in-law who was a Rosetti.  None of them ever wrote poetry to my knowledge.

deLightingly, Daniel  :sun:

Hi Daniel,

Well I have read up on Mondo/Katauta and the formula would seem to be

a question 5-7-7(onji or syllables)= one katauta
followed by and answer 5-7-7 (Onji or syllables)= another katauta

the whole being a Mondo.



If so I must adjust my last piece to read

wearing white tutus
are the gray thistles dancing
to welcome winter?

If I have that right Daniel, it's over to you. I wait with baited breath.

As for the Rosettis - a very interesting family, far too much info to relate here so have added a link for you.

http://44.1911encyclopedia.org/R/RO/ROSSET...NA_GEORGINA.htm



Love

Grace

QUOTE

wearing white tutus
are the gray thistles dancing
to welcome winter?

I think those thistles
are really hairy goosebumps;
they need wooly underwear

P.S.

why are we posting
in this new senryu tile?
don't katauta want Mondo?

[ You can copy and paste this in Mondo/Sedoka, if you like-- with your response, of course... and we can continue bantering there!   ]

Meanwhile, back to senryu:

some reason o’er rhyme;
there's neither rhyme nor reason
why some endures time

Hi Daniel,

QUOTE

some reason o’er rhyme;
there's neither rhyme nor reason
why some endures time

Very clever piece and very true!

On a more serious note:

her exploring hand
encounters a  pea-sized lump;
new born infant wakes

Love

Grace

what a pregnant piece!  I could mean MANY things!

fingers unfurl fire
stored up in solitary,
igniting passion

Lightly, Daniel  :sun:

Aah! Daniel,  

QUOTE

what a pregnant piece!  I could mean MANY things!

her exploring hand
encounters a  pea-sized lump;
new born infant wakes


'Twas more serious than that.  The lady who had just given birth was discovering a cancerous lump in her breast.  Sounds morbid?? Unfortunately it happens far too often.

Love

Grace

I hope my response wasn't too insensitive, my good friend.  I thought that was exactly what it was...

but your language lends itself to several very different directions. I really meant that as a compliment.  It's a rememkable little gem you've written.

... and I meant 'pregnant' in the 'huge idea' sense as well as my insufferable word-play.

sLightly embarrassed, Daniel  :blush21:

when he's serious
no one seems to believe him;
his eyes still sparkle

Good Morning Daniel,

Oh! No, I wasn't at all upset by your words my friend, I just thought that I had missed getting across the true interpretation of the piece; I thought I hadn't explained it enough.  

I think a woman reader would have understood straight away - I'm sorry, I didn't consider that it wouldn't immediately be clear to a man.

Nothing to forgive my friend.

This has happened to a few friends of mine and it is so hard to understand the devastating effect it would have on the mother of a young child.


Love

Grace

Hi Daniel,

QUOTE

when he's serious
no one seems to believe him;
his eyes still sparkle

Love this piece. Just keep those eyes sparkling. The best cure for all ills is laughter

Love

Grace
[b]

I'm pleased that I had not offended, Grace... and again, I DID understand your meaning on the second read or so... before I responded... but again, your excellent piece is worthy of many reads, with many interpretations.  It's a remarkable poem.

... and wow, I am pleased that you like my little sparklin' bauble too!



sLightly sparkled, blushing, Daniel  

Hi Daniel,  

I seem to be pre-occupied with dogs at present. Don't they make great hot water bottles?

canine companion;
comforting her ancient bones
all alone today

Love

Grace

touching piece, Grace!

Would you bite me if I suggested swithching (not with a willow!) the first and third lines?

go cut a long willow wisp...
be sure it's long and sturdy;
prep for punishment

sLightly shivering at the memory, Daniel  :sun:

Hello Daniel,  

QUOTE

touching piece, Grace!

Would you bite me if I suggested swithching (not with a willow! the first and third lines?

Great idea. It's a done deal Daniel!

QUOTE

go cut a long willow wisp...
be sure it's long and sturdy;
prep for punishment

Ouch! Don't forget the book down the trousers!!

Might I suggest to avoid repetition

go cut a fresh willow wisp...
be sure it's long and sturdy;
prep for punishment



Love

Grace

I've now booked my trip
to my woodshed discipline;
glad you saved my seat

Lightly, Daniel  :sun:

My pleasure Daniel,

I had four sons and know the consequences of switches, (well in their case it was a slipper from their house master! )

distraction;
on my window pane
a fly cloud-hops

Happy Tuesday!

Love

Grace

delightful image here, Grace...

Note, however that your last line perhaps needs a hyphen, since it's not the fly-cloud that hops, but the fly that cloud-hops, I assume?

... and I think that distracted needs a semicolon rather than a comma?

contraction...
iamble far to often
I suppose  


deLightingly, Daniel  

Good to see you up and about Daniel,

I have been up for 5 hours now, soon be time for lunch!

Right on Maestro!

All your assumptions are correct and I will toddle off and correct them now. Don't want a detention ~ I'm getting peckish!

QUOTE

contraction...
iamble far to often
I suppose  

Well, there's no answer to that my friend

Back after a snack.

Love

Grace

de tension...
when your behind must stay put
for attention

QUOTE

de tension...
when your behind must stay put
for attention

Priceless Daniel!

moonshine;
I follow turtle tracks  
across deserted beach

Love Grace

Thanks, Grace... you know I couldn't resist that one... any more than I could resist this to your neat little heads-up package:

moonshine:
cop losing turbo's tracks
on rocks deserting beach

deLightfully, Daniel  :sun:

Okay my fiend, (no, not a typo! )  

moonshine:
cop losing turbo's tracks
on rocks deserting beach

You play the comic, I'll play the straight guy/gal.

bleak winter's night:
in the sleeping hamlet  
a dog howls

I can almost see your reply to this one Daniel!!  

Love

Grace

umm... uhhhh...  I bet you weren't expecting this, no matter how straight you keep your face:

frigid mourn in Nam;
taste a slippery omelet
called a cat's meow

in a frigid Light, Daniel

Perhaps this, however may be more tasteful?

tender silvered blades
genuflect to usurper;
Jack Frost spreads his robe

still frigid, but perhaps in a better Light, Daniel  :sun:

Hi Daniel  :sun:

QUOTE

frigid mourn in Nam;
taste a slippery omelet
called a cat's meow

Sorry Daniel, I only understand the first line of this but suspect the rest is rather unpleasant? Alluding to poor food supplies?

QUOTE

tender silvered blades
genuflect to usurper;
Jack Frost spreads his robe

This is so beautiful Daniel.

loosed by Winter’s bow
skein of Canada Geese heading south;
feathered arrows

Love

Grace

Hi daniel and Cybele

I have just noticed this senyru thread and thought I'd join in, as I have written a few which I think are senryu.

This is one I think Daniel has read before


tears can bathe the soul;
cleansing rivulets will heal,
life’s dirt washed away.

deep scars may remain
where festering sores have burst;
time will overcome.


Hope I've done it right!


Snow

Yipee,    :dance:  Snow's come out to play,

Lovely to see you here Eisa.

QUOTE

tears can bathe the soul;
cleansing rivulets will heal,
life’s dirt washed away.


deep scars may remain
where festering sores have burst;
time will overcome.

You know that both pieces have touched my heart Eisa, beautiful!

Love Grace

wounds may disappear
with tender love’s oversight;
healing takes its time

[b]Good morning Daniel,

QUOTE

wounds may disappear
with tender love’s oversight;
healing takes its time

Thank you for the lovely thought. First thing I saw this morning.

blind beggar;
stick tapping on stones
worn by its touch

Love

Grace

Thank you, my friend!  

QUOTE

blind beggar;
stick  tapping on stones
worn remember his touch

... and I feel this piece painfully clearly, but try as I might, I cannot see the meaning of the last line...tap, tap, tap ???

Fine Lady, he yields,
me worn old rememberer
feels numbed by your lines

Lightly, Daniel  

Sorry Daniel,  

I woke at 4.30am and couldn't get back to sleep. This was a very early posting and I put in the wrong words from my workpad.

I have now changed it. Hope it reads better?    

rosy-cheeked dawn;
in the summer house,
breakfast with Bizet

Love

Grace

I KNEW there must have been something amiss, Grace.  Thank you for substantiating further my confidence in your clarity!  

Now you can share with me the nuance of specifying one Bizet?  I'm sure that's special in some way.  K?

Here's my impressionistic follow-up:

dazed by trazodone,
grey cheeks mirror cold window;
breakfast with Eileen

Lightly unshaven, Daniel  

Hello Daniel,

dazed by trazodone,
grey cheeks mirror cold window;
breakfast with Eileen

This is oh, so poignant Daniel. Is it based on truth? It speaks to me of a very tender love for Eileen. Hauntingly beautiful.

Now to Georges Bizet. I love opera Daniel and I have a CD of Bizet's 'Carmen' with my favourite singer Placido Domindo singing the lead role of Don Jose.  My sons built me a summer house in my minuscule back garden and on sunny mornings I love to sit in the  sunshine drinking coffee and listening to that glorious voice. The summerhouse faces due East so I am bathed in sunshine from about 6am onwards. It is my haven of peace.

Singapore monsoon;
barefoot in the garden
I wash my hair

Love

Grace

Thank you so much, Grace.  Yes, it was the very moment as I was writing, just before moving into the kitchen to actually see my unshaven face in the window while eating a cheese omelet with wheat toast and apricot preserves, while Eileen had her raisin bran. We had apple juice... and I generally don't drink coffee at home, but am in charge of the coffee pot at work.

Your 'summer house' sounds enchanting. Might I assume that it is not what we'd call a 'house'?  Whatever it is, it sounds downright enchanting!

... and your Sing-a-pour piece is even more enchanting.  I think you've almost slipped quite wonderfully into haiku... as I believe you did a few senryu back.  Whether you did or not, it's a beautiful piece of poetry... and the form is identical!

donning Army greys
he stares down a brisk fall wind;
window keeps him warm

sLightly snug, Daniel  

Hello Daniel,

QUOTE

donning Army greys
he stares down a brisk fall wind;
window keeps him warm

I am intrigued by this piece Daniel. I see this as someone getting into uniform and staring out of the window before venturing into the cold day ?

Do I assume you are in what we call over here the Territorial Army (or Army Reserve i.e a week-end soldier?)

African village:
child carries the moon home
in a  rusty bucket

Love

Grace

<font color='#000000'>Thank you for the response, Grace.  I'm glad that the piece engenders that picture as well as the one that I intended... only slightly different.

The Army greys are the workout or PT (Pysical Training) uniform.  I find it quite comfortable to wear about the house, so I had donned the long-sleeve set and was portraying myself as though I was literally staring down the wind ready to head into it on a run... but actually staring at it through the warmth of a window... kind of as in your summer house... and going nowhere.

Here in the US there is the Regular or Active Army, the Army Reserve, and the Army National Guard.  The latter, though part of the "One Army" system is also capable of being activated by each state at the will of the governor for State Active Duty... which often happens during disasters, floods, etc.  

Over 3000 from our NJ Army National Guard, however, are presently serving on Active Duty in places like Iraq, Eastern Europe, Afghanistan and the Sinai, plus here guarding bases and such in the U.S.  I am the only NJ Army Guard chaplain stateside from NJ at present besides one who serves on "Title 10" Active duty at Ft. Dix nearby.  The others are with their troops overseas or training to go there.  We're a bit stretched, honestly.

I've not been eligible to do PT for the past two years, but I was medically cleared to resume it a few months ago... which also makes me eligible to be deployed, the medical officer reminded me!

Your excellent piece (somehow) brought this image to my twisted mind:

alcoholic home;
dad trips over son’s toy pail,
then kicks the bucket

Light hugz, Daniel  </font>

Hey Daniel and Grace

You are both very good at this, and I am enjoying learning from your vast array of talent here.

Here's one I wrote when I was thinking about my autistic son


disability
first appearances deceive
look beyond the shell

peel the layers away
search deep inside the kernel
- the essence is found.


Snow

Hey, Snow!  Great to have you drop in to learn along with us.  

I think this is an excellent pair of senryu, substantially.  I only see an extra syllable and an unnecessary use of the passive voice.  As you suggested yourself elsewhere, you may punctuate differently too.

Here's a possible:

disability:
first appearances deceive;
look beyond the shell

peel (the) layers away;
search deep inside the kernel
(-) to find the essence (is found.)
Whatcha think, Snow?  ... and Grace?

sharin' a bit o' Light, Daniel  

Good morning Daniel,

QUOTE

alcoholic home;
dad trips over son’s toy pail,
then kicks the bucket

Three emotions in two thoughts!  dread, comic revenge, dead!!!  

This one really stirs the emotions doesn't it? Fascinating Daniel.

our favourite walk;
long autumn shadows
but where is yours ?

Love

Grace

Why! good morning Eisa,      

How lovely to see you here.

Daniel will tell you that I easily get confused around this forum, so I will wait for you to reply to his crit before jumping in and joining the melee

It's lovely to see you here. I have fallen in love with Japanese verse and spend a great deal of time here. My mind doesn't seem able to cope with a longer poem at present, so I keep myself busy this way!!

I will be back when you have replied. I hope the sun is shining in your world my friend.

Love

Grace

Now that is a fascinating one, Grace! Methinks you're talking with your husband today?  This is a heart-stopper, my friend.  I quietly applaud.

If I'm correct in my assumption, with some adjustments you could transform this into the first katauta of a mondo... and reply with comforting words from your memory of your beloved.  Whatcha think?  Whatever you do, this is a keeper!

chilly fall mourning
tracing buildings through a fog;
London derrière

© MLee Dickens'son 27 Oct 2004

Now, as to Snow's piece... since when do you have no independent opinion?!  And when did this become a melee?!  Ain't nobody here tryin' to decapitate the pride o' no soldiers battlin' it out!  We's jest larnin' together, m'Lady!

melee-mouthed

no battle royal,
no plumage to de-helmet;
just chicken feathers

© MLee Dickens'son 27 Oct 2004

P.S.  Pardon me faux-ku; if'n ya decapitates it, ya gets a senryu!

sLightly cheekily with tongue firmly implanted therein, Daniel  

Hello Daniel,

QUOTE

Now that is a fascinating one, Grace! Methinks you're talking with your husband today?  This is a heart-stopper, my friend.  I quietly applaud.

If I'm correct in my assumption, with some adjustments you could transform this into the first katauta of a mondo... and reply with comforting words froom your memory of your beloved.  Whatcha think?  Whatever you do, this is a keeper

A very good idea Daniel.  Will do that. Yes, I talk to him all the time, just as if he were here, and generally I feel that he is ~ but occasionally I think he goes walkabout, and I suddenly feel bereft. Then, at my lowest I feel a sudden warmth and know that he has returned to me.

QUOTE

chilly fall mourning
tracing buildings through a fog;
London derrière

A very rare occurrence now since the smokeless fuel law was introduced years ago Daniel. We called it smog (smoke and fog).

QUOTE

Now, as to Snow's piece... since when do you have no independent opinion?!  And when did this become a melee?!  Ain't nobody here tryin' to decapitate the pride o' no soldiers battlin' it out!  We's jest larnin' together, m'Lady!

Just thought I would let Eisa digest your suggestions first yankee doodle pal of mine

Love

Grace

I know, Grace.  Just practicin' with my epee on ya!

... and did you not see the allusion to "Londonderry Air"  Do I have to write about the London Dairy air to get your attention? ... or were you just snubbing your Brit nose at this Yankee's thoughts?  :read:

splashing at the air
epeeing tirelessly;
stress relieved

streaming away Lightly, Daniel  :sun:

Ha Ha Daniel,  

QUOTE

... and did you not see the allusion to "Londonderry Air"  Do I have to write about the London Dairy air to get your attention? ... or were you just snubbing your Brit nose at this Yankee's thoughts?

 

Now would I do a thing like that my friend.  No I was only thinking of the backside of London, which I am always very glad to see when returning to the glories of Somerset.  I missed the Londonderry air. one of my favourite songs too!! How remiss of me.

QUOTE

splashing at the air
epeeing tirelessly;
stress relieved

This, on the other hand is not quite as subtle I feel.  

Here is another one for you to get you teeth into Daniel.  

nuns after mass;
clustered together, heads bowed
critiquing the sermon

Love

Grace


P.S Am just going to post the solo/mondo as suggested.

Here you are Daniel,

Have fun!

first frosty morning;
I find long-lost sunglasses
where are my gloves?

Love

Grace

QUOTE

nuns after mass;
clustered together, heads bowed
critiquing the sermon

Now that is one to chew on a bit!  

none is so cloistered
that she'd not turn on frier;
grit battered chicken

QUOTE

first frosty morning;
I find long-lost sunglasses
where are my gloves?

hmmmm

secretly dipped gloves
in fat to smear sunglasses;
finger-lickin' gooed

sLightly blurry, Daniel