the current is my captain
I wave to you with sea spray in my hair
against the moon
we used to dream under
up on the top of Wakefield ave.
when we were prisoners of the buildings and cement
stroke your child's hair for me
as I caress the stars
wrapped up in the blanket you gave me,
before I go to sleep
I always wonder what gusts of wind keep your head down now
I never could lift it up off the street
remember our laughter though Charlie
how it bathed us in warmth
in the blizzards of our regrets
sometimes when the sun hits the water right
I swear I see your smile
I just wanted you to know
it stretches out far across the sea
as wide as I remember it

I like this dflore, my only nit for now is the punctuation. I would suggest you get rid of it completely. Very nicely done.

Sergio

I concur with Sergio re the punctuation, either full or nothing.

Otherwise, an excellent remembery. In places a tad too personal perhaps - it left me on the outside, a little frustrated at not being invited in - as if the speaker is talking to privately to someone else. Is the speaker talking to Charlie or about Charlie? The Title infers the former but in the text the latter.

Good work!

Cheers,

Wally

D---

a free and windy role---that i liked.

meditative, too. the "charlie" of the title still living on Wakefield ave. prisoner of the buildings and cement.

nice detail.

wished this didn't end and start like this:


we used to dream under
up


seemed wrong and stopped the flow for me.


compare that with this easy rhythm:


the current is my captain
I wave to you with sea spray in my hair


and a satisfying close:



I just wanted you to know
it stretches out far across the sea
as wide as I remember it


good job.


ben