Excellent, Daniel; Thank you.

What amazes me is not only your ability with these rhymes, not only the quality which your produce - but also the speed with which you are able to write them.

Very clever end-of line twists, too.

Well done Daniel - I enjoyed this.

Now, if only we could bring that other Lennon saying to reality...

"Happy Christmas, War Is Over."

James.

Writing blisters
Lennon Sisters;
were they knighting
blisters writing?

They're not his kin?
Well, that's a sin,
'cause they were hot;
his kin they’re not?

Could Sir Lennon
place his pen on
olive branch wood?
Sure, Lennon could!

Snow would relieve
the pain.  Don't grieve.
His fall it should
relieve; snow would.

driftin' Lightly, Daniel  :sun:

Two more excellent Swap Q's Daniel!

HUGS!
Cleo :pharoah2

Hi All,

Daniel I loved your Krank SQ...Well done! Let's see if I can get my juices flowing... hmmmm--


I have no list this Christmas year,
no games to ask...I have my share.
I only want a Princes' kiss
this Christmas year...I have no list.

A peck so sweet with tenderness
is all I need...I must confess
I have no use for gems petite
[italic]With tenderness, a peck so sweet. [/italic]

Last year, I yearned a dozen blooms
to be the bride for handsome grooms
come only once in life I've learned
A dozen blooms, last year I yearned.

All Christmas day I'll wait for him
and hope that Santa fills my whim,
with kisses sweet and surely sway
I'll wait for him all Christmas day.

Excellent SQ Liz!

Now come on back again real soon!

HUGS!
Cleo

Hi Lori,

I just read your "This One Thing" What a amazing poem! This is a great Form...and it surely swells the muse! Thank you for creating it...




Dear Lord I prayed, forgive my deeds,
the angry thoughts that ought not be
and thinking I'd been betrayed.
Forgive my deeds, Dear lord I prayed.

These things; we should be grateful for...
the sunny days, the rain...the shore
my quiet time and all it brings.
We should be grateful for these things.

As time goes by, the day soon nears
when judge and jury purge my fears.
We'll see the light in angel eyes
The day soon nears, as time goes by.

Thank you Liz.

Your new post above reminds me a Hope and despair, with Hope prevailing (for real I hope)...

A touching piece...

I surely like a quatrain swapped,
it's poetry for which I'll opt.
If bard, I'd card a big pay hike,
a quatrain swapped I surely like.

Massage each word with loving touch.
Elate the reader, least that much.
This form is norm if joy's preferred,
with loving touch massage each word.

An extra twist did Lori add?
The sonnet's now but just a fad!
A style that I'll for e'er persist.
Did Lori add an extra twist?

Would you prefer for line 11, "A style that I'll no more resist"?

Tee hee!

What a FAB SQ Ron! WOW - in the same breath as a sonnet too - thank you very much!

If you are asking - I like your alternate line a tad more....  :wink:

I'm behind on my weekly posts too  - must write a newbie soon!

Cheers!
~Cleo :pharoah2

Hi Ron -

What a good show - well done.

I prefer your alternative, too because it contains a full word.

It's good to see Lori's Swap Q kingdom grow

James.

(Swampy Q is rite chuffed, too - you can ignore that Ron; I'm barking).

Dear James,
Us statesiders may have difficulty understanding "rite chuffed". Over here our worst one may be "he is well off" which to one learning
English totally stumps him. Prithee, what's rite chufrfed?
Just in case, well off means financial good shape.
Cheers,    jgd

I thought to write,
though it was trite;
but still I ought
to write, I thought.

Well, here I go,
but it is slow;
does it appear
I go well here?

Don’t care when I
don’t seem to fly;
I lose my flair
when I don’t care.

I’ve done my job,
though it’s a blob
of words and fun;
my job I’ve done.

Wow, Daniel, now a concise form! Wonderful!

Jgd, "rite chuffed" means very pleased.

Fran

Hi All,

Daniel - well done. Swampy Q smiles on you, too.

Fran - thank for the translation; appreciated.

Ron - Hi and apologies. Fran has already translated. "Rite" is a regional spoken variation of "right." So you might also see "right chuffed," though it is a Derbyshire / Yorkshire phrase so "rite" is more likely.

Apropos "well off," - it is a term very much in everyday usage over here and one I've known well all my life. I didn't realise it confused anyone. Over here it means what you said, or to put it in another piece of British slang, it often means "stinking rich." That's how some of my socialist friends would define all wealth - and I might too. (Especially as most of those friends are better off than I). Long live the revolution! (though I'm not sure which one to support - I quite like the agrarian one but it seems I'm a few centuries too late).

James.

The Winter’s Long

My feet are cold?  My lips are warm;
how could I cause you any harm?
Is snuggling under here too bold?
My lips are warm; my feet are cold.

I’ll soon be snoring; read your book
while I give Leno one more look.
It’s really not that you are boring.
Read your book; I’ll soon be snoring.

When I wake up, you’ll wake up too,
and maybe you won’t feel so blue.
If I should fill your loving cup,
you’ll wake up too, when I wake up.

My days are short; the winter’s long.
You are the place where I belong.
I hope I’m not the last resort;
the winter’s long.  My days are short.

© MLee Dickens’son 21 Jan 2005

Hi Daniel...

LOL

Amazing how sensual igloo-living can be!

Well that's my take - of your enjoyable SQ.

James.

What a lovely poem Daniel!

I'm glad to have read it!

Cheers!
Cleo :pharoah2

Hi Lori,

I decided to give the Swap Quatrain a try.

This was inspired by the headache I had when I was thinking about what to write.  By the time the poem was finished, the headache had thankfully gone.

Migraine

I’m feeling ill, my head is thumping,
held in a vice with hammers jumping;
fetch me water, a little pink pill,
my head is thumping, I’m feeling ill.

I must lie down, nausea’s rising,
darkened room the doc’s advising;
head kept still so it won’t pound,
nausea’s rising, I must lie down

I’m feeling fine the pain is gone,
tentatively the battle now won;
In future I’ll avoid red wine,
the pain is gone, I’m feeling fine.

Nina

Hi Nina,

A brilliant addition to the thread. Painfully true.

Hm ... I suppose I should have posted my prehistoric version here, too - but I knew mine needs a lot of critting.  

Best wishes,

Fran

Hi Fran

Thanks.  There is of course nothing stopping you posting your dinosaur remains here as well.  Mine probably could do critting as well, I'm not very confident at forms.

Nina

Hi Nina,

I might stick my SQ in here when I'm content it is reasonable - it is so much better already for the help from yourself, Alan and James.  Thanks.

I read somewhere (don't I hate it when people start a sentance like that?) that Q ought to have 8 syllables each line (whatever that is called) but I see various types and line lengths in this thread.

Maybe there are a few lines in your poem where the count differs - might be worth a good look? You could ask for crits here (I think - it is an education forum - and crits are educational?)???? or add it to Hermia's if you want comments.

Fran

Hi Fran

I am hopeless when it comes to counting syllables which is one the reasons I never usually try forms.

Nina

Hi Nina.

Well done! An excellent poem - your first SQ.

This strikes a chord with me... when I was a teenager I had many headaches like this - though mine were sinus. I had to lie down in a dark room and no tablets had any effect. Analgesics helped a little - enabled me to sleep but I needed that to kill it. The nausea is a big factor. So, very well done this seemed on the button for me.

James.

PS Just seen your reply to Fran... Syllables - me too!

James.

Hi James and thanks

I hope you no longer get such problems with your sinuses.  I started getting migraines when I was about 6 years old and I was usually sick, then I felt better.  My poor mum often had to take me home from school and I spent a lot of time in the medical room.
Now I make sure that as soon as I feel a headache coming on I swallow some tablets and then I avoid having to lie down and go to sleep.  

Nina

Hi Nina,

Thank you!

Much improved these days, thank you. Glad that you too have a solution now.

TTFN,

James.

Well, will you allow the site Headache to plow in his two scents here after this very lively discussion?

Migraine Paradox

My grain is corn,
but I’ll not mourn
because its strain
is scorn… migraine.

My doc - icy
and quite pricey –
but though I balk,
I see my doc.

Some parodox
that long white frocks
enhance that flair
o’ Docs; some pair!

His fare I pay
‘cause it’s my way
there… anywhere;
I pay. He's fair.

We know each field
will have its yield.
Headache to sow
each field? We know.

© Daniel J Ricketts 19 Feb 2005

Well done, Daniel

(Though I had to copy and paste to a word-processor, in order to read it - very pale orange on my screen). Your font colour may be the site headache - but you most certainly are not.

An interesting SQ... I'm just grateful that I don't have to pay my doctor (or hospital) when I need treatment. I couldn't afford to pay for health care and don't think people should have to. (At the point-of-use, that is).

I don't know if you are the subject of the poem - but if you are - good luck!

James.

Thanks for your reassurance, James...

I'm not a farmer by any stretch of the imagination... but I did allow my imagination to stretch a bit for this... to fit the theme of the previous posts.  Glad to see other trying their hand to Lori's creation.  I've done some of the standard pieces, of course, but I've come to enjoy the fun of these little ditties in Iambic Dimeter [ daDUMdaDUM (or a slight variant thereof) ].

Our nation's medical policy has a long way to go... in whatever direction.  I might not even be moving about these days at all if I'd not had insurance... and I'm glad for a decent dental coverage through Eileen's work that far surpasses my work's for my four visits over the past month... with one to go!

Lightly trippin' off daDUMdaDUMly, Daniel  :sun:

Well done Nina!  :grinning:

I can SOOOO relate to your plea!

I'm glad the migraine has passed, and you were able to create this masterpiece!  :wizard:

Hi Fran.

No, there is no specific requirement on syllabic count for SQ - it's a recommendation to use beats of four though...  :wink:

The eights are my favorite - their called 'pentameter'....  :galadriel:

Well done Daniel!  :sun:

I should try dimeter - that seems HARD to me!  :nazgul:

Is it simple to view it as cutting your thoughts in half?

Thank you, Lori...

Here's another one that may need some more work:

seasoned lumberjack

awaits the fall –
pine tree, so tall –
whose needles’ fates
the fall awaits...

slumber winter
lest it splinter
it gets number...
winter’s lumber

cool green will spring
once icy fling
ends; spry limbs, lean
will spring cool green

arise; bright sun
won’t be outdone…
lest cloud denies
bright sun a rise

can’t close your eyes
for beddie-byes;
don working clothes...
your eyes can’t close

© Daniel J Ricketts 26 March 2005

You are very good at these Daniel.

I  still plan to try these shorter metered ones. Is it dimeter?

dimeter it is, yes...

and thank you, Lori!  I love the form... whether in tetrameter, trimeter or dimeter.  I don't think I've done one in pentameter yet, but I'm sure I'll give it a shot... in time.

deLightingly, Daniel  

Till Death Do Us Part

Their vows were kept for forty years,
through venerating moments, tears
of sorrow, joy and pain. They wept
for forty years, their vows were kept.

They fell in love, beneath the moon
when she was young, and he could swoon
the heavens high and stars above...
beneath the moon, they fell in love.

The children grew in mother's light
she raised them well, and taught them right.
He worked real hard- she always knew-
in mother's light the children grew.

Their lives at times, when sorrow filled
with death disease and financial ills;
and struggles stole away their prime...
when sorrow filled their lives at times.

One winter's morn he passed away,
leaving a family--in dismay.
The memories are frayed and torn-
he passed away one winter's morn.

ejd@ Oct 31st, 2005

QUOTE (AMETHYST @ Oct. 31 2005, 11:13)

Till Death Do Us Part
...
ejd@ Oct 31st, 2005

What a wonderful poem Liz!

Their vows were kept for forty years,
through venerating moments, tears
of sorrow, joy and pain. They wept
for forty years, their vows were kept.

What a very telling opening!

They fell in love, beneath the moon
when she was young, and he could swoon
the heavens high and stars above...
beneath the moon, they fell in love.

Oh - I love the image of swooning the heavens and stars! L1 and L4 are so lovely as well!

The children grew in mother's light
she raised them good, and taught them right.
He worked real hard- she always knew-
in mother's light the children grew.

Perhaps - she raised them well in L2?   The image here of the children coming into play now in this stanza shows the transition through the relationship - love L4!

Their lives at times, when sorrow filled
with death disease and financial ills;
and struggles stole away their prime...
when sorrow filled their lives at times.

Oh - the trials and tribulations, weathering the storms.

One winter's morn he passed away,
leaving a family--in dismay.
The memories are frayed and torn-
he passed away one winter's morn.

Oh - how sad! A memorable and wonderful SQ Liz! :medal:

Hey Lori,  Thank you for the wonderful feedback. I especially like the suggested change from good to well. I was hoping this would be a good poem to include in the chapbook. :) I think your poetry forms you've created are absolute fitting forms to express the feelings and thoughts I've been wanting to share.

Hugs to you... Liz

The Hour Comes

When I have time to write, I think
some inner strands drift into sync
to utter things that give me fright.
I think… when I have time to write

about whatever’s going on
in front of me, in dewy dawn,
when thunder claps, or in a drought…
whatever’s going on about.

I sometimes feel forgotten wisps
of memory; they stammer, lisp
near-visibly… almost congeal
forgotten wisps I sometimes feel.

I can’t decide who’s whispering,
or shouting, laughing, whimpering
where joy and pain somehow collide.
Who’s whispering? I can’t decide.

The hour comes I have to go….
I wonder if I’ll ever know
what went on when I sucked my thumb….
I have to go. The hour comes.

© MLee Dickens’son 03 May 2006

Very good SQ Daniel!



These two really stand out - I feel and think these thoughts too...

When I have time to write, I think
some inner strands drift into sync
to utter things that give me fright.
I think… when I have time to write

about whatever’s going on
in front of me, in dewy dawn,
when thunder claps, or in a drought…
whatever’s going on about.

Well done!
~Cleo

Thanks, LorII... that says a lot to me. I'm pleased... and not surprised... that you identify. I been watchin' ya for a long time now!

deLightin'ly, Dan'l

Just catching up a bit and enjoying these.

Some wonderful SQs on here.

Fran

This form's not norm for bards of yore,
so I implore, just think "de jour".
Think clement time and not of storm.
For bards of yore this form's not norm.

Is what I found a turnaround?
From hate to love, I like the sound!
As love is king, let king be crowned.
A turnaround is what I found.

These words return as do most birds,
they form a loop, a belt that girds.
To write them well, I long will yearn.
As do most birds, these words return.

3/23/05 orig.
8/3/06 repost

Profound words indeed, Ron! I love the painting of the circle you have created in this fine SQ! And for your 'de jour'...

Attempt To Swap

I'll try to rhyme this little piece,
so not the English language fleece
and yet attempt to keep in time;
this little piece I'll try to rhyme.

A somersault per verse, I see
in first and last it seems to be.
Attempt to do one without fault,
per verse I see a somersault.

A Swap Quatrain; this is my first,
yet as I wrote - my words reversed.
So please don't overly complain,
this is my first; a Swap Quatrain.

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Aug2006

and to those who ever improve it by sharing it!

I love it, Cat! I've played with it a little in the crit forum too!

I think Ron meant to post this in THIS forum, so at least I can quote him here ere he or thee delete it!


... and I agree, Ron!

deLightingly, Daniel

Hi Everyone,

My I love what everyone is posting. You all have me tempted to bring out muse again--even though he has been weary and at at his best...

But here goes...


Untitled, For Now...


It didn't happen over years. I know
you probably believe that this is so,
but growing old begins with all your fears.
I know it didn't happen over years.

One evening just before I went to bed,
a flicker of a fright had filled my head-
by morn, I woke with nothing to believe in...
Just before I went to bed, one evening.

I once loved everything...I lived and cared,
perhaps too bold, too brave! Too many dared
to take for granted what kindness will bring.
I lived and cared, I once loved everything.

I never thought so quick, our lives could change
in just one moment, life can rearrange...
A heart once full, now blank...so filled with naught.
so quick, our lives could change. I never thought!

The Giving Spirit

When I was young I learned to give,
appreciate, and then forgive
ill-mannered kids; I held my tongue…
I learned to give when I was young.

At times, it was so hard to do
especially when tantrums flew
among the spoiled children’s crimes;
it was so hard to do at times.

I bought, then wrapped, a pretty doll
and brought her to the festive Mall
for ‘Tiny Tot’, allowance scrapped;
a pretty doll I bought, then wrapped.

I walked with mum, in Santa’s hat
and passed a girl, she was a brat!
She tried to steal my gift, what scum!
In Santa’s hat, I walked with mum.

An orphaned boy stood by the box
as big as me – it had no locks!
I gave my gift, I understood:
by the box, an orphaned boy stood.

I waved to him; he smiled at me;
our spirits soared with Christmas glee.
No longer did he look so grim…
he smiled at me. I waved to him.

Oh my goodness Lori this is very, very strong poem. Well written. Perhaps in L1 in S5, a small typo

should it be 'an orphaned boy...'

I love this poem! Love it, love it!

Hugs, Liz

Thanks Liz - yep, I had a typo there - thanks for the heads up!

Glad you enjoyed!

~Cleo