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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Poetry Education -> Karnak Crossing
Cleo_Serapis
Hi all, eowyn.gif

As we did for the Robert Frost's 'Stopping By Woods' poem, here's another challenge to post. I just used this poem for this week's Times Ten and figured it might make for some interesting responses here.

Once again, using Tolkien's poem below, create your own using the same end words and format as his. If you'd like, try an alternate format too and post it here as well.

The words are: think, seen, butterflies, been / gossamer, were, sun, hair / think, be, spring, see / things, seen, spring, green / think, ago, world, know / think, before, feet, door.

Good luck!
~Cleo galadriel.gif


QUOTE
I Sit and Think


I sit beside the fire and think
of all that I have seen,
of meadow-flowers and butterflies
in summers that have been;

Of yellow leaves and gossamer
in autumns that there were,
with morning mist and silver sun
and wind upon my hair.

I sit beside the fire and think
of how the world will be
when winter comes without a spring
that I shall never see.

For still there are so many things
that I have never seen:
in every wood in every spring
there is a different green.

I sit beside the fire and think
of people long ago,
and people who will see a world
that I shall never know.

But all the while I sit and think
of times there were before,
I listen for returning feet
and voices at the door.

arwen.gif JRR Tolkien aragorn.gif
Alan
I WALK IN WOODS

I walk in local woods and think
of many places seen
of warriors, pinned butterflies
and life-times that I’ve been

Of finest dress of gossamer
or poor rags that some were
the strangest moons, or foreign sun
and winds upon my fur

I walk in local woods and think
of how these worlds could be
where there’s no winter, summer, spring
no change for eye to see

And still so many unknown things
despite what I have seen
in each heart there is always spring
though my sere skin be green

I walk in local woods and think
of planets long ago
of others who’ll see many worlds
that I can never know

Yes, all the while I walk, I think
of times that went before
and hope still for far-future feet
as I close my last door ....

Alan McAlpine Douglas
Cleo_Serapis
Well done Alan! claps.gif

I've enjoyed your take on the challenge and how quickly you penned this!

Thanks!
~Cleo gimli.gif
Alan
Dear Lori,

Thank you - you probably know I soak up challenges like this !

Love
Alan
Cleo_Serapis
LOL.gif Alan - I was just thinking of a pun:

I sit upon my ass and think
of all the weight I've seen,
gone: the lightness of butterflies
and bikinis that once had been;

of tiny strings and gossamer
smooth-as-silk legs there were,
tanning in the summer’s hot sun
that bleached my blondish hair.

I sit upon my ass and think
of how things came to be
when years ago, I had my spring
in step -- I yearn to see.

In life there are so many things
that most have never seen;
tough workouts now control my spring
where pockets are less green.

I sit upon my ass and think
of me from long ago,
and how I've changed, and too, this world
I live and grasp to know.

And all the while I sit and think
of how I was before,
I wouldn’t trade these aging feet
and sprint on out the door.


Oo.gif running.gif
Larry
Oh Lori, laugh.gif rofl.gif

I suppose emulation isn't the only form of "fattery". I needed a chuckle this morning and have found that and a few laughs, as well. My reply to the challenge is below without nearly as much introspection (unless, as the poem's title suggests, Butterflies think).


Larry
Larry
Butterfly Thoughts

I wonder if the flowers think
or if they’ve ever seen
fat bumble-bees and us, butterflies,
go after we have been.

Inviting petals, gossamer,
fill spring as if they were
sent down on beams from golden sun;
food proffered on their hair.

I wonder if the flowers think
how barren it would be
if no one came to them each spring
to feed or mate or see

their beauty. Many other things
I’d rather have not seen
than flowers blooming every spring;
brightening fields of green.

I wonder if the flowers think
of last years long ago;
when mothers painted all the world.
I guess I’ll never know.

But as I taste their gifts I think
I’d rather die before
they’re gone; crushed by uncaring feet
and nature shuts the door.
Alan
Dear Lori and Larry,

Two more excellent replies.

Lori, a very brave self-exploration.

Larry, you could usefully ditch a whole swarm of commas, tho !

Love
Alan
Cleo_Serapis
Glad you enjoyed my 'fat poem', Larry and Alan! rofl.gif

A lovely reply Larry, your Butterflies response - I might tackle this one again with a serious mindset! cloud9.gif

Your ending is so poignant - funny how we 'forget' so quickly the beauty underneath our feet?

Cheers,
Lori pharoah2.gif
Alan
Dear Lori,

Your phrase re your poem is not one that any gentleman could possibly have let pass his lipos, nor even his mind.

Love
Alan
jgdittier
The challenge responses above deserve more comment and praise and since I advocate the fact that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, (no fattery) I hope to flatter accordingly.

"I Sat and Thought"

The hist'ry book is food I think,
its value soon is seen
beyond the world of butterflies,
of man and all he's been.

No print on thinnest gossamer
can tell of all we were,
or all the days that saw the sun
from time man lost his hair.

The hist'ry book is food I think,
pure nourishment it be.
From ev'ry page new truth will spring
so even blind can see.

The human zoo includes all things
the wise still haven't seen
and from their minds their thoughts will spring
from grey to Nature's green.

Oh! what a source for all who think,
and care of times ago.,
whose ken extends beyond this world
to what we'll never know.

And so until we cease to think
of what has come before,
let's use our heads and not our feet
before that final door.
Alan
Dear Ron,

Excellent.

One Q :

so even blind can see.

could be more naturally stated as

even the blind can see. Thoughts ?

Love
Alan
Cleo_Serapis
What a lovely response to the challenge Ron!

Glad you joined in, I am fond of this here poem!

Well done!
~Cleo claps.gif
jgdittier
Dear Alan,
The poet has to decide his priorities. Modern poets place great emphasis on message and proper usage. As I think of my status as being a verser, I place more emphasis on form
and the one element of form being flow.
I set out planning on ballad stanza, -/-/-/-/,-/-/-/,-/-/-/-/,-/-/-/.
My first thought was change "and" to "now" so as to read "now even blind can read". That still displeases those who need that "the".
Another choice is "so those who're blind can see". This maintains the intended beat but may displease those who object to the contraction. Furthermore, the line above contains a deliberate exaggeration, the "truth springing from the page". The springing was intended to explain why even (the) blind could see.
Perhaps there will be a better resolution yet to come.
Cheers, Ron jgd
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