Whence commeth thee, so young and free,
You ovine adolescent?
Set heart to beat and mouth to eat,
In lea where you are present.

Gave woolen coat, a silken throat,
Your presence man's delight...
You like He, together be,
Sharing Holy Light.

6 lines expanded to 8...
Can you ID the poet and link to the mystery poem?

the mystery poem has 20 lines, the para covered only the first 6

Ron,
You stumped me on several fronts; I guess I am not as well-read as I should be. I am anxious to see if someone here can identify the designated author that you flattered with your composition.
JLY

I've got it but will pm you so that others can try.

Nice one, Ron.


my best,

Michelle

Dear Michelle,
I don't think I get pm.
Congratulations!
How 'bout furnishing a clue that will prove later that you were right but let the puzzle run another day?
Cheers, Ron jgd

By Blakey, I think she's got it!

Now Ron, don't go telling us you don't have pm out east there. When it's a.m. in the west, it's gotta be p.m. back where you are!

Merlin

Dear jgdittier,

My guess, thanks to Merlin, is "The Lamb" by William Blake.

http://rpo.library.utoronto.ca/poem/181.html

Hi Ron,

Cute poem!

Two quick ones (I'm at work so time is short):
You should be able to edit any of your posts by simply clicking on that post's EDIT button, all gold members can do this, please confirm you can. Second, you also have access to PM's as a gold member - it's up on the right hand side of your log in bar (under our logo). One of the links up there says; Personal Messages. You can also access it by clicking on the link up there that says: My Control Panel. I can go over this if you want, but nothing has been changed with your log in access.

PLease confirm both.

Thankies
Lori

P.S. If you are not seeking critiques for these recent para poems, then they should be posted in Plato's Pearls as that is the non-crit poetry forum. If you like, I can move them there, let me know.

SHOOT!!! I did it again. Totally finished offering something meaningful to you and hit the wrong button. When that happens, the whole thing disappears, and the back button doesn't work for me in my present status, bringing up an "Expired" notice, so, POOF... it's gone. ^{Patience, Daniel, Patience!}

Should we assume that Don is correct about Blake? If so, I'm at a loss to know how Eric gave him a clue! [ Sheesh. I don't know how many times I read "Blakey" and didn't pick up on it! Never mind... DUHH! ] They must speak a different language, though I'm not surprised that either the two of them or Michelle would come up with it!

You have considerably changed the pace and meter in your representation, and of course also the rhyme scheme if they're correct, but you did say that you expanded the first six lines into your eight, so I think you've done a fine job in your tribute. Let me see if I can offer a bit of assistance with your use of the Elizabethan 2nd person singular and maybe a grammatical change?


Again, if Don's right, is this what you're offering tribute to:


Elder Ron, thou gavest
us a chore; the bravest
had to band together tight
hoping we could get it right.
Thou hast clothed Blake's poem well!
Hear our fond applause now swell.

deLightingly, Daniel

Hi Daniel,

Since I've noticed you commenting in many threads about 'clicking the wrong button', might I suggest that BEFORE you click ANY buttons, you do a select all (Ctrl + A) or just highlight your reply and then a Copy (Ctrl + C) - that way, if you DO click the wrong button, you can click "add reply" again and then just PASTE in your copied info - Ctrl + V ....

I know, Lori... and I've done that several times... but in this case I was about to do that and in the process of scanning it to copy, my mouse clicked on something, and POOF! It was too late. Nada!

I'm looking forward to being 'normal' again whenever it pleases y'all... so in the meantime I'll just plod along as best I can.

Love in Light, Daniel

Hello Daniel,

Although this is not the place to discuss this, I am wondering what kind of problem you are having clicking the 'right' button to post. Your moderator preview status does not in any way effect how you make a post so I am quite confused. So I would like to understand your above comment better -

Are you saying because your post are not immediately posted to the thread that you are clicking on the back button for some unknown reason? ...

Please clarify this - and then I will delete these posts from this thread.

Thank you...

Liz

Dear JLY,
Few folks know them without digging. Take heart!

Dear Merlin,
Hints are always in season.

Dear Cleo,
I'm now aware of pm and it works.
When I try to edit my initial posting clicking on either edit box yields a small box with a y in it and then nothing else.

Dear Don,
You're right with Blake.

Dear Cleo,
It is true that few who read these tributes critique the form of my version. However, they are free to do so and I do read and modify accordingly. If they don't go to nits, I still know they have read it and may accordingly have broadened their knowledge and thus poetry is served.
I prefer to use this thread.
As to Daniel's critique, he has improved my effort greatly and I adopt each of his suggestions.

Dear Daniel,
I type one-fingered and I have a tendency to comment longer than before. I also seem to have a large number or my responses erased and not recovered by "back" and so we
should commiserate together.

Cheers to all, ron jgd

Hi Ron,

This is an excellent puzzle poem. I have to admit, although I have read Whitman's poem before, it didn't come to mind but once I reread it and your poem, I felt embarassed as I could not understand how I could have missed it. It is so clear and so perfectly entwined.

Of course no nits... Would you like this moved to Plato's as Lori suggest so other's do not offer critique? ... or are you open to critique with this? ...

Best Regards, and I bow to your masterful skill - Liz

To Lori,

I assumed crit. to be part of of the task, but I desired verification that my educated guess is correct before continuing with serious comparison/contrast.

Please note that I did comment on Ron's previous offering of similar nature.

Don

Dear Ron,
It appears I overlooked the critter in me... so to keep things in the ovine adolescent pasture, I'll commence 4th-with.

In L3, you might have worked in bleat in place of eat.
L5 had me looking for a different type of coat, but the best I could do was a pink petty coat... that may not fit.
Ok, enuff knitting by me. Perhaps Mary will have some other ideas.

Merlin

Dear Merlin,
Bleat instead of eat. Absolutely, but not in a tribute.
I assume most all readers will know what ovine means and that enough should be the biggest hint. Adding bleat would bring this para down to where its status as a puzzle would be in jeopardy.
It is true that C&C for tribute/puzzlers might be best if addressed to whether the piece adequately applies to the mystery poem and how it can better be written to be true to that intent. Modifications reflecting only current best practices can divert the piece from its intent and while making the piece more technically correct, less appropriate to the mystery poem.
Realistically, these tributes are best directed towards those with above average curiosity, those with an appreciation for our poetic heritage and those with the time and interest to compare the two versions.

My crystal ball is unclear. Is "The Lamb" the puzzle poem or not?

Intentions of rewriting poetic history with modern preferences would be akin to sacriledge My views would be limited to whether or not all major aspects were addressed.

Don

Dear Don,
Yes, you were right on...
Cheers, Ron jgd

Dear jgdittier,

I sincerely thank you for the verification. If it were not for Merlin, I would remain searching in the woods. to no avail, I tried searching for various discrete words and combinations extracted from your eight lines. For example: "Woolen coat" seemed unique enough to expect some hits. Ha! Many empty holes were dug in vain.

Your presentation stating six-lines and later that the original consisted of twenty-lines enhanced the treasure hunt.

Thus far my success has been due to Merlin's broader and more direct hints. "Blakey" was the key word for me. Then the menu is reduced to comparing to each of William Blake's poems listed at the University of Toronto Library RPO.

The outline above for finding the X is in lieu of failing to be well read. I never knew of "The Lamb" before, but appreciate being introduced through your puzzle pieces.

Don

Hi Ron,

From the commentary in your tribute poems, I feel these threads should be moved out of the critique forum if you really aren't interested in having the membership spend time workshopping them to enhance their message. So, I'd like to pose this thought: If your intent is to introduce and challenge us with tributes from bards of yore in a 'who is it' setting, while much fun, they would be better received in either Karnak Crossing (our education forum) as an exercise where "light critique" can be shared or in Plato's Pearls of Wisdom, our non-crit poetry forum.

With your permission, I'd like to move these threads unless you do have serious intentions on receiving critiques here in Herme's into Karnak. A benefit of Karnak also is that you wouldn't have the forum rule there of needing to post to 2 other members' threads before posting again.

Please let me know your thoughts.
Thanks
Lori

I hope that you were not offended by the suggestions/corrections that I offered while this piece was in Hermes.

Lightly padding here, Daniel

Dear Daniel,
Poetry is no doubt one of the absolutest difficult hobbies to maintain. It seems to have a
tremendous drop-out rate. I've been at it 6 years+ and I believe 75% of all who posted poetry
have disappeared from the board.
Expectations run high, frustrations accordingly.
I've persisted this long and plan to again.
It's folks like you, especially you, who rekindle the candle when it flickers.
I expect you know the feeling.
You want me to write-then do two things, keep writing and C&C me.Cheers, Ron jgd

Dear Jgdittier,

Duely noted that amatuer poets fall like snowflakes in winter. It must be true that one's eyes are bigger than their stomach.

As you know, forums not only tend to ebb and flow, but rise and fall. The change of personnel here at MM has been staggering.

From your demonstrated skills regarding poetry, I would guess your sincere efforts far exceed less than seven years stated.

I've only been in this racket a few years and probably take it way too seriously.

Of course, the easiest hobbys to maintain pay well; whereas, poetry is a labor of love for those who can afford to give without return.

If I stick it out, I sincerely hope to see you around for a long time.

Don

Dear Don,
"Fall like snowflakes in winter"... so nicely said that in a few years it might be cliche and accordingly, bad practice.
Let's sign a mutual treaty to come to the aid of each other's muse when a moment of doubt appears.
Cheers, Ron jgd

Dear jgdittier,

Your aka alone has cheered me through darker doubts. I read copious attempts at free verse and become discouraged when they read flat to my tin ear. Your stand with the poets of yore lend the stamina to read more classics for affirmation that worthwhile poetry is alive and healthy.

I almost awarded contest first prize to an English sonnet on the grounds that it was the only traditional form in the pile. Then revelation came that it was neither iambic nor pentameter.

Thank the system for allowing us to submit and improve our trash rather than be immediately rejected for imperfection. Despite its flaws I do prefer that poetry be more democratic than elitist.

To escape the cliche, let the snowflakes fall in summer.

Don