Horsetales, Rickety Ric Options

[Merlin]

His horse was saddled, standing at the rail
while Josh took one more look into
the mirror hanging from
its peg wedged in
a crack
outside his shack.
Today he'd shaved, put on
clean pants and shirt; he had a date.
His horse was saddled, standing at the rail.
They headed down the trail to Susan's house,
along a jagged line fence through
an aspen grove; a doe
and fawn looked up,
surprised,
and maybe just
a touch or two annoyed.
Lighthearted, Josh rode along;
they headed down the trail to Susan's house.
It was his special place - a hidden lake
and alpine blossom meadow-green
where pastel wildwood rose
and lupin joined
to make
enchantment of
an unspoiled wonderland.
A loon trills out its haunting song;
it was his special place - a hidden lake.

Footnote >>
There was a bard of yore who wrote reverse rictameters, but his name has escaped me. Anyone familiar with him, it would be appreciated...
This is syllabic - 10-8-6-4-2-4-6-8-10. I've repeated lines 1 & 9, but that may not be a requirement. Anyway - that's what rules are for...
M

[Eisa]

This looks stunning Merlin. I don't think I've seen a reverse rictameter before. On first read I cannot see anything I'd change, but I'll read and carefully digest and return.

Snow

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Merlin,

I want to jump astride a horse and meander down the trail...

His horse was saddled, standing at the rail
while Josh took one more look into
the mirror hanging from
its peg wedged in
a crack
outside his shack.

Good imagery! You can tell he's certainly not living in the lap of luxury. I see a small, somewhat run-down cabin set in the prairie somewhere.

Today he’d shaved, put on
clean pants and shirt; he had a date.
His horse was saddled, standing at the rail.
They headed down the trail to Susan’s house,
along a jagged line fence[,] through Should this be 'fence line'?
an aspen grove; a doe
and fawn looked up,
surprised,
and maybe just
a touch or two annoyed.
Lighthearted, Josh rode along;
they headed down the trail to Susan’s house.
It was his special place – a hidden lake
and alpine blossom meadow-green
where pastel wildwood rose
and lupine joined
to make
enchantment of
an unspoiled wonderland.
A loon trill[s] out its haunting song…
it was his special place – a hidden lake.

I love the description of the lake. It makes me want to see it! *smiles*

An interesting use of repetition. I don't think that's a requirement of rictameters (if I remember right! LOL). But even so... that's what rules are for! Hmmm... is there an echo in here?

As always... take or toss!

Cathy

[Merlin]

Thank you for reading & commenting, Snow & Cathy.

The reverse version isn't as common as the standard, which isn't that common either. Oddly, it took a fair bit of doing to get the reverse set down, but I guess every first appears that way. This one is my second effort at the 10-8-6... sequence. I'm quite certain that the bard I have in mind did not repeat lines 1 & 9.

Thanks for the typo downstream, Cathy. I'll fix right quick.
You know, I was thinking that "line fence" might be questioned. In this case, it is line fence, not fence line, which would be a somewhat different image. A line fence is strung (if wire) along to divide range pastureland, to keep different herds apart and separated. It also gives control to what areas may be grazed and when, so as not to defoliate the area completely. In earlier times, they were snake fences made of poles in zigzag fashion, and often a "Russell" fence made of a tripod affair from which rails were suspended. Both are still around, tho not as often as barb wire. There are also line cabins, one of which could easily be visualized here, where Josh would be spending his summer while riding herd.

I appreciate your input.

Merlin

[Guest_Cathy_*]

I didn't know that... thanks for the explanation Merlin! I guess it's true - ya learn something new everyday!! *smiles*

Cathy

[Merlin]

Thank you for taking a second look in, Cathy.

At the risk of bumping this to the top, I thought I'd share the links to George Herbert (1593-1633), the bard I believe I was thinking of in the above comment. You could check out that entire page, complete with music, or go straight to the syllabic verse here - EASTER-WINGS. There's no mention in my text about it being a reverse rictameter - but it is syllabic 10-8-6-...

Merlin

[Merlin]

Here's another link worth the look. George Herbert didn't put Easter-wings centered, rather in a dipped fashion, which simulate angel-wings.

I chanced upon these pictures while buzzing around the website - HERE.

M

[Merlin]

Given the overwhelming interest in shaped poetry, I thought I'd share 1 more link from George Herbert's book >>>

The Altar Note the footnote re - Jeopardy at the bottom.

There are numerous other shapes of GH's, but that's all, folks.

Merlin

[wordsart]

I have not been around lately so missing all the wonderful poetry. Came back today to read and cast a vote. I really like this one.

But just wanted ot ask should lupine be lupin?

Doesn't lupine mean wolf-like?

Hope this is not too late?

Best Wishes

Jenni

[Merlin]

Thank you for stopping by, Jenni, and especially for catching the typo. Everyone, including myself, overlooked that one!

Appreciate your words.

Merlin

[AMETHYST]

Hi Eric,

This is a pleasure to read. The story is steady, and some finer sonics through out. One thing I did make note of was some lines end on a weakened note. Such as L3 the word 'from' feels weak, to my ear. I see that you comment that nothing was mentioned about a reverse rictameter, but with the repeat of L1 into the last line of each stanza (if we could call each new starting point a stanza) allows me to believe that these all fall onto a double Rictameter, connected into a series to complete a full story and image!

Some further thoughts to follow! :)

Hugs, Liz

His horse was saddled, standing at the rail
while Josh took one more look into
the mirror hanging from
its peg wedged in
a crack
outside his shack.
Today he'd shaved, put on
clean pants and shirt; he had a date.
His horse was saddled, standing at the rail.


L1, good line for a repeat- I like the feel of it and how the voice is so definitive. I also felt L7, was excellent to start with 'Today - " it emphasizes a change from daily routine, that something special is happening and that this day is different from any other. In L3, perhaps off - 'the mirror hanging off / L4, its peg wedged in/


They headed down the trail to Susan's house,
along a jagged line fence through
an aspen grove; a doe
and fawn looked up,
surprised,
and maybe just
a touch or two annoyed.
Lighthearted, Josh rode along;
they headed down the trail to Susan's house.

Nice. I love the sounds and how they bounce from one to another, like grove/doe, just/touch. Loved the smooth and soft exection of the images and intentions through out.

It was his special place - a hidden lake
and alpine blossom meadow-green
where pastel wildwood rose
and lupin joined
to make
enchantment of
an unspoiled wonderland.
A loon trills out its haunting song;
it was his special place - a hidden lake.

L2, perhaps 'an alpine blossom meadow-green instead of 'and'
also for the repeat, whereas 'and' beginning L4 is much stronger in use.
The final lines are applaudable. Great poem.