The Tabby, A light pastiche Options

[Guest_Maxim_*]

The Tabby

Tabby, Tabby, curled up tight
in the kitchen late at night.
Does the twitching of an eye,
domestic dreaming signify?

Or, as distant lands he plies,
will he shed his meek disguise?
Dare he don the fierce attire
that his feral dreams require?

Can this dream-shape counterpart
match the fierceness of his heart?
And, in that frame, his heart then beat
to tiger's pulse? As clawed feet,

stalking through that wild domain,
extend the frontiers of his reign?
When he wakes do claws unclasp?
Is he free from vision's grasp?

Why then is it he appears
alert to sounds beyond our ears?
Beats there still to some degree
the pulse of tigers running free?

Tabby, Tabby, curled up tight
in the kitchen late at night.
Does the twitching of an eye,
untamed adventures signify?

By MaXiM

With acknowledgement to William Blake's classic which can be found through this link:
The Tiger


Previous versions:

Tabby! Tabby! curled up tight
in the kitchen late at night.
Does the twitching of an eye,
his cattish dreaming signify?

In those distant lands he plies
will he shed his meek disguise?
Dare he don the fierce attire
that his feral dreams require?

Can this dream-shape counterpart
match the fierceness of his heart?
Would, with that frame, his heart then beat
to tiger's pulse? As clawed feet,

hunting through a wild domain,
extend the frontiers of his reign?
As he wakes do claws unclasp
freeing him from vision's grasp?

Why then it it he appears
alert to sounds beyond our ears?
Can he still feel to some degree
the pulse of tigers running free?

Tabby! Tabby! curled up tight
in the kitchen late at night.
Does the twitching of an eye,
your feline conquests signify?

****************

Tabby! Tabby! curled up tight
in the kitchen late at night.
Does the twitching of his eye,
mere cattish dreaming signify?

In those distant lands he plies
will he shed his meek disguise?
Dare he don the fierce attire
that his feral dreams require?

Can this dream-shape counterpart
match the fierceness of his heart?
And in that frame will his heart beat
to tiger's pulse? As those feet,

hunting through that wild domain,
extend the frontiers of his reign?
When his body, with a gasp,
frees him from illusions grasp,

he then instantly appears
alert to sounds beyond our ears.
Does he feel to some degree
the pulse of tigers running free?

Tabby! Tabby! curled up tight
in the kitchen late at night.
Does the twitching of your eye,
great feline conquests signify?

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi MaXim

Ignoramous though I be I did get the reference at once with this lovely piece. Excellent R&M and a lovely domestication (or not! as the case may be) of Blake's Tyger. Enjoyed it very much.

Can this dream-shape counterpart
match the fierceness of his heart?
And in that frame will his heart beat
to tiger's pulse? As those feet, ---- fabulous stanza

hunting through that wild domain,
extend the frontiers of his reign?
When his body, with a gasp,
frees him from illusions grasp, --- illusion's

Fran

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi MaXim!

It is soooo good to see you! I have missed your work immensely, I must say!

Is there a tiger in the heart of every cat ... and is there a pussy cat in the heart of tiger? The world may never know ... *smiles*

I found this very pleasant to read. I have 3 young cats myself (about 3 months old) and I can just see them sneaking around ready to pounce like a tiger. They actually do a lot of that (sneaking and pouncing).

My only suggestion was going to be not to use 'and' in S3 L3, but I see that Blake did as well so never mind me! lol

Very pleasant way to start my day! Thank you!

Cathy

[JLY]

Maxim,
Your rhyme pattern and the ease with which it flows gives this poem a very smooth, lyrical feel to it. It is a fun and lilting read.

I particularly liked this verse the most:

hunting through that wild domain,
extend the frontiers of his reign?
When his body, with a gasp,
frees him from illusions grasp,

JLY

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Maxim

I very much enjoyed this reminder of our domestic cats' connection to tigers. This flows very well and is an excellent domestiated take on Blake's The Tiger.

Nina

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Martin.

Glad to see this one again in the crit forum and hope you are well! This one has such a pleasant rhyme scheme and rhythm to it, one can only SMILE when we get to the end. One nit I had is the exclamation points used after 'Tabby' - I would use commas but its purely a preference thing. As for your title, I suggest a slight change to just 'Tabby'.

Tabby, Tabby, curled up tight
in the kitchen late at night.
Does the twitching of his eye,
mere cattish dreaming signify?

Oops! I must go -I'm late to work - I'll be back again later on....

TTFN
~Cleo

[AMETHYST]

Hi Martin,

This is quite a poem. There are certain details that stand out well, in both imagery and mechanics. I certainly think you've met the meter well and you've offered us nice, new end rhymes (or at the least, not over used! )

Some further thoughts to follow. I quite enjoyed this poem and the lovely view of the 'kitty cat' ... I had read Blake's "The Tiger" ... and found the bouncing off of his idea's well planned and yet, you've used much of your own thoughts... I hard thing to accomplish, but met well...


Best Wishes, Liz

Tabby! Tabby! curled up tight
in the kitchen late at night.
Does the twitching of an eye,
his cattish dreaming signify?

L4, I felt a fumble when I came to this line, as it is a little longer than what you've set in the first 3 and it is Iambic... perhaps making the slight change in L3, as '...twitching of his eyes,/ L4 can then become " catty dreaming signifies?"
Or even leaving L3 as is and making the slight change of L4: "cattish dreaming signify?

[b]

In those distant lands he plies
will he shed his meek disguise?
Dare he don the fierce attire
that his feral dreams require?

[b]Beautiful stanza.

Can this dream-shape counterpart
match the fierceness of his heart?
Would, with that frame, his heart then beat
to tiger's pulse? As clawed feet,

Very strong use of the word counterpart.
Again, the rhythm is held nicely through out, and it gives a tumble in L3
Perhaps... "With that frame, his heart then beat
to tiger's pulse? as clawed feet,


hunting through a wild domain,
extend the frontiers of his reign?
As he wakes do claws unclasp
freeing him from vision's grasp?

Why then it it he appears
alert to sounds beyond our ears?
Can he still feel to some degree
the pulse of tigers running free?

Tabby! Tabby! curled up tight
in the kitchen late at night.
Does the twitching of an eye,
your feline conquests signify?

Excellent ending Stanza. Nicely connected to the introductory stanza. Ties it all up.

By MaXiM

[Cybele]

Hi Maxim,

Nice take on Blake's poem the Tyger.



Slight typo here..

Why then it it he appears
alert to sounds beyond our ears?
Can he still feel to some degree
the pulse of tigers running free?

L1 Why then is it he appears

In those distant lands he plies
will he shed his meek disguise?
Dare he don the fierce attire
that his feral dreams require?

Lovely powerful verse with great imagery.

and

Can this dream-shape counterpart
match the fierceness of his heart?
Would, with that frame, his heart then beat
to tiger's pulse? As clawed feet,

L4 no comma at the end as this thought carries forward to the first line of the next stanza and if you keep the comma it make the readers pause in the wrong place instead of following the enjambment.

Thanks for the read.

[Guest_Maxim_*]

Hi MaXim

Ignoramous though I be I did get the reference at once with this lovely piece. Excellent R&M and a lovely domestication (or not! as the case may be) of Blake's Tyger. Enjoyed it very much.

Can this dream-shape counterpart
match the fierceness of his heart?
And in that frame will his heart beat
to tiger's pulse? As those feet, ---- fabulous stanza

hunting through that wild domain,
extend the frontiers of his reign?
When his body, with a gasp,
frees him from illusions grasp, --- illusion's

Fran

Hi Fran

I agree - not a subtle reference! I'm pleased you enjoyed it.

Also thanks for your 'domestication' reference, which I have now pinched for the first stanza.

MaXiM

[Guest_Maxim_*]

Hi MaXim!

It is soooo good to see you! I have missed your work immensely, I must say!

Is there a tiger in the heart of every cat ... and is there a pussy cat in the heart of tiger? The world may never know ... *smiles*

I found this very pleasant to read. I have 3 young cats myself (about 3 months old) and I can just see them sneaking around ready to pounce like a tiger. They actually do a lot of that (sneaking and pouncing).

My only suggestion was going to be not to use 'and' in S3 L3, but I see that Blake did as well so never mind me! lol

Very pleasant way to start my day! Thank you!

Cathy

Hi Cathy

Thanks for the welcome! It's good to be back - although intermittently at present, as my home pc is on/off-line due to relocation/refurbishment. My family have always had domestic cats and I am sure they all have delusions of grandeur.

I'm glad you enjoyed this piece. You will note that the "And" has been removed and then replaced again - At the moment it's in but who knows?

MaXiM

[Guest_Maxim_*]

Maxim,
Your rhyme pattern and the ease with which it flows gives this poem a very smooth, lyrical feel to it. It is a fun and lilting read.

I particularly liked this verse the most:

hunting through that wild domain,
extend the frontiers of his reign?
When his body, with a gasp,
frees him from illusions grasp,

JLY

Hi JLY

Thanks - I really appreciate your kind comments. In the latest version I have amended the verse you highlighted - but I hope it retains its appeal!

MaXiM

[Guest_Maxim_*]

Hi Maxim

I very much enjoyed this reminder of our domestic cats' connection to tigers. This flows very well and is an excellent domestiated take on Blake's The Tiger.

Nina

Hi Nina

Thanks for the visit - I am pleased you enjoyed this piece.

MaXiM

[Guest_Maxim_*]

Hi Martin.

Glad to see this one again in the crit forum and hope you are well! This one has such a pleasant rhyme scheme and rhythm to it, one can only SMILE when we get to the end. One nit I had is the exclamation points used after 'Tabby' - I would use commas but its purely a preference thing. As for your title, I suggest a slight change to just 'Tabby'.

Tabby, Tabby, curled up tight
in the kitchen late at night.
Does the twitching of his eye,
mere cattish dreaming signify?

Oops! I must go -I'm late to work - I'll be back again later on....

TTFN
~Cleo

Hi Cleo

I am pleased that you noticed the connection to "Cat 'n' Mouse" which I posted a while ago. I revisited that piece recently and decided to write the poem that I originally set out to write. It sort of went its own way at the time.

I have disposed of the exclamation marks - they were intended to initally imply parody of Blake, with the poem then evolving into patische, but I have changed the relevant verses now (and I am not sure if that intent came across anyway!). I will think on the title but at present I feel it works as a direct reference to "The Tyger", although I can see how the shortened version could be easier on the ear.

Thanks for your comments.

MaXiM

[Guest_Maxim_*]

Hi Martin,

This is quite a poem. There are certain details that stand out well, in both imagery and mechanics. I certainly think you've met the meter well and you've offered us nice, new end rhymes (or at the least, not over used! )

Some further thoughts to follow. I quite enjoyed this poem and the lovely view of the 'kitty cat' ... I had read Blake's "The Tiger" ... and found the bouncing off of his idea's well planned and yet, you've used much of your own thoughts... I hard thing to accomplish, but met well...
Best Wishes, Liz

Hi Liz

I really appreciate your positive comments about this piece.

L4, I felt a fumble when I came to this line, as it is a little longer than what you've set in the first 3 and it is Iambic... perhaps making the slight change in L3, as '...twitching of his eyes,/ L4 can then become " catty dreaming signifies?"
Or even leaving L3 as is and making the slight change of L4: "cattish dreaming signify?

I have tried to use Blake's rhythym and beat throughout as far as possible, the easier part was using the same syllable count (although in one line I included an extra syllable to obtain my intended meaning) - but it was not always possible to get the same stresses with the differing meanings. To my ear Blake has some interesting variations although I get muddled trying to work out if they are footless trochee or headless iambic! I have changed this first stanza now and maybe dealt with the fumble?

Again, the rhythm is held nicely through out, and it gives a tumble in L3
Perhaps... "With that frame, his heart then beat
to tiger's pulse? as clawed feet,

I too was unhappy with this revision and have amended it again.

Thanks again for your kind comments and useful suggestions.

MaXiM

[Guest_Maxim_*]

Hi Maxim,

Nice take on Blake's poem the Tyger.



Slight typo here..
L1 Why then is it he appears
Lovely powerful verse with great imagery.

and
L4 no comma at the end as this thought carries forward to the first line of the next stanza and if you keep the comma it make the readers pause in the wrong place instead of following the enjambment.

Thanks for the read.

Hi Cybele

I appreciate you visiting and commenting on this piece.

Thanks for the heads-up on the typo - its still surprising how some seem to creep past the defences!

On the comma - the intent here was twofold, 1) to give the meaning:
"as clawed feet extended the frontiers...., whilst they were hunting through..."
and 2) to create a pause to match the rhythym pattern of 'The Tyger'. I will have another look to see if this works as I intended.

Thanks again.

MaXiM

[Guest_poeticpiers_*]

I am sure Blake would see this as a compliment not as a parody
The fekline spirit shows through in both No cat is is truly domesticated they are too independent

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Martin.

I loved the opening adn each progressive line tells us the story of this 'tabby', his actions, questions as he journeys through his fantasy (tigerness) through dreams!

This poem has a pleasant meter and kept me entertained throughout. I think your title fits and your revision is excellent.

Please take or toss my suggestions below as you wish.
~Cleo

Or, as distant lands he plies,
will he shed his meek disguise?
Dare he don the fierce attire
that his feral dreams require?
L1: I actually prefer your original line a teensy bit more. ‘In those distant lands he plies” but would add a semi-colon.

Can this dream-shape counterpart
match the fierceness of his heart?
And, in that frame, his heart then beat
to tiger's pulse? As clawed feet,
Excellent movement!

Tabby, Tabby, curled up tight
in the kitchen late at night.
Does the twitching of an eye,
untamed adventures signify?
Lovw the closing – one nit: last line now has one extra beat (8). How about ‘expoits’ or ‘journeys’ instead of ‘adventures’? Would that help?