 Sprinkle With Water, revision of a 10 x 10 challenge |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011  |
 Jun 20 06, 05:49
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#1
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 4,592 Joined: 31-October 03 From: New Jersey Member No.: 39 Real Name: John Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Larry Carr  |
1st Revision: 7/11]
SPRINKLE WITH WATER Summer’s warm kiss exquisitely tenders seasonal charm’s delightful splendors. Plant seeds, watch them grow as sunshine casts it’s nurturing glow. Sprinkle with water, till the earth, endowed with vestiges newborn birth. Hummingbird’s lips vibrate lyrically hugging petals daintily, carefully. Warblers mingle splash and drink, perched upon birdbath’s brink. Sunflower’s yellow resplendent tones adorn backyard’s floral zones. Nature’s wonders created to entrall, liberate visions great and small. SPRINKLE WITH WATER
Summer’s warm kiss exquisitely tenders seasonal charm’s delightful splendor. Plant seeds, watch them grow as sunshine casts it’s nurturing glow. Sprinkle with water, till the earth, endowed with vestiges newborn birth. Hummingbird’s lips vibrate lyrically hugging petals daintily, carefully. Warblers mingle splash and drink, perched upon birdbath’s brink. Sunflower’s yellow resplendent tones adorn backyard’s floral zone. Nature’s wonders, great and small liberate visions created to enthrall. ·······  ·······Give thanks for your new friends of today, but never forget the warm hugs of your yesterdays.
Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner             |
  
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Jun 25 06, 09:27
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#2
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Hi John,
Such a sweet summer poem! The images are beautiful to imagine. Summer’s warm kiss exquisitely tenders seasonal charm’s delightful splendor. Plant seeds, watch them grow as sunshine casts it’s nurturing glow. Sprinkle {with} water, till {the}[dry] earth, or some other descriptive word endowed with vestiges newborn birth. Hummingbird’s lips vibrate lyrically[,] hugging petals daintily, carefully. Warblers mingle splash and drink, perched upon birdbath’s brink. I love this image!  Sunflower’s yellow resplendent tones adorn backyard’s floral zone. Nature’s wonders, great and small liberate visions created to enthrall. Lovely write! Cathy |
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Jun 25 06, 10:06
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#3
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 4,592 Joined: 31-October 03 From: New Jersey Member No.: 39 Real Name: John Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Larry Carr |
Cathy,
Thank you for your suggestion of adding the word "dry", I like that idea and I may use that word or maybe a derivative of it such as arrid. This was an easy, fun write for me, glad you enjoyed it. JLY ······· ·······Give thanks for your new friends of today, but never forget the warm hugs of your yesterdays.
Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Jun 26 06, 16:24
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#4
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Hi John,
You could use something like sun-baked (or just baked), cracked, packed (since you mention tilling it)... Cathy |
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Jun 26 06, 19:08
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#5
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 4,592 Joined: 31-October 03 From: New Jersey Member No.: 39 Real Name: John Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Larry Carr |
Cathy,
I like baked and sun-baked; they might work for me. Thanks. JLY ······· ·······Give thanks for your new friends of today, but never forget the warm hugs of your yesterdays.
Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Jun 26 06, 19:22
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#6
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Your welcome!
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Jul 9 06, 14:25
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#7
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hi John.
A charming response of nature's images mused from a times ten challenge!  I've just a few stanzas that I've noted some suggestions below for you to ponder. As always, T or T.  Enjoyed! ~Cleo [add] {delete} Summer’s warm kiss exquisitely tenders seasonal charm’s delightful splendor[s]. Hummingbird’s lips (do hummingbirds have lips?) vibrate lyrically hugging petals daintily, carefully. Sunflower’s yellow resplendent tones adorn backyard’s floral zone[s]. Nature’s wonders, great and small liberate visions created to enthrall. I suggest swapping the lines to: Nature’s wonders, created to enthrall liberate visions great and small. ······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner   |
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Jul 9 06, 17:35
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#8
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 4,592 Joined: 31-October 03 From: New Jersey Member No.: 39 Real Name: John Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Larry Carr |
Lori,
I think your suggestion of swapping lines in the final stanza is just the type of suggestion I was looking for and it will certainly help me bring some closure to this piece. Thanks, JLY ······· ·······Give thanks for your new friends of today, but never forget the warm hugs of your yesterdays.
Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner |
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