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> Snow, /--//--/, aabb
jgdittier
post Feb 11 06, 15:52
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Soon comes the snow, out of the sky,
down swirling flakes, flitt'ring awry.
Blow to the east, spin to the west...
cover the car, that is your quest.

Weigh down my roof, knock down my pole,
snuff out my lights, that be your goal.
Coating my beard, stinging my eyes,
freezing my thumbs, make my demise.

Blower won't start, shov'ling is work.
Lost from the world, I'll go berserk!
Soon comes the sun, melting those flakes,.
I've got some gin, that's all it takes!






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Guest_Don_*
post Feb 11 06, 18:56
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Hi JGD,

You have maintained your beat, which I consider a success.  I consider any preconcieved goal reached as success.  

Beyond that the winter theme is seasonal and it sounded very sound.

I dislike gin, got any scotch?

Don
 
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Guest_Cathy_*
post Feb 11 06, 20:47
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Wonderfully pleasant swinging rhythm!  I read it 3 times just to see if I could detect a road bump, but of course I didn't!  lol

Should 'beserk' be 'berserk'?

Cathy
 
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jgdittier
post Feb 12 06, 08:41
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Dear Don,
Actually I drink more scotch than gin. I believe the gin would be used in bloodymarys, the red a pleasant contrast to all the white.
We've got about ten inches of falling snow and it's snowing hard and will for hours more.
(I've got both gin and scotch on hand, but my wife is here too!)

Dear Cathy,
This was the first ditty I wrote with this cadence. It seems to me that
almost any cadence can grow on the reader if it is repeated often enough. That seems to me to be paralled in music.
Thank you for the spelling guidence, that wasn't a typo, I just wasn't thinking.
Cheers to all!   Ron  jgd


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Guest_Don_*
post Feb 12 06, 09:35
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Hi JGD,

I would like to discuss meter options using your simple cadence.

At first glance one would scan each line as trochee, iamb, trochee, iamb.

All lines may not be the same, but they are if reduced to their beats.

Other possibilities are:
Monosyllabic, pyrrhic, monosyllabic, monosyllabic, prrrhic.
Monosyllabic, pyrrhic, spondee, pyrrhic, monosyllabic.
Dactyl, spondee, dactyl.
choriamb, choriamb.

Other permutations exist, but the extremes of five feet per line and two feet per line are represented above.

The question is what other criterion determines meter beyond beat?
First thought is commonality of use.  I woud first pick "trochee, iamb, trochee, iamb" over the rare "choriamb, choriamb." Surely the enunciation of words and combinations play a part, but how?

Any thoughts on this inner voice study?

Don
 
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jgdittier
post Feb 12 06, 16:43
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Dear Don,
I know you and I are rare birds in that we pay so much attention to meter at a time when meter doesn't matter as much as formerly.
I would not even think of the ways those lines might be described, except as I did. Perhaps the /--//--/ is the juvenile's approach, but it gets the message out.
Your comments have provided an opportunity for me to do some self teaching, so I went to
http://www.noggs.dsl.pipex.com/vf/feet.htm
I have no idea how a scholar would describe that cadence.
It seems to me most easily described as you have first, trochee/iamb/trochee/iamb.
For those actually aware of the definitions, I'd call it choriambic
dimeter.
What surprises me is that to my ear, the beat is pleasant.
I wonder what other fellow versers might think of /--//--/.
Cheers,   Ron   jgd


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Guest_Don_*
post Feb 12 06, 17:44
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Dear JGD,

I also use the link you provided for a full set of meter definitions.  That list does leave off monosyllabic  (wow).

As yourself, I am ignorant of the assured proper scan.  We can be certain of arguably different results from different readers because meter is less defined than enunciation, which varies less.

At this point your /--//--/ code is very adequate.

Keep your eye out for education in meter, and please let me know.

Thanks

Don
 
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jgdittier
post Feb 12 06, 18:05
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Dear Don,
I think of "scan" as the da-dums.
How one describes or defines the scan is what we're talking about in all these confusing terms.
Anyone who has ideas, either fact or speculation, as to this topic will win my appreciation.
As to where do we go from here, I wonder if expanding from this
/--//--/ base might yield another cadence not yet popularized.
Cheers,   Ron  jgd


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Guest_Don_*
post Feb 12 06, 18:16
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Hi JGD,

Oh I'm sure that trying different cadence will expand skill and pleasure.  For one, you may crack into how pace is accomplished, which we both would like to know how in detail.

I am seeking a holy grail of meter and you cadence.  They are related and mutually beneficial.

Don
 
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JLY
post Feb 13 06, 12:34
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Ron,
Your subject is so timely and your rhythm is right on target. I have great admiration for those like you who can create a metric beat that is smooth and resonates so well when one reads it.
This is a poem that leads one to read it again and again.
JLY


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Peterpan
post Feb 13 06, 12:45
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Lovely snowy poem! Thank you for posting.

The world has gone crazy, WE are having excess rain. Monsoon downpour three times a day! Too much rain. Have to admit the gardens and the countryside are looking like a green velvet drapes!

BUT, my roofs are leaking and the traffic and accidents horrendous!

I suppose Africa is not for sissies or Africa is a continent of extremes!

Build me a snowman! My son is in Switzerland studying, and he is an African child, trying to deal with winter snow. (I think actually enjoying the interlude!)

Life is interesting?



PP:)


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