 Movement by Moonlight, Faery Award |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011  |
 Apr 7 09, 05:42
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#1
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 Greek  Posts: 743 Joined: 3-February 09 From: Abingdon, Oxfordshire,UK Member No.: 754 Real Name: Leonora Wyatt Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:No one at all  |
 . .  Movement by Moonlight. The harvest mouse, fearing the first bite of Autumn frosts, searches fruitlessly. Fleet - she lurches, shrivel boned, between the shaven stalks of wheat. Seeking out the final gleanings, sharp, beneath her hurrying feet. With luminous eyes, tail twitching,mute, the barn-yard cat - Pouncing! Her gaping jaws announcing her intent. Bright fatal flash of un-sheathed claws. She skyward leaps, feints in the air, but mouse-less, lands with empty paws. On starlight dusted wings, the Snowy Owl blinks slowly - once. Then glides noiselessly. Unseen - she slides, talons poised, her amber eyes keen, unblinking, Sharp focused on one quaking mouse. She downward stoops – her killing - clean. ·······  ······· |
  
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| Guest_ohsteve_* |
Apr 7 09, 08:37
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#2
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Leo, Awh poor mouse... I really enjoyed this, with the internal rhymes, the suspense, the form of the poem, every thing just fits together and does it well. I want to wait and see what others say, but if no one else does I will nominate this for an award.
Steve |
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Apr 7 09, 13:27
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#3
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Greek Posts: 743 Joined: 3-February 09 From: Abingdon, Oxfordshire,UK Member No.: 754 Real Name: Leonora Wyatt Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:No one at all |
Hey Steve - you really do, 'love those mieces to pieces' don't you? Many thanks for your kind crit.
 
Mouse.jpg ( 11.52K )
Number of downloads: 0Leo ······· ······· |
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| Guest_ohsteve_* |
Apr 7 09, 19:33
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#4
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Leo, Hey logical question... if the plural of louse is lice; why isn't the singular of mice, moose? LOL LOL.
Or better yet ...let me hear you all sing... EM EYE SEE (see ya real soon) KAY EEE WHY etc etc etc....lol. Steve |
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Apr 9 09, 06:09
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#5
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Ornate Oracle  Posts: 4,592 Joined: 31-October 03 From: New Jersey Member No.: 39 Real Name: John Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Larry Carr |
Leo
One minor thought, shrivel boned could be hyphenated to be shrivel-boned I agree with Steve; this story moves along to the point that the reader is anticipating a climactic conclusion and you have offered that. It's somewhat analygous to the old saying which I will paraphrase...."the spoils/joys of victory/success etc, are reaped by those who lie in wait". The unasumming Owl was patiently waiting for his just desserts. JLY ······· ·······Give thanks for your new friends of today, but never forget the warm hugs of your yesterdays.
Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner             |
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| Guest_ohsteve_* |
Apr 11 09, 16:12
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#6
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I have nominated this for a Faery Award.
Steve |
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Apr 12 09, 01:32
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#7
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Greek Posts: 743 Joined: 3-February 09 From: Abingdon, Oxfordshire,UK Member No.: 754 Real Name: Leonora Wyatt Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:No one at all |
Good Morning JLY - yes, you are right. Shrivel boned could, indeed ought to be hyphenated - I will attempt to edit it. Many thanks for taking the time to read and comment on this poem.
Leo ······· ······· |
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Apr 12 09, 02:27
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#8
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Greek Posts: 743 Joined: 3-February 09 From: Abingdon, Oxfordshire,UK Member No.: 754 Real Name: Leonora Wyatt Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:No one at all |
Good morning Steve and and a very Happy Easter to you and your family.
Thank you for your generous nomination - I have rarely recieved an award for anything, so will await the outcome with great interest. Leo] ······· ······· |
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Apr 12 09, 09:10
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#9
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Congrats Leo on your faery award winning tile!
 Well done!   ~Cleo  ······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner   |
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Apr 14 09, 20:25
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#10
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 Assyrian Posts: 262 Joined: 4-February 09 Member No.: 756 Real Name: Robin DeWalt Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Winning Writer's web site |
Hi Leo -
Congratulations on your award. The owl and the cat could also pertain to human nature couldn't they? Similar to the turtle and the hare.
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Apr 19 09, 06:19
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#11
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Congratulations on your well deserved award, Leo. This had me sitting on the edge of my chair, waiting for the outcome. Well written, vivid writing which I thoroughly enjoyed.
Snow  ······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner    |
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Apr 21 09, 01:04
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#12
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 Creative Chieftain Posts: 2,587 Joined: 9-August 03 From: Australia Member No.: 17 Real Name: John Writer of: Poetry |
Congratulations, Leo.  Outstanding poem. John 
······· ·······Arnfinn
Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner  |
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May 6 09, 05:27
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#13
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Greek Posts: 743 Joined: 3-February 09 From: Abingdon, Oxfordshire,UK Member No.: 754 Real Name: Leonora Wyatt Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:No one at all |
Many thanks to John, Elisa, Merle & Cleo, for their congratulatory messages.
No one was more surprised than I, to find a shield beneath my name!  Leo ······· ······· |
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May 6 09, 05:36
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#14
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 Creative Chieftain Posts: 1,621 Joined: 18-August 05 From: Johannesburg, South Africa Member No.: 127 Real Name: Beverleigh Gail Annegarn Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Jox |
Congratulations from Bev!
A wonderful poem! I enjoyed (?) every line! Peterpan ······· ······· |
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